Always?

A girl was in love
With a boy in her class
They love to flirt
And mess around
They got on alright
But the girls best friend
Was in ove with her
Could it be the end?
Days and weeks passed
She asked the boy out
He said yes
So, they went about
They got in a fight
She hurt the most
Her friend was always there
But he didn't boast
He was a shoulder to cry on
A king among boys
He loved her so much
But he played with dino toys
One night she came round
He was really confused
She told him she loved him
And that she was being used
They kissed and the cuddled
All through the night
Forever and always
They held on tight
One day they got married
And had a few kids
But she got ill
And finally opened the lid
She went into hospital
She wanted to leave
Her husband was loyal
And always agreed
One day she spoke
And he was crying
She said that she
Was actually dying
They said their farewells
He he said to her
You'll always be mine
She said
Forever and ever
x

Hey there! I see your a brand new member to YWS Nice to meet you! I'm Suzanne, and I've got a lovely review for you. If you have any questions about the site, feel free to give me a PM.

So, you've got a wonderful start of a poem here, but I do have some suggestions on how to improve it:

1. Read over it. There are some spots where there are typos which I'm sure you could catch quiet easily on your own.

2. Punctuate. You've got some punctuation here and there, but just like any part of the English language, punctuation is needed at all times. (Unless you exclude it for artistic reasons, and I don't think this is the case. ) If you don't punctuate, your reader might get lost and not be sure how to follow the poem. If you want some help, go to the "resources" tab up top, click on "knowledge base" then "poetry tutorials". There's a few on punctuation and poetry - even one by me!

3. Be more specific. Your poem covers a long period of time, but it never really, truly settles anywhere with emotion. You've got a lot of it going on. At first I thought this poem was going to be about a fight between friends over a boy. But then things were okay, then they got married, then she was dying? There was just too much in this poem for me to really focus on one thing. Rather than telling the story, you might want to pick a specific moment in these character's life so as to capture the "forever and always" feeling behind the poem. You want to show the emotion, not just tell us about it.

4. Ditch the rhyme scheme, trust me! You've got some strange lines in here ("But he played with dino toys") just to accommodate the rhyme scheme. Rhyming can be fun and nice, but at first it's difficult because it forces you in a direction you may not actually want to be going. To start out, you just want to be able to put down exactly the things you want. Rhyming isn't going to help you with that. So, toss it out! Don't let it hinder you in any way. Rhyming can come later.

5. Read more poetry. Yup. I learned most of what I know now by reading poetry. Even if you just read and review poetry on this site, look at other members reviews of poetry, and so on, you'll quickly learn the intricate parts of poetry. I consider it the hardest form of written art, so the more you can soak up the better.

I hope this review helped! Best of luck. And again, if you have any questions about the site feel free to send me a message!

Suzanne was quite thorough, and her advice is sound; I suggest you listen to her. All I really have to add is some advice regarding formatting and imagery.

The format of your poem has a huge impact on how it is perceived. Punctuation is one aspect of formatting, as is where you start and end your lines and stanzas. Stanzas generally act as paragraphs in a poem, and they can signal a shift in a poem's focus or viewpoint while the start/end of lines can subtly change the meaning of your poem. Playing around with where you break your lines and stanzas is a good thing to do for practice, and you may be pleasantly surprised by the results.

As far as imagery goes, one of the most prominent ways for a poem to stand out is if it has unique imagery. The easiest way to get unique imagery is to consider the subject you are writing about, find a way of looking at it that you've never heard of before but makes perfect sense to you, and then write so that everyone who reads that poem will go "Oh! I've never thought of it like that before, but it makes so much sense!" A good thing to remember about imagery is that it should always be easy to visualize and understand.

Good luck with writing.