Descending to Who I Am

I've noticed:
As my life gets worse my creativity inflames.
I am like a spasm - hard to stop on your own.
I can't escape from this place,
from this state of mind - pain.
And whenever I try
goose bumps rise from the
surface and
implant themselves
on my heart,
covering all sense of direction I need for life.
I am lost - like a child in a grocery store
without their mother.
I can't find her.
All I see are these tall columns of
brand products I've never even
heard of - In a maze. And
I need help.
I need help.

Very interesting poem. i love how at the end you state that you need help, and then emphasize it on the last line by REALIZING you need help. it was a thoughtful poem. keep it up.

This was well written, I just have a few things to point out

I am lost - like a child in a grocery store
without their mother.

Instead of 'their' you should have 'his' 'her' or 'its' because you said "like a child" (Sorry I sound a bit picky)

I also think you could do without the last line. You already said that you need help, there really is no need to repeat it.

All in all, it was well written, keep up the good work!

bizarre... quirky... interesting!

I liked it. That's the best kind of poem. The only thing I would say is although I liked your grocery store thing, I wouldn't elaborate on it so much.

This wasn't really helpful, but, yeah. There wasn't much wrong with it, and I'm lazy.

Wow very good. I can really relate. Well lets see...

Over all very nice. It flows well and it seems easy for people to relate to. That's a good quality when it comes to poetry, well done.

The only thing I didn't like was the comparison you made to the store. You conveyed it beautifully, but I feel like it was an ordinary example. It works, but I feel you could turn a good poem into a great poem if you came up with a different comparison.

Sorry it's not much, but it's a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. If you make any changes let me know I'd love to read it again if you do.

~Greed

Greetings Creative I'm LastPaladin and this piece is best I've seen all day, not for the complexity but for the simple nature and how we can all relate to it. A person can write a poem and no one can relate a genius can write one relating to others and themselves, and it liked more. I've no much to say. Except great poem and superb job on crafting this masterpiece.

Favourite lines:

As my life gets worse my creativity inflames.
I am like a spasm - hard to stop on your own.

Hope this helps

THE BIGGEST CLICHE EVER-pain. arent you people sick of the unecessary relevance it has in poetry.grow the crap up. poetry can be beautiful and sad without that bull

Message from Moderator: Please don't use bad language except for in literary works. We like to be family friendly. - Suzanne

This poem is riveting. I have to say though it sounds kind of depressing and it makes it out that you need to go to a psyche ward