I sat up with a jolt. Thunder booms in the distance and flashes of light poured through the window. I glance over at my alarm clock, four twenty-three. I lay my head back on the pillow but it’s no use, I’m awake. I flip on the lamp and pull my notebook from inside my pillowcase. Inside is every note Abby, Sara, and I passed that I could find. I read a few of the more recent ones, which are still over a year old at the earliest.
I dove into the back of the note book, rushing through every page. When I turned to the back page something fell out. A thick piece of paper, like an award or something, that looked like a kindergardner attacked it with a sharpie. It was clearly a birth cirtificate, but the name was marked out, along with the date and signatures. I examine it, hold it to the light, try to unscramble the names underneath the thick layer of black ink. It’s no use, whoever wrote all over it was smart, they painted the back too. The alarm made me jump, apparently it’s already six-thirty. I stuff the cirtificate back in the book and start getting ready for school.
It was a week before I saw James again. I decided he must not go to my school since I can’t ever find him, and no one knows who he is. But there he was, sitting on the curb a block away from my house. He was stareing straight ahead, leaning on the pole of a stop sign. I walked right past at first to see if he’d notice me. He didn’t even look up so I sat next him and sat in silence for a good five minutes. He broke the silence.
“Sam looking any better?” He said, still stareing into space.
“Yea I gave him a bath yesterday, and he looks like he’s eaten in the last year.” I say proudly. Sam is looking way better, I even got him a twenty pound bag of dry food. But his bath was really me chaseing him around the yard with the hose, coverd in suds, while the leash trailed behind him. James didn’t say any thing for a while, it looked as if he wanted to, but couldn’t find the words.
“What do your parents think about it?” He finds his words.
“They don’t know about him. It’s hard hideing him but…”
“No not Sam,” He cuts me off, “I ment about you. You know, about cutting yourself.” He finally looks up at me. I look back at him. Now my words are lost.
“They don’t know.” Why did he have to know?
“They’ll find out. Parents always find out everything.” He’s stareing into my eyes now. He looks near tears, so am I. “You don’t have to do that ya know.” Why, why, why did he have to know. My face felt like it was on fire, the corners of my eyes started tingling. Why did he have to know? I gazed down at my shoes trying to hind my shame.
“Liz don’t cry,” That did it, as though I was just being defiant. I felt his arm on my shoulder. “It’s ok.” He said. But would it really be ok? I’m not even sure why I’m still crying but I can’t stop. I glance up at James with salty tears still sliding down my face. A single stream glistened on his cheek. I suddenly realize how ridiculous we must look. I laughed, and James grins.
“What about you?” I sniffled, “Do your parents know?” He looked shocked by the question.
“My parents..” He pauses, “No they don’t know.” he rushes.
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Because you knew?”
“No, I was out of town.” His eyes showed that he was hiding something
“So where do you go school?” My voice is a sarcastic one.
“Home school,” He shrugs, and stands up, giving me his hand. I’m smiling now, he knows and doesn’t care. I take his hand and stand up. He holds me close, his lips meet mine, again and again.
“Meet me here tomorrow night.” He says, “I have something I want to show you.”
“Sure,” I say. I know my face must be beaming.
“Seven thirty?” He asks.
“Seven thirty.” I repeat. Our lips give a sulen goodbye, and we go our separate ways.
