Dreams

* Ok so this is a really old poem I have and I decided to edit it so enjoy *


Dreams are gateways for all the evil, the hate, the love, the fear, the explosion of random emotions and unstoppable unpreventable undeniable images in the world to come flooding into your heart while you’re the most vulnerable.

Dreams are that itch you can’t scratch, just out of reach- unattainable. Dreams are illusive mischievous creatures. Invisible, nonexistent, smoke. You can’t grab them, can’t keep them, they’re not yours. Yet; I’m holding on so tightly now, my insides scream so loud. They keep watching, watching me drown. How did it come to this?

The nightmares have no ownership, no authority, over my mind but I have no defense- no golden gate- against them. They come as freely as air through lungs, leaving toxic holes in my mind that fill with webs of fear.

Holes upon endless holes until nothing is left. Empty. Wind flies through my mind as I walk down the hall nonexistent- people looking through me. Wind, wind, wind carrying the dandy line seeds of my heart higher, higher, higher until they float through the holes in my head.

They are free now but people don’t see them, they ignore the silly secrets of my heart that they carry, their feet crush them. I’m broken.

I used to have dreams until the illusion of perfection was pulled from my eyes. Now? Now the nightmares are everywhere. What’s the difference? Nightmares and dreams- they’re both the same, neither is real, neither is to blame. To blame for the pain? To blame for the disappointment? For the hate? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know!

Stop yelling.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Please do shut up it’s quiet time.

The bubbly giggles of girls and flirtatious comments of guys temporarily fill the holes. I feel OK. Nothing is empty, nothing is broken, nothing is missing. Until I get home that is. I ignore it. It’s not there. What? Nothing’s there silly! Well if you must ask I’ll tell you what’s not there! Hurt and betrayal and disappointment and mental disorders and girl on boy promiscuous activity and lies and false smiles.

Those, my friend, are most certainly not there! It’s dark, I’m covered, hidden, shielded, protected.

REPEAT THE WORDS AND IT’S TRUE.

The label on the synthetic-parental-reassurance pills says. They’re defective, they don’t work. I fall asleep hoping for a break and get eaten alive. Knifes, blood, drugs, mind eating teachers, vicious fang-mouthed girls, how is this parallel universe any different from reality? How is reality any different from my dreams? It’s all mixed up, muddled, confused.

I’ve spilled the paint over life’s picture and can’t see anything anymore. Sleeping is prison, pinned to the bed by childish fears. Immobilized, paralyzed, stuck, left to drown while the holes find there way back again. Gnawing, eating, dissolving away my fake shield of laughter and bubble gum and hey-your-kinda-hot.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

I want it to stop. I can feel it. Burning, singeing, erasing my memories of how it feels to be whole. I need it to stop. School won’t except damaged goods. Your friends won’t either.

Get better- they tell me. I’m trying.

Go to sleep honey. I’m dying.

I can’t keep going on this way. My heart beat stumbles as my back bone crumples, I feel is it real? Dreams. Nightmares. It’s all a disguise.

ehmmmmmmm seriously i couldnt read the whole of the poem it too too lenghty, I know for sure when I read those first stanza that you had something serious and interest to write about but right now I can give you a true review cause I couldn't go through the whole poem try to reduce it, even if you want you can make it a sequel. you have to also change your formatting its too lenghty in lines

Well this caught my eye so I decided to look through it, and review. But I honestly think this belongs elsewhere, it's seems to me, it's a short story, not poetry. It's too long, and too wordy to be poetry I think, if you want to keep it poetry, I'd cut it down a bit, but otherwise PM a Mod, and have them move it for you .

Good luck and keep writing!

~Hope

Hiya VioletJune,
So I have come to review your piece.
I will have to agree with Emorykings and BondGirl007. This was extremely lengthy. I was going to quit at first, but then I scrolled down and saw you didn't have a real review so I drudged through the middle and then enjoyed the end. Not because it was the end but because I liked what you said there better.
Alright, So I get that you're being poetic and all, but I had difficulty telling what kind of dreams you were talking about. At first, I assumed nightmare-type dreams, but then it seemed more like aspiration-type dreams, and then it was back to nightmare-type dreams.
So, as I've already half-said, I liked the beginning and the end, but the middle? ehh... not so much. The idea was there, but you went too deep into it and repeated yourself a bit.
Also, you said "dandy line". Did you mean "dandelion"?
You had some "your"/"You're" mistakes. To fix those, just ask yourself if you can replace the word in question with "you are", in which case the proper form is "you're".
Your "poem" has a lot of good emotions, disturbing emotions, but emotions none-the-less.
Keep writing!
Toodles!
~emerley.

Another fine job June.
Great topic to write a poem on and twist and turn it the way you did in this.
Though its still not all that clear to me what the message was you did a great job none the less!
Keep writing and ill keep reading!
-Dawn