Selflessness Doesn't Come With a 'Thank You'

You do a good job with this poem, with a good beat, etc. But you seem to be fading in and out from rhyming to not rhyming, so that confuses your reader. (Which is me) Also, you have a lack of capatlization and punctuation in some pieces. Such as:

Well i guess I’ll pay

the area in red should be capatalized. Also:

‘ you’ve always had your way’

The area in red should not have a space in between the apostrophe and 'you've.' There's my review. Keep writing!

Hi,

The rhythm is really great here. I love the first line and the snippets of dialogue. They bring this to life.

Is this poetry or lyrics? If it's lyrics I can get someone to move it for you.

I'd give this a read over and cross out anything that sounds like something you've heard or read before, for example "pay the price today" "can't pretend anymore" and replace them with more visual lines-show the reader why the speaker feels like this rather than saying it outright.

Hope this helps,

Jas

You have really strong lyrics, which is wonderful.
I can actually feel the emotion radiating off this song, which is absolutely beautiful

Good job!

I really like this song> I think its Beautiful