Cutter

She was crippled ;
but it was her body that was so severly cracked.
In her effortless attempts to piece together the events of the night before
she found that the answers were not found within - but without.
Not penetrating skin just yet.

As she lifted the Blade that was laden with sin ;
marked with pain ;
and sharp with desperation
she heard the whispers of a thousand mistakes
all closing in around her.
Drowning her with their despair.

And she cried the tears of a girl who was lost in her own sadness ;
who clutched at the surface of her humanity in a constant struggle
of life and death.
As the Blade came down she could see her life laid out in front of her.
The path of darkness she had wrongfully chosen ;
and the web of lies she had faithfully woven.
She saw the walls of a life she had once known crumbling
and moaning with the weight of the burdens she had been carrying for so long.

The Blade was the key to the salvation she so desperately needed.
And as the life was sucked out of her she smiled a smile that was
sadistic in its own right.
A smile that echoed a fate she had come to accept -
to welcome with open arms.
As the clock tolled once -
twice
and she took her final breath ;
felt her heart slowly falter and stop
she was surrounded by a darkness that
was tinted with sorrow
and bittersweet with freedom.

Interesting to see read the perspective of one who inflicts pain on themselves for reasons unknown by most. Having such a stigma would hard to live with and accept but I suppose a blade wouldn't be too far away. Though I not one to judge I have question on how and why one believes that physical pain can take away mental. Is it the sight of blood that relieves them? Or the sharp sting? Maybe its just the idea behind it. When you tells them self something for so long its hard to to believe it to be true.

I enjoyed this piece of work. It felt like a good description on what goes on some people's mind when they 'relieve their pain'.
Good work!

Undeniably a poem I have just fell in love with. Beautiful descriptions and metaphors. Didn't really understand the storyline but a lot of poems have one. I take my hat off to you.

Christian -
It's not so much the blood that helps. It's the feeling of control. When something happens you can't control how much it hurts you and for those of us who are more sensitive then others the pain can be pretty hard to deal with. Cutting is a resolution - a way out. When you cut you can decide how much it will hurt you. And that helps numb the pain you feel, even if it's only for a short time. And sometimes - like with me - the cutting helps calm me down when I get particularly anxious. And I guess this might sound freaky to you but I really don't know any other way to help you understand? I hope this helped.

-CK

Hey there! So, I'm here to review the poem. Hope I'm not too rough on it.

First off I'd like to point out your inaccurate use of semicolons, so you should probably cut them out as they are. Second, did you know that most people who cut themselves aren't actually trying for the goal of suicide? It's much more of a drug, a way to block out the pain or to actually feel something, since depression can be numbing. (I'm speaking from personal experience here.)

Now, onto the poem. Most of this was dry and not real emotional, not strong enough, and didn't have enough effect on me to be successful. However, one stanza did stand out above the others.

And she cried the tears of a girl who was lost in her own sadness ;
who clutched at the surface of her humanity in a constant struggle
of life and death.
As the Blade came down she could see her life laid out in front of her.
The path of darkness she had wrongfully chosen ;
and the web of lies she had faithfully woven.
She saw the walls of a life she had once known crumbling
and moaning with the weight of the burdens she had been carrying for so long.

I like this stanza a lot and it has a lot of potential. It's certainly not at it's best right now, but it has potential. Some of the problem it has is that it's a cliché in parts ("she could see her life laid out in front of her", "web of lies", "the walls of life"). Another issue is that some lines are very long, others are very short - there isn't much actual poetic tact to the way line breaks are chosen. However, some of the metaphors are beautiful (walls "moaning with the weight of the burdens she had been carrying")

I honestly think you should cut the rest of the poem and use this as a basis for your rewrite. Cut the clichés, be original, and be specific. You write "The path of darkness she had wrongfully chosen", but what exactly is this path? Can you explain it more and write it such that the reader can relate, understand, and feel with the speaker? You need to paint the life of your speaker in such detail that we can feel just like she does, cry with her, hurt with her. Don't just glaze over those feelings, hold tight to them and let them flow out with strength. I know you have the talent for it because your metaphors here are a beautiful start; you just need to learn to pull it tight and show more than you tell.

My biggest suggestion for you, outside of editing this poem, would be to read more poetry. The best place to see good poetry in action is to read poetry. Look at it carefully, read it a few times, think about how it makes you feel or what it makes you think, and ask yourself, how did the poet accomplish that? What words did they use that made you feel this way? Did they use any poetic devices to accomplish this? Everything a poet does should be well chosen, so find as many things as you can in the poem that brought the emotion out. The more you learn to recognize it in other people's poetry, the more you will be able to reproduce it in your own.

Best of luck!

Suzanne -
Yes I am aware that people do not always cut with the intention of suicide but that was the specific purpose of the cutting in this poem. As for the rest, thanks for your advice. (:

-C.K