My guardian dog 17 - OLD

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Ok hey guys! Well, for starters, thanks for all the great reviews. When I'll this is done, I'm going to have to go back over my story with a fine-toothed comb. I've been editing on Word, but just generally. The bigger changes will come after.

Well, I've been posting on a regular basis because these last chapters are important and I want the story to remain fresh in everyone's mind. I'm really nervous about this chapter because I'm not sure if I'm giving out information too fast/too slow, how's the action? Am I making things clear?

Here goes nothing...Enjoy!!


Chapter 17

Father?

“Oh you suddenly remember who you are, do you?” Bitterness was heavy in my mouth, like some sort of thick clay. Once again, I’d been betrayed by someone I trusted. Well, somewhat. But if his intention had been to kill me the whole time, why had he saved me? And why had I written about him, as if he was important to me? Were the Fates that cruel? They’d led me to my death?

“Scott, what took you so long? You were supposed to be here days ago.” There was nothing warm nor affectionate in the father’s voice. If he was happy to see his son, he hid it well.
“My apologies, but your goons apparently did a more thorough job than you intended; they left me amnesic in the middle of the wasteland.”
Silas’s face was terrifying as he called out, “Mace! Randy!”

Why did those names ring a bell? I pulled the names I knew from my head and discarded the faces that went with them. I didn’t think I knew these people but their names were nonetheless familiar. Heavy footsteps as well as a disconcerting shuffling was heard, like something heavy being pulled. Silas was apparently not worried about the sound because he stood with his rigid back to it.

We all waited in breathless anticipation (or at least, I was breathless but maybe that had something to do with Scott’s hand) until the source of the noise came into view and I gasped. Mace and Randy were Baldy and Blondie dragging an unconscious Riley by the scruff of his neck.

I whimpered and tried going to him but Scott was holding on tight. I stretched out my hand as far as I could but it was no use; he was too far away. Baldy dropped Riley before smiling widely and kicking him solidly in the stomach. Both Baldy and Blondie were snickering when they turned to meet their boss. They froze.
“What part of ‘just give him a slight bump on the head’ did you miss? He was supposed to be playing a role, not the actual part!”

Had anyone else heard my sigh of relief? Apparently Scott hadn’t been totally dishonest with me; he’d actually been hurt.

“We’re sorry boss,” Blondie stammered. “We’d been so frustrated about disappointing you in our failure to capture Shayna and I guess we put a little more force than necessary.”
“So, what you’re telling me, is that you were angry with me and you let it out on my son?” Silas’s voice was low, dangerously so. Two audible gulps answered him.

Fast as a pouncing leopard, Silas bounded forward and slashed at his goons with a knife he’d pulled out of God knew where.

That’s it? I thought. He cut their forearms? It was barely a nick!

While the goons stood there, staring in shock at their cuts, Silas laid a hand on their shoulders and all three of them disappeared. I met my mother’s startled gaze.

“Where-” I began but he came back before I could complete the thought.

As I stared at Silas, two things registered. One, he was completely soaked and he was dripping all over the floor and two, I’d just discovered what he was.

“Where did you drop them?” Scott’s voice was mildly amused.
“Middle of the ocean.”

Which explained the cuts? It wouldn’t take long for them to become shark bait.

“You’re a portal!” I exclaimed, stating the obvious.
“You’ve raised a smart one, haven’t you?” he remarked drolly to my parents.

And he said my sense of humour was bad?

“But . . . you can do what no one else can do! You can transport people from Earth –Terra- to here, you can bring them from one castle to another! No one’s as fast as you! No one- ”
“Enough,” he cut in. “I was born for greatness but denied my birthright. My mother was an RM and my father a portal. They had an affair but she gave me up once she birthed me, sent me to my father who was . . . not pleased at having been discarded.” His face hardened. “He brought me up hating her and she was the first to go.”

First to go? Go where? The first RM he killed? What was her name? Link had said the woman’s name was Denise? Debbie? Desi!

“Desidora!”

I heard a low growl and looked up to find my father glaring at Silas. My heart thumped painfully in my chest. Apparently, it had been someone he’d known.

