Horatio

Horatio

in all my dreamt up philosophies
I was a seafarer, Horatio.
sailing between heaven and earth
the gold on my jacket,
the romance in my heart,
but you tore away my fantasies;

here was no escape to history,
here was no chance to refuse reality,
sweet cold rationality gripped me,
ghost-faced, and never let go.


Of Note: I wrote this quite a while ago. In fact, I don't remember writing this at all, but I found it cleaning out my car, written down on the back of a receipt.

Hiya,

So, I wanted to like this poem. I really did. However, it somehow just fell flat. I'm not going to lie; you did have lovely imagery and description that made me feel like I was immersed in the scene. However, it seems to be all that you have. Character and focus seemed to be lacking. I understand that this a poem and there shouldn't be as much focus on this as in a story, but I still think that you could do a better job.

In two stanzas, what do you sum up? First, that your narrator is a sea-faring adventurer, and that he has been somehow been influenced by a person called Horatio. So? What do you want us to walk away with knowing? Just a ton of pretty imagery? Why should be influenced by the characters or relate with them any way possible? Again, I understand that this a poem and character is less prevalent, but I like to think of poetry as just another medium of storytelling. This needs more detail, basically, if we want to relate with the characters and understand what they're going through. Maybe give us more about why the narrator started off on his sea journeys.

Another thing I don't understand is the title of this poem. You call it Horatio, yet there is only one mention of his name, and he's simply passive-the narrator is only telling him the story of his life. How exactly he influence the narrator's journeys, and why is he being told this?

I think you have a few really good points that you could explore in this poem, yet you barely just scratch the service of any of them. If you really dig deep into what this is about, you can reach your full potential. Good luck with this, and PM me if you need anything.

-Elinor xo

This poem is so simple its cute! Yes it was flat but its the type of poem to look like it going to build up then its,"oh no sorry didnt get to that bit." But i like because it made me dream,for the 12 seconds i started to read,i started to imagine pirate adventures. Its the type of flat poem you smile at and say "well bummer its flat." xD

Hey there!

Overall, this poem had a nice concept and some nice imagery, but I felt that this was something like a draft of the real piece. There's something incomplete and lacking about it - like it was just an expression of an idea. Yes, the idea's there, but the question is - what are you trying to tell us?

I also couldn't find a connection between the first and second stanza. Something seems to be missing there somewhere.

Good job, it just needs more elaboration. Keep writing!