The Storm

It all started when you left me,
The storm began to churn.
My emotions faded,
As my soul began to burn.
Now as the clouds roll in,
I feel so dry and empty inside,
As the darkness seeps out,
From the places I've tried to hide.
This storm beneath my shell of lies,
Will always burn within me.
It brings about all the dark secrets,
I've kept under lock and key.
The dark side of me is coming out,
And while it seems you might have won;
My heart writhes in pain,
And the storm rages on.

I like how you connect what the narrater is feeling to a storm. It is a good way to explain what the person is feeling. I say this to a lot of people; if you are going to capitalize the first word in the line, do that in every line or don't do it at all. It would look better and more complete that way! I love the poem! Keep writing! PM me if you have anything for me to review!

-KAH

Hello
Yep, you delivered here girl. This is some great stuff. You did a good job at keeping the poem dark and stormy like I expected which is why I am impressed.

It brings about all the dark secrets,
I've kept under lock and key.
The dark side of me is coming out,
and while it seems you might have won;
my heart writhes in pain,
and the storm rages on.

This part right here, I nearly jumped out of my chair. You nailed it over here. It is vengence with style. Good!

Hi

First of all, this is really great! I like it a lot! One thing:

I can almost taste it's tumbling oceans.
now the earthquakes start,
I can feel the explosions.

The first line has too many syllables and is awkward compared to the rest of the poem which flows so smoothly.

This may just be me, but I would definitely prefer it if it weren't bold. I realize that you want it to stand out, but it does that for itself. Making it bold just makes it hard on the readers' eyes.

I really liked this:

This storm beneath my shell of lies,
will always burn within me.
It brings about all the dark secrets,
I've kept under lock and key.
The dark side of me is coming out,
and while it seems you might have won;
my heart writhes in pain,
and the storm rages on.

I love the shell of lives. Nice and dark and classy!

Great job with this!
Sarebear

Thanks everyone, for the great advice! I edited it, and I hope you find this version a little better? I know I did. You're the best.