“You lie!”
“What would I?”
“She was to wed-”
“Yes, she was. That’s why I was given up so I wouldn’t shame her. But if I’d been brought up as I should have, I might have become an RM, might have been much more powerful.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Oops, wrong thing to say. “I mean, you were born a portal; it doesn’t matter who raised you. You can’t blame your parents for what you’ve become!”

Apparently he didn’t like to be called crazy. Faster than I ever could have thought possible, Silas brought down his fist across my upturned face and I fell, rapping my head sharply on the hard floor. If I still wore glasses, they would have shattered from the impact.

My father’s voice sounded dim in my ringing ears but I could feel his fury hanging in the air like a thick, pregnant cloud. “You vicious son of a b- ”

His voice was cut off with a cry of pain and I carefully raised my head and tried to clear my vision. A knife was embedded within my dad’s shoulder and I shuddered. I’d managed to turn the last knife into a dandelion. This time, I hadn’t been fast enough.

“Dad,” I called out weakly, trying to crawl toward him. “Dad, dad.” I choked on a sob then felt my way forward, unable to see through my tears. I felt fur and fear held me in a death grip. Wog? It wasn’t growling. I blinked, trying to dispel the tears and I finally focused on Riley’s prone, unconscious body. I inched forward then laid my head on Riley’s soft flanks. I could feel his deep even breathing and it reassured me.

When out of the corner of my eye I saw Silas stalk toward my parents, a deadly look in his eye, I did the only thing I could think of: I gripped his passing leg with both hands, and he staggered, but before he could retaliate, I opened my mouth wide and bit into his calf. He got a mouthful of a thick coarse material but I was as relentless as a pitbull; I clamped my muscles.

His yelp of pain was only equalled by mine when he reared back his other foot and kicked me in the stomach. Once again, I could hear my parents screaming and rattling their chains in their anger and fear. I gasped for breath while I clutched at my painful stomach.

I tried looking around, trying to find Silas and make sure he hadn’t hurt my parents. He hadn’t; he was glaring at me, hatred burning in his pale blue eyes.

“You are a nuisance that I will just have to deal with earlier than planned.”

He reached toward me and I knew that if he touched me, if he laid a hand on me, I’d be as gone as Baldy and Blondie. I shrank back, whimpering. “Riley, wake up boy, wake up!” I scooted away from Silas’s hand, toward Riley’s warm, breathing body. “Riley, wake up!”My voice was quivering as was my body. I couldn’t think; I could only react to the fear and panic rising within me.

Silas’s hand was inches from my face when Scott said, “Father, stop!”
The hand paused but lingered over me as Silas’s head shot up. “She must die, you had agreed with me.”
“And I still do,” Scott’s voice was smooth, persuasive. “But remember, she’s an RM; I can drain her.”

Slowly, Silas straightened to his full height, his gaze still on his son’s. “You’re right; I’ve forgotten myself. We will need her energy. Deal with her while I deal with them.” He gestured toward my parents and headed toward them at a leisurely pace; he was no longer worried, I was going to be dealt with.
“No!” I screamed. “Mom! Dad!”

My eyes were wide with terror as Scott strode toward me, crouched down and reached for me. My hands shot up and I scratched at his face and caught his cheek. Three angry red lines appeared and he looked furious as he pressed his palm to his bleeding cheek. He caught my hands and I felt the almost familiar jolt go through me as he drained part of my energy. My arms felt limp to my side but my mouth wouldn’t stop running; my tears either. “You can’t Scott, you simply can’t! I trusted you, took you in and cared for you! My parents! You can’t let him touch them!”

Unperturbed, he reached for my neck and wrapped both hands around it. I glanced up and saw Silas glancing at us, grinning evilly. I saw the look of terror on my mother’s face and knew she felt the terror for me and not for them. I looked up at Scott, caught his green eyes and whispered, “Please, Scott. Please.”

Suddenly, my mother’s voice rang out, “J- Justin?”

Silas stopped, turned to my mother who was staring wide-eyed at Scott.

“Uh, no mom. I know it’s a little late for introductions but this is- ”
“I know what he’s being called, but his name isn’t Scott, it’s Justin!” She turned to my father, agitated and frantic. “Logan! Can’t you see? It’s him!”
My father was staring hard at Scott and when I looked up, there was a confused expression on Scott’s face. “My name is . . .” he cleared his throat. “My name is Scott, not Justin.”

