Forever alone, In a never again

Forever alone, In a never again

Never again
- Will I see you smile
- Will I hear you laugh
- Will you hold me tight
- Will you kiss my lips
- Will you say you love me

Once you promised me so much,
I gave you everything.
Gave you my thought, love, touch,
But here I am, broken promises.

Once you opened up your door,
I opened all of mine.
Promised you I was yours,
But here I am, doors closed.

Once you said "together we are strong",
I thought you meant, you and I.
Never knew that I could be wrong,
But here I am, so weak.

Once you assured we were forever,
I thought you meant more than awhile.
Couldn't have known, we would be never,
But here I am, forever without you.

Once you told me you loved me,
I gave my heart and soul.
Thought we would forever be,
But here I am, all alone.

Finally you told me goodbye,
I sobbed, and wept and cried.
Forever doesn't allow one to die,
but you did and I never knew why.

Never again
- Will I see you smile
- WIll I hear you laugh
- Will you hold me tight
- WIll you kiss my lips
- Will you say you love me

Forever alone, In a never again.

Demoness wrote:Forever alone, In a never again

Once you promised me so much
I gave you everything
Gave you my thought, love, touchYou don't need to say I gave you everything if you LIST what you gave... Otherwise it's just redundant.
But here I am, broken promises

Once you opened up your door
I opened all of mine
Promised you I was yoursThat I was yours. Also, you repeat doors a lot, it's not too pleasing to read.
But here I am, doors closed

Once you said "togheter we are strong"
I thought you meant, you and I
Never knew that I could be wrong Again, you're redundant, you don't need to say what you thought it was if you mention that you're wrong, and vice verse. Kinda, it's something you'd want to edit togeather.
But here I am, so weak

Once you assured we were forever Assures that we? Or something, just because it's poetry doesn't mean you can drop words left and right.
I thought you meant more then awhile
Couldnt have known, we would be neverwe would never what? Is that line even needed?
But here I am, forever without you

Once you told to love me What?
I gave my heart and soul
Thought we would forever be Again, a grammar issue.
But here I am, all alone

Once you went away
You couldnt keep your promises Again, you're redundant, I've hope that I've pointed it out enough, so that you know what I am currently talking about.
Because you wouldnt stay

When you left
All doors closed[b] The word left is redundant and you said this already, almost word for word.
our future left

When you disappeared
It couldnt be you and I again you've said all of this before.
Me alone, as no one feared

When you became never
I became less
And for us there were no forever

When you died
My heart and soul died with you again you've said this before.
You lied
Because I'm forever alone

Forever alone, In a never againWhoa, this sounds so familiar!! *points to the line directly above!!!

And the ending doesn't make too much sense.

in a never again.

How can you be in never, again? If it's never, there is no again, that makes no sense.
You want to delete all the useless and repeated lines. Which would most likely be over half of this poem. Also you may want to try some imagery and poetic devices of the sort.

Good luck, seriously. Keep writing.

Silented1.
P.S: YWS has a spell check option, you have some typos in this, just go to edit your post and it's right next to the scroll bar at the top right.

Ehm... you dont seem to understand a thing of what i wrote, you totally missunderstood it. The repeating at the end, the three line stanzas, they each belong to a fourline stanza above. And the repeating was also something I did on perpouse. And
"Forever alone, in a never again" means, she's forever alone, and she will always be, because what was, can never be again, and what was before was him. So now she's alone... bit blurry, but do you get it?
All though I can agree on my grammar mistakes, but i'm not a serious poet, I just write down my thoughts, never look it through and so on. So mistakes are written ^^
And i'm young and my english isnt fully devoloped,, but i shouldnt blame it on that. I suck on grammar... DOT x))
Thanxx anyways // Sagaa