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Little Girl

Crayon · 2005-12-17T06:25:02Z

An innocent Little Girl, Big green eyes and Blonde curls, Dancing in the living room, Giggles and twirls. A sweet little lady, Pig tails and fake pearls. Dancing on the stage, With other little girls. A wonderful pre-teen, Lip’s glossed, pink ear rings. Idolises Boy bands, Dances and sings. Now she’s a teenager, Cherry Lipstick and wild hair. Batting her thick eyelashes, Living without a care. Mother’s darling child, Daddies little girl, Her eyes are still big and green, But her hair has lost the curl. A night out with friends, Living life all she can Dancing at clubs, She meets a nice man. He tells her he wants her, She tries to walk away. “have another drink, No baby please stay” She sits back down, What harm can it do? He whispers again, “Can I kiss you?” The innocent little girl, Tries to turn away, But the intoxicated teen, Tells him its ok. He takes her away, From the dancing and the friends, She wants to leave him, She closes her eyes, she pretends. She pretends she the little girl, Dancing in her Cherry dress, Pretends she’s the little lady, Making a terrible mess. She pretends she’s the Pre-teen, Her hair full of clips. But then she’s herself, Smacking her lips. She can feel him inside her, She starts to scream out, “Shut up little bitch” She hears him shout. He wraps his belt around her, She can feel it pull tight. He lays her head down. And kisses her goodnight. They find her next morning, Her green eyes shut tight, Somebody has to tell her parents, She was murdered last night.

Fireweed

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 335

Sun Feb 12, 2006 10:03 am

Fireweed says... · Sun Feb 12, 2006 10:03 am

Like several people mentioned, it was a bit repetetive and rhyme-y, but the way you showed the girl maturing was really effective. Your rhymes are good- not to forced; but I have to agree with TBR about the length. However, there are some great things here, and I know this sounds sickeningly corny, but it really moved me. It's so sad... because... well obviously because she gets murdered, but it's more than that. It's kind of a lament for lost childhood & innocence.

Snoink, your'e not alone in being surprised about the ending. I wasnt expecting it either. :shock:

Good job not making it too predictalble. I think the best part of this is right before the guy murders her, and like her whole life flashes before her eyes... that was really well done.

Sooo, I didnt say much that had'nt been said, but nice work on this.

"I myself am composed entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."- Augusten Burroughs

SharonPie01

Gender

Points 1040

Reviews 6

Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:42 pm

SharonPie01 says... · Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:42 pm

Hm,there are,as people say,errors but I love it myself.It is good and the point god aswell.I love how you discribe the girl.Good job!

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby Everytime-Britney Spears

As ideas are always better than their execution, so too must dough taste better than cookies.
— Horisun

Little Girl

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