I glanced at Silas who stood there, watching the interaction. There was a curious gleam in his eye, as if he was interested in what was happening but wasn’t sure what to make of it.

My father shook his head slowly. “She’s right; you are Justin.” And for the first time in my life, I saw tears in my father’s eyes. “My son,” he said softly. “We have finally found you.”

He was crying now and so was my mother, great tears running down their faces. My mother was wiping the tears with her arms, still tied over her head but my father didn’t remove them.

“Your son?” Scott and I said in unison.
“Our baby!” my mother sobbed. “You were stolen from us when you were four years old! Don’t you remember?”
“F-father?” Scott stammered, turning to Silas.
“You don’t seriously believe them, do you?” Silas mocked. “I told you; your parents abandoned you when you were a baby. I raised you as my own. Do you suddenly have reason to doubt me?”
“Lies!” my father bellowed. “He was stolen from us, taken from the courtyard when he was with his nanny. Don’t you remember Grace, Justin?”

Scott shook his head and his hand loosened on my neck. It was about time too, because I was going to hurl what little I had in stomach. I didn’t move though; I was going to wait until the right moment.

I thought quickly, as quickly as my muddied brain could. Grace. Had she seen Scott while he’d been at the castle? I couldn’t remember. She hadn’t mentioned it to me and Scott hadn’t either. He’d met Gaspar and said that a healer had healed him.

I remembered the affection and tenderness in Grace’s eyes when I’d arrived in Rydon and suddenly, I froze. She had said how I looked like someone, before being cut off by my mother. She’d simply said, ‘Your parents’ but I’d gotten the feeling that something else had been hidden from me. Considering everything that had happened afterwards, I’d completely forgotten to confront my mother about it.

But if I quickly connected the dots, that would mean Scott was . . . my brother.

Impossible. Yet . . .

“Grace,” Scott said softly, his eyes distant.
Silas turned to his son. “Son! They are trying to weaken you! Can’t you see they are simply desperate to escape?”
“No, no, no, no, no!” my mother shouted. “No lies. Our son Justin was almost four years old when he was kidnapped from castle Janeiro. We sent trackers to find him but they lost his trace . . .” Her eyes widened. “Of course,” she whispered. “A portal kidnapped you. That’s why they lost the trace! You were raised in Terra, weren’t you?”

Scott was beyond capable of speech. He simply looked dumbstruck.

My father laughed, a harsh, humourless sound. “Ironic, isn’t it? We’ve spent the last twenty-three years in Terra and you were there all along.”

I looked up and watched Scott. I could feel tremors racking his big body and his hands trembled on my shoulder. Everything in me, every feminine instinct I possessed urged me to help him, to comfort and hold him. It had been my gut reaction from the first time we had met. What if my blood had recognised his since the very same DNA ran through our veins. Had it been the brother unknowingly calling out to his sister?

Scott was so very pale and he alternated between a deep frown and a look of awe. His whole expression seemed to say ‘what if?’

He shook his head and his eyes hardened on my parents. “I was abandoned as a child. My parents did not love me, they left me for dead.” His voice was cold, flat.

I felt like lifting my hand and slapping him for his stubbornness. Then again, I wasn’t even sure what I thought about my parents’ confession. After all, I’d spent my life thinking I was a single child and now they were telling me that I wasn’t. They were suddenly announcing to me that I had an older brother. Was Silas right, were they trying to buy time? But why? No one knew we were here and even if Riley suddenly woke up, what could he do against dozens of Wogs, a drainer and a portal without putting my parents and me in harm’s way?

Silas strode over to Scott and I tensed expectantly but he simply clapped his son on the shoulder, grinning proudly. “Well done! If your love and faith in me remain strong, these deceitful RM’s can do nothing against you.”
“You hypocritical bastard,” I said, venom dripping from my every word. “How can you say you hate RM’s and want to kill them all when Scott is one. Your own son’s a Royal Magical!”

I really needed to learn to control my temper.

Silas leaned toward me and I shrank back, trying to hide beneath Scott’s body; the lesser of two evils. Suddenly, Silas stopped, glanced at my parents, then back at me, grinning suspiciously. “I have a better idea,” he said softly before straightening and heading for my parents.

