Don't Cry for Someone Like Me

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A/N: These two (very short) stories are from some writing exercises I did a while back using the characters from a novel I started and never finished. I revised them quite a bit and thought that they made nice stand-alone pieces. Any thoughts?
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“Mom, this is boring. Can’t I go outside?” asked a four year old Wolfe. Cole, still too young to speak in full sentences, or even use most words, clapped his hands in agreement.

Their mother momentarily sopped bouncing baby Crispin on her knee to stare him down. “It’s raining outside.”

“So?” he queried insolently. “It’s always raining outside.”

“It’s not always raining,” she replied authoritatively and went back to bouncing Crispin on her knee, making him laugh and clap his hands. “Besides, it’s family time.”

Wolfe glared, able to argue his point even at his young age. “If it’s family time, why isn’t Dad here?”

The Queen’s face darkened and she averted her gaze. The frequency of Crispin’s bouncing increased. “The King is busy, Wolfe.” She always did that. Never once had Wolfe heard her say “your father” or “my husband.” It was always “the King,” as if she wanted nothing more than to distance herself from him in any way that she possibly could. “He has no time to spend on such frivolous activities.” Something about her bitter tone and unfamiliar word choice would have told Wolfe that she was quoting something she had been told had he only been just a little older and a little wiser to the ways of people. For now, though, he just thought it odd and realized for once in his life that perhaps it was time for him to just sit down and be quiet.

Around five very tense minutes had passed by the time the queen grinned (though Wolfe saw that it reached nowhere near her eyes) and looked down at her son. “Why Wolfe, I do believe that this is the first time you’ve ever stopped complaining for more than a few minutes.” Wolfe blushed and almost protested, even getting so far as to open his mouth, but his mouth closed as he really listened to his mother’s laugh. No, he decided. I won’t ruin this for her. She needs this.
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Cole, only six years old, stared at his mother laying on her bed. It was rare that she woke now, and her skin was already taking on the pallor of the dead despite the morbid fact that the kingdom’s best physician had estimated that she still had two days left.

Grimly, Cole left his place in the doorway and made his way quietly to her bed. Swallowing hard, he reached out and gripped her larger, more delicate hand in his own smaller, chubbier one. Biting his bottom lip, he tried and failed to hold back his sorrow. He felt a lone tear slide down his cheek and down to the tip of his nose. More tears soon followed, efficiently blurring his vision. Still, though, he had enough clarity in his vision to watch as that first, traitorous tear splashed onto the back of his mother’s hand. It was then that the queen awoke. Smiling weakly, she lifted her hand to wipe away the tears on Cole’s cheek, all the while keeping his hand in hers. “Don’t waste your tears on someone like me, my son,” she whispered feebly.

Cole’s eyes widened and, confused, he whispered back, “But Mama, what do you mean someone like you?”

In response, she merely kept smiling, staring sadly into his eyes as she gave his hand a squeeze so weak he wasn’t even sure if he had felt it. Then, she closed her eyes and became so still Cole began to panic. Not even sleep had the power to turn one so stiff.

For several awful minutes Cole stared at her, so intent that the tears stopped falling, just waiting for her chest to rise and fall with the breath of life. No such miracle occurred.

He wanted more than anything to cry now, but he used all the self restraint he possessed to keep his eyes dry. The very least he could do was honor his mother’s last wish, even if he didn’t know exactly what she had meant or why she had made it.




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Hello, these were well written, but I think you could have expanded more on some parts, like the whole King and Queen thing. Are they part of a pack?

No, he decided. I won’t ruin this for her. She needs this.


I'm not sure if a 4 year old would be able to think this...unless he's an extremely intelligent 4 year old. My suggestion would be to make your younger characters really seem like toddlers instead of already matured people. You, as the author, obviously might not remember what it was like to be that young, so I would observe younger siblings if you have any or just watch how little kids behave on TV and let that guide you.

I would also add in some "childish" observations. Really let the reader see this world through young Wolfe's eyes.

All in all, these were pretty good and you should definitely expand on them.
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley




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momentarily stopped bouncing

"Why(comma) Wolfe, I do

Wolf, Cole, and Crispin: these names really don't make sense together. Cole and Crispin I can see working, but Wolf is so completely different, I'm left wondering what the naming conventions of this place are, and why Wolf was named so differently from his siblings.

No, he decided. I won’t ruin this for her. She needs this.

I find it highly unlike that a four-year-old would think like that. Something more along the lines of "Mom is happy. I want to keep her happy" makes more sense.

Overall, these weren't bad. You've got me curious about the queen, which was good. If you do write anything more about her, I'd be interested in reading it.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
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Thank you both for the reviews! As you both pointed out, Wolfe is definitely too young to be thinking something like that. Thanks, I don't have any siblings and don't find myself around little kids very often so I really appreciate your corrections. I'm never too sure on how little kids should act and either make them too old or too young. :)

@Kyllorac: Wolfe is the queen's son from a previous marriage. She was widowed; at the time I came up with the idea I had just read The White Queen by Philippa Gregory and so wanted the situation to sort of mirror that of King Edward and Queen Elisabeth. Wolfe's father was a hunter and named Wolfe after his favorite animal.



u can't have villains exist just 2 b villains
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