Dawn & Dusk Ch. 2

Okay...this is all what I remember from what I wrote down in my journal...i lost it, so when I find the original version, i will be sure to post it!


I love the night-I always have-but for some reason this night was different. It seemed as if something was watching me. I stood up and absentmindedly rubbed at the goose-flesh that had risen the hairs on my arms. I walked down the long winding stairs to the front door. I unlocked it and looked out into the night, only to see the dark outlines of trees and the little flakes of snow that were silently falling to my feet.

I closed the door and locked it back. There isn't anything to be freaked out abou tSkylar. It is your first night in this huge house alone. You are fine. I told myself, and walked back up the wooden stairs to my room. As I walked in, I turned out my light.

Once I was settled on my bed, I grabbed my remote and turned the TV volume up. I wasn't really paying attention. The two boys from that day six years ago were still in my mind. I wanted to know who they were...especially the one that tried to kill me. What had I done to deserve that?

A sound at my window made me jump. I thought that it was a tree, but then remembered that my room was a little too high up for the tree in front of my house to reach. My skin started to crawl, and like any idiot would, I walked over to my window and opened the curtains just so I could peek out. I saw a set of deep blue eyes staring into mine, and screamed. I ended up letting go of the curtains and squeezing my eyes closed in the process.

It is just a dream. There is no one standing outside of your window. It is just a dream... I kept repeating it, hoping to be right, and when I opened the curtains, no one was standing there, but there was a solid white feather sitting on the balcony. It was just a bird...

But what kind of bird has those eyes?

Hi!

Okay. This was exciting! The whole bird having those blue-eyes and everything was crazy.

However, it was rather short and didn't let me in on what the whole plot of this story is going to be. Obviously there's something with the boy and who he is but not much else is said.

In the first paragraph, I don't get why she was going outside. I guess it might be because she feels someone/something is watching her but if she's like any normal person they'd be too scared to even move, unless that's just me. But when she turned the TV on, I could relate. I do that when nobody else is home just so it's not quiet. So good job on that part!

It is just a dream... I kept repeating it, hoping to be right, and when I opened the curtains, no one was standing there, but there was a solid white feather sitting on the balcony.

This is a very long sentence. I would probably put a period after "right" and start the next sentence with "When". You could even make the sentence about the feather another one.

I thought that it was a tree, but then remembered that my room was a little too high up for the tree in front of my house to reach.

I think you could take out the words "a little". They aren't really needed.

Other than that it sounds good. I can't wait to find out more about the boys and why the bird had those eyes... if it was a bird!

PM if you have questions, need reviews, or put more up! Thanks!

-Narniafreak!

First of all, thanks for telling me this was out!

Secondly, this really gives me the chills. However, I'm not without my nitpicks.

I wasn't really paying attention. The two boys from that day six years ago were still in my mind. I wanted to know who they were...especially the one that tried to kill me. What had I done to deserve that?

What made the topic of the boys come up? Is it the dark, mysterious feel of the night? Or is the nightmare still haunting her head?

Also, it would be a bit more effective if we could know a bit more of exactly what was freaking Lilith out. Where does she feel the mysterious presence? Does a creaking noise freak her out on the way up the stairs? Why is she all alone? Does she have a fear of being alone usually?

Overall, I'm really lovin' the story. I'm anxious to find out what happens. Who do the blue eyes belong too? What is this mysterious presence? I'm looking forward to finding out the answers.

~Mira