He was going to punish them for my temper! I struggled as hard as I could against Scott, bucking and rearing and his automatic response was to curl his fingers around my nape. “Please, oh god, please!” I was whimpering. I was dizzy and angry and scared out of my mind. I looked up and caught Scott’s eyes, quite similar to my own colour. How had I not noticed that before?

To my complete surprise, Scott winked at me before pressing one finger to his lips. With the hand still wrapped around my neck, he ran his hand through my hair and suddenly, I understood. By wrapping his hands the way he had, he had used my hair as a barrier between his hands and my neck. With a jolt, I realised he wasn’t draining me and that besides my weariness from being beat up, I wasn’t especially weak or dizzy. My eyes widened but with a shake of his head, he made me understand that I had to keep up the pretence. My fake sobs doubled in intensity.

As one, we turned our gazes to the trio and we winced when Silas abruptly pulled the knife from my father’s shoulder. I was proud of him; he didn’t utter a sound, he simply glared at Silas who had his back to Scott and me. Scott rose, silent and deadly as a predator and stalked his father. My mother noticed and her eyes widened in fright. She opened her mouth but raising my hand swiftly, I called her attention to me and frantically shook my head. She hesitated, glanced at him, then me and nodded. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Having reached his father, Scott curled his fingers around his neck and I could almost feel the crackle of energy being drained. I didn’t know much about Drainers but Scott definitely seemed to have turned the power on high. Silas fell to his knees and the knife clattered to the floor. My father quickly kicked away as Silas screeched, “Traitor! You’ll pay for this! You’ll realise they’ve been telling you lies and you’ll come back to me! I raised you! I fed you and clothed you and now you are trying to kill me! Traitor!”

With every venomous word spewed from Silas’s mouth, Scott flinched and I could hear him gasping for breath. I needed to go to him, I decided, and I rose first on my hands and knees, then shakily to my full height. My leg was no longer bleeding, I discovered and welcomed the healing process from deep within me. If only it would make itself felt in my head.

I staggered over to Scott but must have been more shaky than I thought or maybe I just tripped over my own two feet because suddenly I fell and cried out. Scott spun around to catch me as Silas fell lifelessly to the ground. Scott wasn’t fast enough to keep me on my feet but we both went down hard on our knees facing each other.

There were so many emotions crossing Scott’s gaze: pain, guilt, awe, wonder. It made my heart ache and without thinking, I reached out and curled my hand around his nape and then pulled his forehead to mine. Breathing a sigh of relief, I closed my eyes and basked in the comfort brought on by this stranger-turned-brother.

Suddenly I realised that Scott had imitated my gesture and had curled his hand around my nape. Only this time, no hair served as barrier and my eyes opened wide and accusing as I felt a jolt run down my spine.

I blacked out.
Last edited by borntobeawriter on Mon May 02, 2011 1:02 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Whoa. This was just about your best chapter by far. :D

Both Baldy and Blondie were snickering when they turned to meet their boss. They froze.
“What part of ‘just give him a slight bump on the head’ did you miss? He was supposed to be playing a role, not the actual part!”


This part confused me for a moment. I wasn't completely sure who was speaking, so I'd add a dialogue tag, and then I thought that Silas was talking about Riley, not Scott.

Which explained the cuts? It wouldn’t take long for them to become shark bait.


Why are you asking this? It should just be a statement.

“Desidora!”


Again, I wasn't exactly sure who was saying this. And it might be a good idea to quickly remind readers when she was mentioned.

He got a mouthful of a thick coarse material but I was as relentless as a pitbull; I clamped my muscles.


The way you word this, it makes it sounds like he was the one biting.


Okay, so overall it was a great chapter. I don't feel like you brought everything on too quickly, even though there was a lot to absorb. The decision that Scott comes to to save these people seems kind of rushed, although hopefully he'll explain what was going through his mind later? Also, the death of Silas felt a little rushed and anticlimactic (unless you have a surprise twist planned!).

My only "complaint" is that it's a little clichéd; Star Wars, anyone? I mean, I know it's hard to come up with something completely original these days, but that just kind of flashed at me, "You've seen this before!", if you know what I mean.

And I can't believe you're already reaching the last chapters! It's gone by far too quickly! Can't wait to read the upcoming chappies! :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
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Wow!! Great chapters, I just finished reading 16 and 17 and I loved it!

Nothing to complain about here, just can't wait to see what happens next! I didn't see the brother part coming here and it's not really like star wars since Scott is not really the bad guy's son...




