Secret

A young girl
hides a secret kiss
behind her left ear--
she folds it in--
weaved between strands of hair.
Passionate, late night kiss,
found by the strong boy who loves her most--
he holds her protectively
oh-so many years later
his hard-cut thumbs on her jawline,
fingers combing through
wavy locks of auburn hair.
He finds her secret
and presents his,
stowed
behind his left ear.

Hi,

This is really beautiful. It flows really nicely and I love your imagery. I especially enjoyed the last seven lines.

I think I'd cut "small, innocent, naive", because I don't think you need it.

I'd also change from "classified kiss" to "passionately" because it's too direct; I'd go back to suggesting things with images here.

Hope this helps,

Jas

Hello there
This is a lovely poem. You did a pretty good job at keeping me drawn into the poem or drawing my attention until the end.

he holds her passionately
years later
his thumbs on her jawline,
fingers combed through
wavy locks of auburn hair.
He finds her secret
and presents his,
stowed
behind his left ear.

I liked these line a lot. good job

I normally don't like romance poems, but this was actually pretty good. It shows polish, and the fact you've already incorporated some of the critiques shows that you care about this piece. The only thing I'd change is this:

He finds her secret
and presents his,
stowed
behind his left ear.

There's nothing wrong with it, I just think it'd sound better if you said 'right ear' instead. It's small thing, but it adds the whole two halves of a whole element to it; that is, what she has behind her left ear, he has behind his right ear. They end up fitting together, and voila!

This was beautiful. It reminded me of an old couple still fiery with love. A couple that were high-school sweet hearts. Still innocent, even though they, at the end of their lives, are not.

icanbefixed wrote:A young girl
hides a secret kiss
behind her left ear--
she folds it in--
weaved between strands of hair.
A passionate, late night kiss,
found by the strong boy who loves her most--
he holds her protectively
oh-so many years later
his hard-cut thumbs on her jawline, I love the part abut the hard-cut thumbs. It makes me think of a working man. Someone who comes home late at night sweat drying on his face.
fingers combing through
wavy locks of auburn hair.
He finds her secret
and presents his,
stowed I am not sure why this is its own line. I would add it to the last one.
behind his left ear.

I love this poem. I love how it is strait forward. I, for some reason, hate poems where they try to make you think of the answer. Hope I helped,

A. S.