The Boiler Chapter 1
Geraldine Hancock ran hastily. Her bare feet slapped the wet pavement while her breathe ripped out ice cold froth from her mouth. The night was cold and the streets deserted. All that remained were the homeless lying under street lights, dangerous drug-dealers in the corners, and desperate prostitutes hanging in the dark alleys.
It was the perfect night in Jackson for the Boiler. He was feared all throughout the county. Kidnapping woman who were unfortunate enough to be out alone at midnight to early morning, he took his abducted victims under- ground. The Boiler then cooked them alive, rumours said, and if he was in the mood he would eat them with his retarded son who had been raised to be a cannibal. His mercy, if he had any, was to not boil them but simmer.
A chilling story, but not something Geraldine had ever come to believe in from the past two years the Boiler had appeared. Ever since 2008, several late night women had disappeared and not reported to be seen again. There were only allegations of a tall dark man in several alleys, with a two foot knife in his hand cutting something open, and then he would seem to disappear.
Yet tonight Geraldine more than believed it. As she was running she regretted going out that night with her friends. They had all gone to a popular club for Geraldine’s eighteenth birthday. Hanging around for a bit, Geraldine got bored and decided to go for a walk. A walk turned into a run, after she had seen a strange figure in an alley across the street from her. He started to run at her from the end of the alley with something glinting in his hand. Geraldine remembered all the stories and rumours. That’s when she ran.
Now, running down Chaldea Street, the most deserted of all, with her high heel boots clattering together in her hand Geraldine kept looking behind her wondering if he was coming. Finally an inter-section appeared and across the main road was the Mermaid Club. The lights were bright and moving rapidly and she could hear the low strong rhythm of the bass.
“At last,” she sighed.
Running across the street was fine considering there were no cars passing through; it was the noise she heard that wasn’t ‘fine’. The music and shouts of people in the club was loud, but of all the things she could hear, Geraldine heard a chilling sound the most. It was a man back in Chaldea Street laughing, hysterically. She couldn’t see him but she could outright hear him. He was somewhere in that dark street, and under that laugh she swore she could hear him saying “you’re next”.
Geraldine walked back into the club with chills down her spine.
Overall
I like the way you start this-- immediately, conflict, which is exactly how it needs to be done. Normally running isn't terribly interesting, but something about the way you crafted the character makes it a good hook. Just consider spreading out the background info and heightening the emotions/descriptions, and this is a good start.