alone.

So alone, alone. So alone.

It's all i can think, all I can feel. In the pit of my stomach this long dragging feeling -- hard to ignore.

I feel as though I'm the only one in this world, everyone is distant. I have no one who is close to me. But I feel pathetic all at the same time, and nothing even really happened to me.

I have been a loner pretty much all my life, having friends but never really having them. My parents are just there .. like furniture, everything blends into one.

I didn't mind when i was a kid, I could entertain myself just fine. Playing with toys, playing pretend, imaginary friends you know. It was just whatever.

But this year, my 16Th year of my life on earth, I am suddenly feeling my aloneness. Teenagers my age generally have what they call a 'life' you know, going out partying, hanging in town, boyfriends, sleepovers .. and other things I'm not too sure about. When I started my high school, the people I hung with and I drifted apart. And I didn't really find another clique. I wandered the halls solemnly, trying to be optimistic and trying to ignore everyone, but it didn't work. I'm only human and became more and more aware of what I wanted, yet did not have. I yearn for human comfort, and not the comfort of my music.

I have no skills in friend making and having a conversation with someone, I find myself somewhat boring. I've tried to talk to people, but they just think I'm crazy.

And as I sit day after day, rotting in my loneliness, I'm finding it harder and harder to be happy each day.

How can I when I have no one ?

Dalliance, it’s very nice to make your acquaintance.

everyone is distant

I know there is a rule about this, I just can’t remember the name of the rule. But you need the word ‘else’ after ‘everyone.’ Okay?!

But this year, my 16Th year of my life on earth,

‘16th’ should actually be written as ‘sixteenth’ when you’re putting together a story. It’s more...formal.

Also, be careful to capitalize words that need to be capitalized. I noticed in several places where you didn’t capitalize the word ‘I.’

This is actually more of a monologue. It’s almost like a person on stage would be stepping to the crowd and speaking directly to the crowd. This would actually belong, therefore, in the scripts forum.

Just take a little time to re-read this and look for places where it sounds a little...sticky.

Good luck!

~lilymoore

Hey Dalliance!

It's all i can think

"I" is always capitalized. Occasionally authors will try experimental stories or poem with no punctuation whatsoever, but obviously you weren't aiming for this, so it's just an easily-fixable typo!

It was just whatever.

This line is very whatever. It gives no description and makes your narrator sound bored. And, if your characters are bored, you readers are going to be bored too.

Two things I'm going to warn you of: using excessive ellipses (those ... dots) and saying "you know" in your first person narrative. The first is messy looking and the second makes it hard to take your Main Character seriously as a narrator and a person.

I'm wondering exactly what you want for this piece. It's all emotions and no structure: no characters except for this vague narrator, no plot, no direction. Lily is right-- in a way, it reads like a monologue or a diary entry, not a story. Where is the story in this? What happens? Figure out where you want this to go.

If you're content to leave it as an open-ended character-introspection piece, then polish up the language and put a spin on it. Right now it's somewhat clichéd: angst, emotion, pain, loneliness. It's all been written a million times before. If you want to make it interesting and original, try using more interesting words, more interesting analogies.You obviously have the raw emotion behind this covered-- now you need to channel that through something that's enjoyable and unique to read.

If you want to develop this into more of a fleshed-out story, put this character in an actual scene. This is all very tell-y; your narrator is telling us how she feels, what happens to her, what she's like, but we don't actually get to see it in action. You could show someone shunning her or ignoring her at school. It'll be more believable if you show us how she acts instead of just telling us how she feels.

Best of luck, and PM me for anything!

~Evi