Adrenaline

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Hey, crazy inspiration came on this one. I was watching a commercial for Michigan and traveling there, and it showed a picture of this couple, just sitting on this rock, and it seemed so innocent and beautiful. And I HAD TO WRITE about it. But, there's a twist.
Review please and I'll review back.

Thanks so much!:)

It was just me. And it was just him. And we were one. One pulse. One soul. One essence. Encircling our shallow breaths of hesitation and intertwining our bonded hearts, the echo of the lonely waves, pulsating and writhing like sighing, forlorn spirits against the frowning rocks moved through us, our heartbeats becoming a sole entity with the timbre of the mighty yet somehow timid sea. Two beings was all it took.
We, us, or it, clung to our last sense of life: each other, and the pure adrenaline coarsing through our veins, and the soft caress of each others intertwined hands. Our eyes met. My own eyes, as green as the spirit of the sea before us, and his own, a gentle shade of brown like the rock on which we watched our lives stroll by like a kaleidoscope of wonder, and the piece of matter that we had balanced who we were on, stared at each other.
And, we jumped.
And we were love.
It sploshed around us and we became what we felt most in our souls.
In that instance, we felt something, something igniting in our veins like a wildfire blazing through a dry, virgin land that never experienced its wrath, but beauty before.
We felt ecstasy.
And we had to, you see, because it was the end of the world.
Last edited by RiverStar73519 on Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
An unknown person once said, "I really have nothing to put for my signature."

Oh right! That person was me!




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Can y'all review please?:)
An unknown person once said, "I really have nothing to put for my signature."

Oh right! That person was me!




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Hi RiverStar!

That was beautiful. I loved how you described everything so poetically, it just brought the image of the story to my mind. There are just a few things I didn't understand:
And, we jumped. And we were love, or something.

I don't think that you need a comma after "and". Also, the second sentence kind of breaks that poetic feeling that you were building. I don't really get the "or something" part. It might flow better if you cut it out or change it to something else.
You kind of left it on a cliffhanger. The end of the world? I have to read more!

Keep writing!
~Earthfire




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anyone else care to review??:)
An unknown person once said, "I really have nothing to put for my signature."

Oh right! That person was me!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 896
Reviews 12
Bump!:)
An unknown person once said, "I really have nothing to put for my signature."

Oh right! That person was me!



Man is by nature a political animal.
— Aristotle