Austin Perkinson and The Great Escape

Austin
Perkinson &
The Great
Escape


Prologue: Bad News

It was mid December when I got the letter that said that my Grandfather had passed away. I was thinking how this could have happened so suddenly, he wasn’t even sick with anything. Three months pass and I get another letter from the hospital.
This letter said, Dear Mr. Perkinson, These past couple of months, we have done some investigating on your Grandfather’s death, and we have discovered that he died from a serious case of Untreated Pancreatic Cancer that spread to his brain and eventually killed him. Sorry for your Loss, MD. James Wilmington.

Sweet however a bit too short. By the time you caught my attention I was already done reading. It does have some potential and I will continue to read on, yet I do feel a bit disappointed that it was a barely a paragraph. Reading on how the narrator's grandfather passed away and receiving a letter on regrading his death is nothing short of a good prologue. It was just short.
And it wouldn't hurt to put the letter in a letter forum instead of a paragraph.
All and all you did get me some what hooked and will read future work on this topic.
Keep writing!

*Hello Shamrock, I am JackpotJohnson here to review -JJ-, Red=Grammer Mistakes and Blue=My Ideas

Center this out, for formating purposes.Austin
Perkinson &
The Great
Escape


Prologue: Bad News Don't add the title, just write.

It was mid December when I got the letter that said that my grandfather had passed away. I was thinking how this could have happened so suddenly, he wasn’t even sick with anything.To broaden this out, maybe you should add what happened in these three months. Like what was your MC feeling like. Or How did he respond to this piece of bad news. Three months pass and I get another letter from the hospital.
This letter said, Dear Mr. Perkinson, These past couple of months, we have done some investigating on your Grandfather’s death, and we have discovered that he died from a serious case of Untreated Pancreatic Cancer that spread to his brain and eventually killed him. Sorry for your Loss, MD. James Wilmington.

Overall you have a good start. However it is not showing much. You are telling us everything, and leaving us blank on important details. You should broaden this out more. This is a prologue to a fantasy novel right. You did not show us that in any way.

I think that if you spend some more time, you will have a wonderful prologue, just broaden it out more. Tell us some more. I will definitely be looking for more of your work. Until next time
-JJ-