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Okay, time to see what your big surprise is!!

Ranger Hawk wrote:“We’re sorry boss,” Blondie stammered. “We’d been so frustrated about disappointing you in our failure to capture Shayna and I guess we put a little more force than necessary.”
“So, what you’re telling me, is that you were angry with me and you let it out on my son?” Silas’s voice was low, dangerously so. Two audible gulps answered him.

This just seems off. I don't think anybody would admit being angry and hurting someone worse than they should; it's a dumb move to tell your boss that

borntobeawriter wrote:“You lie!”
“What would I?”

*Why

borntobeawriter wrote:Apparently he didn’t like to be called crazy. Faster than I ever could have thought possible, Silas brought down his fist across my upturned face and I fell, rapping my head sharply on the hard floor. If I still wore glasses, they would have shattered from the impact.

Okay there's something missing here. Scott is supposed to be holding her, so if Silas hit her, he would have had to let go for her to fall to the floor. Or maybe you can say he lost his grip on her or something...

That was all the nit-picking I found, save for Ranger Hawk's ones. I have to agree/disagree with her on one thing though. I did find that the new found-brother thing was a good surprise, but as she said, the whole part where he decides to believe them is something we've seen before. Although, I wasn't thinking of Star Wars, it actually reminded me of The Mortal Instruments.

I also agree with Ranger Hawk that Silas' come-upping seems too quick. Everyone's terrified for a real long time, but then the next thing you know, he's dead. Might be good to put a little more struggle into it. My personal action-packed opinion, though.

That said, it was a really good chapter. I don't know if there's anymore super twists, with the way you ended it, there always could be, so we'll have to wait and see :D
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Great chapter! You introduced all the information really easily, I didn't feel like I was being bombarded at all.

I do have to agree though that Silas' death was really, well, lame. He's been this big bad guy who's killed so many people yet he is taken down so easily. More action would make this chapter excellent. Also, I hope there is more twisting to come! I can't imagine this story being over so soon.

But . . . you can do what no one else can do! You can transport people from Earth –Terra- to here, you can bring them from one castle to another! No one’s as fast as you! No one-”

Aren't there other people who can be portals? Like the guy who brought them from Terra at the beginning? Other people can do what he can do.

Faster than I ever could have thought possible, Silas brought down his fist across my upturned face and I fell, rapping my head sharply on the hard floor. If I still wore glasses, they would have shattered from the impact.

How did Silas get so close to Shayna? I imagine him all the way on the other side of the room. I feel like that motion would be important not only to the action but to the emotional reactions of Shayna.

“And I still do,” Scott’s voice was smooth, persuasive. “But remember, she’s an RM; I can drain her.

I don't understand the bolded part. The way this sentence is set up, with the semi-colon, it suggests that because she is an RM he can drain her which suggests that Scott can only drain RM's. Maybe have him explain this a little better? It's confusing me as it is.

Unperturbed, he reached for my neck and wrapped both hands around it.

This doesn't seem like the right word. Perturbed, to me, means someone is slightly annoyed. So then he isn't slightly annoyed and therefore tries to drain Shayna? I think you want a different word.

Suddenly, my mother’s voice rang out, “J- Justin?”

It seems like she should have noticed Scott looked startingly like her son a little earlier than this. Unless for some reason he was blocked from their view, in which case that would have to be mentioned.

Her son was taken away at a very early age. Obviously she wouldn't know what he would look like, but she would certainly imagine what he would look like when he got older. She would probably recognize him shortly after seeing him for the first time.

Well, that's all I have. Anyways, great chapter. It's so exciting to watch this come together. I can't believe we're getting close to the end. If you need a beta reader once you go through and do some editing, drop me a messege and I'll be in for it if I'm not too busy. :)

Great job, keep writing!

-Lauren-
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Guys! Guys! Guys! Give me a little credit here with Silas lol! As for Scott; you're all right but there's nothing I can do about it. Everything has already been done and what actually came to my mind was Star Wars, not Mortal Instruments cause they aren't in love.

I'm so happy that you enjoy this so much! Yay! Thank you!
Now I actually have to write the next one...So be patient with me lol

Thanks!
Tanya :D



okay I think I need to grab some nachos
— BluesClues