Alone I Stand: Chapter One

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Ashlie


I ran, ran for my life. Some maniac was chasing me, but I wasn't able to see their face. I knew they had killed someone. A girl. I had seen it with my own eyes. I knew exactly where I was going. I found the road, finally. But, clumsy me, I fell, scraping my knee. And the mini skirt didn't help much either!

The street was cold and wet from the fresh rain. I had been running through the forest for a while, then I found the road. But, unfortunately, the road was rarely used. I sighed, trying to get up. I saw the man run out of the bushes where I had come from. I began to run, but he out his arm around my waist to stop me. I screamed, and he covered my mouth with his grubby, dirty hand. I could taste the rust and dirt in my mouth. He dropped me on the ground, and I instinctively rolled so that I was on my back. He got on top of me, one leg on each side of my body.

I kicked and screamed, but he kept the hand over my mouth. I hit him in his jaw, and paused when he let go of my mouth to put his hand on his jaw. I should have screamed, but I was too blonde to think of that. So I sat there for a short moment, watching him wipe the blood from his lip.

He smiled, his teeth covered in blood. He ripped open my shirt. I let out a loud earsplitting scream. He swung his hand, a rock in it. It struck my face, cutting off my scream.

Darkness covered me, and I couldn't feel anything. I could feel the blackness pushing on my soul, then pulling me like water in a storm. Then, there was the light. I looked up to it. "No," I said to it. "Let me say goodbye to Nash first." I saw an angel as I floated up. The angel nodded, and the light faded.

I watched as the tall dark man pulled my dead body off the road just in time. A car passed by on the road, not even slowing down. It passed through me, making me gasp and stumble. How unusual. I followed the man as he dragged me down the hillside through the underbrush of the forest, past the river, then he pulled me into a cave. This was miles away from the road. He stopped, dropping my head on the hard ground. I saw that my face had been badly injured by the stone he had hit me with, and it was bleeding.

It was a sight that disgusted me. I had never looked that bad sense that party about three months ago when I met Nash, my boyfriend. That was the worst and the best time of my life. Though, Nash was there selling drugs, I still fell in love with him. He had changed me from the stuck up cheerleader I was to the fun loving trouble maker I was now. He was the light of my life, I guess you could say.
Hakuna Matata <3
RIP to all my friends who didn’t make it.

Hop freight or get lost.




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hi this seems like a good start!
I screamed, and he covered my mouth with his grubby, dirty hand

grubby and dirty mean basically the same thing and using them both clutters up the sentence. i'd say stick with just grubby.
I saw an angel as I floated up. The angel nodded, and the light faded.

i would slow down a bit and describe how beautiful and other-worldly the angel was. otherwise its a bit too fast paced.
I should have screamed, but I was too blonde to think of that

i'm usually the first to crack a blonde joke but in writing its too prejudice. blondes will get offended because you're stereotyping. say stupidor dumb or her mind was too muddled to think of screaming.
because you've written this in first person, its all like i did this and i did that. try to mix it up a bit and start your sentences with something other than I or He.
-jackle
check it out - novel.php?id=1132




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Thank you very much! I'd like you to please look at one of my other stories. A Midnight Walk Through Zombie Park chapters one and two. Thank you again!

~Tabitha~
Hakuna Matata <3
RIP to all my friends who didn’t make it.

Hop freight or get lost.




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Wow sakin. I really liked this one. Are you going t post more? Tell me if you do.
When you turn to face the sun, all of the shadows fall behind you.
I used to be Writer97 but that was boring so I changed it. PandaRawr is more me.




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Wow, truly I forgot all about this one! But yes, I'll try to post more somewhere!
Hakuna Matata <3
RIP to all my friends who didn’t make it.

Hop freight or get lost.



Spend your days thinking about things that are good and true and beautiful and noble, and you will become good and true and beautiful and noble.
— Matthew Kelly