I love you

ilovemyboys,

I was a tad confused. Is this from a girls or guys perspective? Or...could it be a story of two female lovers ? Perhaps you should do some soul searching. But I liked it when you used the word "raked" to describe the girls hands in his/her hair. That was deep, especially for a twelve year old. Keep writing!

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! I love love love it! oh gosh took my breath away
First of all i like how you explained her in a way that seemed like a dream so you knew that your character was truly seeing more than skin deep at some points. I mean she might have been the plainest looking girl ever but you made her sound like a goddess
I also love how your love was created over friendship or a bond and how it grew and grew till the two characters weaved into each other and set the story in motion again.

I would love to hear more from you keep up the amazing work!

sara13

ilovemyboys wrote:She is beautiful.
Her pale green eyes full of passion every time she kissed him.
Her light brown hair tied into an elegant plait , strands falling into front of her eyes.
Her milky skin, softer than velvet.
Her delicate heart shaped face, sprinkled with freckles.
Her pale pink lips curved up into a smiled.
Her name, the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
Olivia.
I could go on saying her name forever.
Olivia.
The way she worried about me.
The way she ditched her friends and boyfriend just to speak to me.
The way she cried in my arms when he dumped her.
The way she lead on my body, her arms around my neck.
The way her sweet breath fanned over my face.
The way she raked her fingers through my black hair.
The way my heart thumped when she fell asleep on me.
The way her chest rose and fell at every breath.
The way she smiled at me when she woke up.
The way she rubbed her thumb on my cheek.
The way she told me the three words I had always wanted to hear.
I love you.
The way she said my name.
Rainer.
The way she kissed me, sending jolts through my entire body.
The way she held my hand, her slim fingers wrapping around my calloused ones.
The way she looked straight into my blue eyes.
The way she smiled when I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
The way she wrapped her arms around my torso.
The way I stuttered when I said
I love you
The way she dragged my blanket over us.
The way she used my chest as a pillow.
The way I circled her waist with my strong arms.
The way we just dreamed in each others arms.
The way I woke up to see the girl of my dreams still in her uniform and her hair coming our of it's plait.
To me, she was everything.
She was my other half.
She was my soul mate.
She loved me.
I loved her.
That was all that mattered, as long as we believed in eachother.
Forever.

All I can say is WOW..
This has feeling and a real sense of maturity.
The discriptioin in this was more then fantastic.
Keep writing and PM when you write more.
I'll be waiting..
Your fan
Kaka girl X X

hey ilovemyboys, i thought this story was absolutely wonderful in every way. well, except for the repetitive 'the way', i loved, loved, loved it!! i could seriously put my self into the story, into the room that they were sleeping in. i could picture Olivia, and i could totally picture Rainer the hottie. your very good at describing characters, but you could go just a bit farther with it. i also loved how you made the story look like a poem, unique. to me, this sounded like the story of a boy-girl friendship turned romantic when she realizes she had always loved Rainer. maybe you could add how old they are. probably teenagers, right? i also have seen a picture on the Internet that might describe Rainer really well. could you also explain what a plait is? i mean, i love the different use of the word. do you mean a ponytail, or what? still, it was nice to read your story. very intense, deep. you portrayed Rainer's thoughts well. keep writing, and review me back!!- darkfictionboys out! <3

all I'm going to say is my baby sisters name is olivia and I think its one of the most beautiful names in the world.
AWESOME!

You put the word "plait" in there alot, that kind of annoyed me to be honest. I loved the poem but I have no idea what that means lol(:. Anyways, overall your poem is bursting with passion. It has such a nice flow and you really made me picture Olivia she seems really beautiful and I love the way you described her face, her hair, her eyes and the way she makes you feel. Or rainer feel (:. I think this poem has alot of feeling and I love it, I like the ending and if Olivia is a real person I can tell you really do love her, or at least Rainer does(:.

Woah wait! Sorry it's me again but... whahhh??? O.o! Your 12?!! If you are really twelve your a spectacular writer. You my friend MUST keep writing. It's obvious you have amazing talent, you have to keep improving your writing skills and make sure you dont give up because I know that someday you will be an AMAZING WRITER.

Hey there! This piece was very sweet and had great emotion. I agree with some of the other reviewrs that there is so much more potential for this. As one othere person put it, this was more like a poem than a short story. You could probably write this in an actual story format easily. There were a few little grammar mishaps, but those are easily fixed. I think if you expand on this that it would be even better!
Keep it up!
~Luxy