Forever Moore

"Who is she?" Alec asked again.
"Forever."
"That's what I thought you said. What kinda name's that?"
"How am I supposed to know?", the young boy looked at him angrily.
"Fine, get out of here!" Alec said with a wave of his hand as the boy hoped away from the hand that was possibly meant for his face.

Forever. That's an odd name. I wonder where she's from? Alec's thoughts were cut short as the final bell began to ring and the hallways filled up with more kids. Alec ran to his locker and to the bus, all while trying to get away from a group of cheerleaders but with no luck.
"Hey Alec! Why the rush?" Lynn Chi, the head cheerleader, yelled at him.
"No where, bye!" Being around girls, especially cheerleaders, made him nervous.

He made it to the bus and was about to sit in his assigned seat when he realized someone was sitting in it, a girl.
"Um, hey, this is my seat." He said it a little more coldly than he meant. She looks familiar. Where have I seen her?
"She told me to sit here." The girl pointed to the driver.
"Um, Okay then," He sat down and the girl moved closer to the window as he did,"well, I'm Alec." He said offering his hand. At first, she just looked at it like it was a piece of garbage but slowly took it.
"Forever." Her voice was small and cold. So that's where I know her from! She is the new girl everyone is talking about and the one that sat across from me at lunch!
"Well Forever, it's nice to meet you." She just gave a weak smile. "Where do you live?" This is the first time I've ever tried to talk to a girl! I wonder what it is about her?
"Apple-pot Road." Again her voice was small.
"No way! I live on Peach Pie Street just down the block! In case you didn't know, all of our towns street are named after fruit because this town was built on an orchid." Alec said all of this without taking a breath and without Forever saying a single word. She is shy. Around me? No girl has ever been shy of me, I've been shy of them!
"What grade are you in?" Alec was determined to get her talking one way or another.
"I'm a Sophomore." Her voice was a little louder now.
"Really? I am a Junior. I moved here last summer with my folks so I know how it feels to be a new kid." The only reaction he got was a tiny, Excuse me, as she got up and left the bus.

Alec's eyes followed her. Why did he feel so bold around her? He looked down at where she had been sitting. A small folded up paper lay there. He picked it up and read:

It read like the kind of slap-dash approach you get from manga about schools. Also the line at the end where he explains why all the streets have the strawberry short cake names was a kind of nerdy Michael Cera moment, you know, where the character passes on some information with some significance yet none at all. I mean sure the character was new to the town but that kind of speach mindset doesnt match someone in high school, unless that person is themselves a kind of spastic knowledge dispensary.

which brings me to my main concern, characterization. There's a boy, and a cheerleader that pops in for a moment, and we know she's a girl, and finally there's forever.

Thats it.

Forever is new and she's 'different'.

THAT is it.

I'm not saying this is a bad story or that you should stop, just that if you do expand on this, please, please please, EXPAND on this, let us know more, give us more life than a pop up book.

Anyways, if you add to this, let me know.

Hey hi!

There was some interesting character interaction here, but I'm not sure if what I got from it is exactly what you are going for. Forever seems actually really nervous around Alec, who seems socially awkward. Why exactly was he so interested in her in the beginning? Was he actually going to hit that kid? And why, if he was so interested in finding out her name and stuff about her, did he pretty much forget what she looked like and only finds her "familiar" when he runs into her on the bus. You would think he would remember her a bit more, considering he'd just seen her a few hours before at lunch.

Are you going to add on to this? It seems like just a few moments in time out of a story, rather than a contained story in and of itself. Why is Alec comfortable talking to Forever when he's supposedly nervous talking to other girls? What was the meaning of the writing on the piece of paper? So many questions!

It wasn't so bad because of how short the piece was, but the paragraphs need to be separated a bit more. As is, they're mostly clumped together in big blocks of text which is really hard on the reader.

This seems like it could be an interesting story, but it's so short that we don't really have a chance to get into the characters and their lives. I want to see more interaction, more explanation, more development! More!