The Wolf

Sentinel of this hallowed ground
Warn foolish men of a new-evil found
Sleeping dormant in God-fearing men;
A wolf that slumbers within his den.

With a sleeping vengeance that will suddenly rise,
He stalks the forest with greed filled eyes
To take the life of more feeble men
And drag them, captives, to his den.

But as morning comes so does the mask
That hides the beast before the last
Owl that croons in haunted woods
Flees the land to tend her brood.

A warning set now in the raven's call,
"He looks like a man but not at all!"
But the beast that dips his head to drink
From the shattered souls that dare to sleep.

And now the innocent, bones they lie,
From the jaws of evil, they have died.
And now the raven plucks the tooth
From children's bones, snatched from Youth.

Beware the smile of the misleading man
His words drip poison like hourglass-sands
But listen instead to the sentinel bird,
"Man take head and hear my words!"

"Even the one who prays at his bedside
Can become the wolf when the moon is nigh."


--

Thanks for reading, and any feedback is appreciated. There is *supposed* to be a message within this poem, I hope you as readers managed to catch it


-Moo

Double post, somehow o.e Sorry, all.

I dont really know if the number of synonyms followed sonnet outlines, but I dont really care about that haha. Good imagery and I liked the flow of the poem. Diction was nice and it was pretty easy to imagine what was going on. nice job

Hi Cleeo,

Thank you for your comment. I don't get what you mean by this though:

I don't really know if the number of synonyms followed sonnet outlines

The poem isn't a sonnet and I think you meant syllable instead of synonym?

Anyways, thanks.

-Moo

I have never read a piece that describes the wolf the way you do it was dark in my opinion but honestly very good. The ending kind of confused me though. Other than that it has got to be my favorite poem I have read so far so keep writing.

For the most part your meter was okay (and trust me, many people botch it), so kudos for that.

I won't nitpick everything, but there's a couple trouble places that need fixing.

With a sleeping vengeance that will suddenly rise

The above line is too long by a syllable or two. It doesn't work with its following line. What if you changed it to "With sudden sleeping vengeance that will rise"?

In the fourth stanza/final two lines you have a very awkward dependent clause. It doesn't make sense whatsoever (though that bit about shattered souls is interesting) and needs an independent clause somehow.

Next line of the fifth stanza ('innocent') needs to have that comma before 'bones' gone. It ruins the momentum of the reader and, correct me if I'm wrong, is a comma splice.

Overall, you had a very interesting theme and the meter/rhyme was decent. Just fix those iffy places and it shall be quite nice.

Thanks for sharing this with us.

–antimelrose