Diary of a Broken Girl [Chapter Seven]

Chapter 7 – February 20th

My therapist got me to open my mouth today. She threatened that if I didn’t open my mouth, she’d get me to call my mother and talk to her for half an hour. I immediately started talking.
We discussed the reasons I’m here, and what I could possibly do to get out. She threw a lot of suggestions at me. It was too much information to take in during one session.
After a little while, I snapped at her and she let me go back to my room. I guess nothing gets past her.


I’m sitting in the darkness of my room. I don’t know where my roommate is. I just dragged a razor across my wrist and now I’m bleeding all over this notebook. I hope therapists like blood stains.
This will show her just how desperate I am for death.

Hi. I'm Hawkie and I'll be your reviewer today.

In my opinion, your writing needs some fattening up. The "diary format" can be dangerous because it runs the risk of falling into boring, plain "she did this, I did that, he did this" prose. Your grammar is fine and you seem like a good storyteller, but without details and meat it's hard for you to showcase your skills. Plus, it makes the story just rush by too fast.

I've noticed that, several times in this story, you've mentioned your character cutting herself with scissors, razors, etc. This would almost never be the case in real life. If a teen was that suicidal and prone to cutting herself, she would be monitored extremely closely and great pains would be taken to limit her access to anything sharp.

In fact, you could even make a great side-plotline out of your character desperately looking for a blade and being unable to find one. And side-plotlines are grand, because they add meat and substance to a book.

A final word of warning to you. There are tons of "depressed/schizophrenic/anorexic teen" stories out there, so you need to be careful. Stereotypical plots aren't necessarily bad - but they can be. I'm not saying your story is stereotypical, but it has all the potential to become that way if you don't add your own unique plot twists.

Keep working on this!

-Hawkie-

Alright, so i vaguely recall reviewing the first six chapters of this and i must say i am a bit disappointed. The first part of this one is good but all the cutting is getting annoying. She can be depressed and mopey but like Hawkie said, if she's so suicidal, she would be monitored EXTREMELY closely. So I would say make a side-plot of her finding other ways to hurt herself. Also, I would love to see more of the main plot coming in now. And maybe some other characters besides just the therapist and roommate.
Overall you do depression really well. I'm a mostly happy person and this opened my eyes a bit to the world of the unhappy.
Keep writing!
Toodles!
Em