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A Modest Proposal: in Regards to the BP Oil Spill
Unless you’ve had your head in the ground for the past two months, or you live in an Amish community, you would know about the catastrophic oil leak that is currently polluting the Gulf of Mexico. You would also know that BP, the company whose oil rig exploded and caused this whole fiasco, has effectively demonstrated its incompetence through its attempts at stopping the underwater oil leak. Most recently, BP attempted an operation, titled “Top Kill,” to clog the pipe from which oil was spewing out into the Gulf by pumping mud into the pipe. This plan failed, not surprisingly, and now BP is saying that they’re next plan involves underwater robots repairing the pipe. Now, if BP couldn’t manage to stop this leak with tons of mud, what are the odds of them being able to repair a specific part of the pipeline with remote control robots in water, deep water, filled with oil? If this operation, titled operation “Top Ramen,” fails, then BP will resort to other backup plans such as operation “Top Gun,” operation “Top Chef,” and operation “Top, Drop and Roll.” Clearly, BP and their obsession with operations with “top” somewhere in the title cannot fix this problem in the Gulf, but there is something that can. That “something,” kind readers, is the military might of the United States of America.
The U.S. military can arguably, but rather confidently, I believe, be recognized as the most powerful military force in the world. This is partly because of their arsenal of bombs and nuclear weapons. Therefore, my simple solution that I propose to you is that the U.S. military use their bombs of all kinds to blow up the Gulf of Mexico. It’s quite simple, really; the U.S. military would expend every single one of its nuclear and non-nuclear explosives in the bombing of the Gulf of Mexico. The force of the combined explosions would propel all of the oil out of the Gulf of Mexico, and most likely onto the lands nearby. Of course, along with the oil, everything else on the Gulf would be removed. Unfortunately, this means that all of the water, marine animals, and marine vegetation would be wiped out or launched onto the land masses around the gulf. This might seem like a deal-breaker, but I believe it is the cost of having an unpolluted Gulf. After the Gulf has been emptied, the U.S. and Mexico could share the Gulf as a new Grand Canyon. Imagine the revenue from tourism! The nuclear fallout would add to the thrilling experience of hiking in the Grand Canyon 2.0.
One downside to this plan, it seems, is that the U.S. military would be drained of its supply of bombs and explosive devices. At first this seems like a major setback, since the U.S. is currently involved in conflicts in the Middle East, but it would be a tremendously greater risk to let a company, such as BP, use inferior tactics to save the Gulf of Mexico. After all, if oil kept polluting the Gulf of Mexico at the rate it is now, then American and Mexican coastlines would be dirty and unattractive, and gas prices would undoubtedly go up. This seems to be the most sensible solution, to me. By bombing the Gulf of Mexico, the oil would be removed and the Gulf would be saved from pollution.
I realize that this proposal of mine to blow up the Gulf of Mexico might seem inappropriate or absurd to some of you, but is there really any other way to solve this crisis? Unless the navies and coast guards of nations combined forces and worked together to clean up the oil and stop the leak, or something like that, I simply cannot conceive another way of saving the Gulf of Mexico. I hope that you take my proposal into consideration and realize that it is probably the only effective way to end this crisis.
