~OK, this is a piece that i have been writing for a while. hope you like it, and if you don't, don't be afraid to let me know what you don't like about it! thank you!~
I stared at my fate for maybe an hour trying to decide if it was good or bad. I was pregnant; not something a fifteen-year-old wants to tell their parents; especially when my dad was the priest at the local church. Our town wasn’t very big, so news traveled in less than a day around here.
My stomach did little somersaults, making me nauseous. How could this be? I wondered what my boyfriend would say about it. I stared at my face in the mirror, thinking about it over and over again. My stomach continued to churn while I stared at the pale bathroom walls for another thirty minutes.
Had my life really turned in that direction? A week ago, I’d been like a mother wants her daughter to be—really good grades, face of an angel, as my mom put it, and a voice that sounded like a choir, as my dad put it.
Someone—one of my sisters I assumed—knocked on the bathroom door.
“Hurry up twerp; the awards ceremony is in an hour, and I need to get a shower,” Melanie said. She was the oldest of the three of us. My other sister, Katie, wasn’t as bossy, though she was still rude. Our mom had raised them that way, and gave up on me when she realized I wasn’t like them—wild and obnoxious. She knocked on the door again.
“Almost done,” I said, grabbing my bath-bag and shoving the pregnancy test in it. I unlocked the door and went out. Melanie knocked into me and I dropped my bag. She picked it up and I tried to snatch it from her with no avail. She just laughed and opened it. I saw as she dug through it; her hands froze suddenly, and her face went pale. She pulled out the test and held it in front of her.
“What is this?” she asked. I snatched it back and pulled my bag from her, stuffing it back in there again. “That’s a pregnancy test, El. Why do you need that?” she asked stupidly. I shushed her and took her hand, pulling her into my room. After locking the door, I spoke.
“You have to be quiet. Don’t tell mom and dad, or they’ll kill me!” I whispered. Her eyes were still wide in disbelief as she sat on my bed. I knew someone would react like this. She nodded slowly.
“So when are you going to tell them?” She asked, looking at me. I shrugged and sat next to her. Her eyes strayed down to my stomach. After I convinced her to keep quiet and not tell anyone, I let Melanie go and get ready for her graduation. I was going with her to the party afterwards with my boy friend.
There, I’d tell him I was pregnant. I can’t say it will be easy, but I’ll manage. Melanie rushed to get ready as I rushed to put my clothes in my bag for when it was over, so I could change for the party, and spend the weekend with “my friend”. By my friend, I mean my boyfriend. Jason was the only person I wanted to see or talk to at the moment; I wanted to hug him, and to kiss him one more time. I still couldn’t bring myself to regret getting pregnant.
“Hurry up, or we’ll be late!” my mom called from the base of the stairs. She wore a thin black dress down to her knees, her hair curled and in a bun. Blonde curls fell from that. My dad stood next to her in his normal suit with the white band around the collar of his shirt. He looked as casual as he always did. She hurried us out of the house and into the car. She drove as quickly as she could without speeding.
Ahead, I noticed something in the road. My mom slowed down when we got it. I noticed it looked like a body. I heard my mom gasp. My dad opened his door and got out.
“Charles, what’s going on? Are they alright?” she asked. He knelt down next to what looked like a man, and put his finger on his neck.
“Yes; I’m going to call for an ambulance. Just go ahead to the ceremony, I’ll meet you there,” he said. My mom nodded and continued driving without looking back at him. That was the last time I saw my dad that day.
The ceremony went by slowly, and an awkward interruption didn’t seem to make it go faster. In the middle of the graduation, someone screamed and stood, running out the door. A man, covered in blood with torn clothes and dirty looking, scraggly hair moaned and ran after her. That’s when it all began; people began running and screaming as hundreds of other blood covered people came through the doors, making a high pitched squeal that made me cover my ears.
“What the hell!” Melanie yelled, running over to me. I looked around the room for Katie. She wasn’t anywhere that I could see. I looked back to Melanie, who was about to have a panic attack.
“We have to find Katie,” I said. She nodded and we began looking again. There was a high pitch scream that was louder than the rest of the screams; Katie. I looked to where the scream was coming from. Sure enough, Katie was crouched in a corner, one of the blood covered things standing over her. Melanie ran up behind it and began beating it with a pole from the bleachers. When she was done, her face was covered in blood, and her clothes were spattered with it.
“What…the hell…was that?” Melanie asked between breathes. I looked at Katie. She didn’t look to be scathed.
“It looked sort of like…” I hesitated, not sure if they would think me crazy for saying it.
“Zombie,” Melanie finished. I nodded and looked back to the crowd of people screaming behind us. “We have to hide so they don’t find us.” Katie agreed by shaking her head rapidly, eyes wide; she was scared, and I could tell.
“The van; we can take that, and we’ll drive down to the hunting range and get guns, then we can hide in one of the deer stands until it gets dark,” I suggested. Melanie nodded. We ran around the crowd to the exit, and into the street. We ran to where Mom had parked the car, and got in. Melanie realized it before we did.
“The keys; Mom still has them! We have to find Mom,” she said frantically. There was a bang on the widow next to her and she turned to see Mom. She was bloody and her clothes were torn like the others. She was bleeding from her neck. The keys were in the purse that she swung at the car.
The sight took my breath away, and my stomach turned like it had earlier. So my mother was dead? But how could that be? Melanie opened the door quickly so she could hit what used to be our mom in the face. She picked up the purse and closed the door locking all of them. She pulled out the keys and started the car.
We drove down the interstate and through town. They were everywhere I looked. Blood and dead bodies covered streets, and filled ditches. And, as if that wasn’t enough, there were bodies hanging from trees, and on telephone poles. I looked over at Katie, and I wondered how she and Melanie were taking this. Katie had her eyes glued on the view outside. She had been really close to mom, so she was probably taking this really hard.
Once at the hunting range, Melanie parked in the bushes so that getting back in would be easier. We all got out and headed to the office. The place was deserted; no one in sight. The gun case was locked, so Katie grabbed a chair and hit the glass with it, and it shattered into a million little pieces. After we were equipped with maybe two guns and a knife each, we headed out to the dark forest just outside the back door. We hoped they wouldn’t look there.
Silence; that was all there was in the forest. The trees were dense and the animals were hiding. The walk was long and, again, silent. None of us talked, whether it was fear of being heard, or we were just so torn because of our mom’s death. Either way, we kept quiet as we walked through the bushes and underbrush. About three miles in, we came upon a deer stand. It was barely noticeable, because it was high in the trees. We climbed the ladder one at a time; Melanie first, then Katie, then me. There, in the tiny space high in the trees, we waited for the sun to set.
I'll cover the parts I didn't really like later in the review, but I'm going to tell you now that this could be a great survival horror novel. I'm going to separate this review into four different sections: Plot, flow, characters, and dialogue. 
Description! It is never a good idea to write like a list. By this I mean, "We got in the car and went to the post office. After we went to the post office we got in the car and drove into the woods." Describe to the readers what is going on. What are the characters feeling as they are driving away from a zombie infested area? Are they hurt? Are they sad for the loss of their loved ones? I'm getting none of that. Describe to us and the readers with much appreciate it. 
For example, when the MC is using the pregnancy test, what is it that she is physically experiencing? Is her stomach doing somersaults? Is there a cold sweat on her skin, making her clothes stick uncomfortably? Or maybe she just can't stop staring at a big hairball in the bathroom corner! It doesn't matter, as long as you portray some kind of emotion that the reader can detect. I think you will do fine in that aspect. 
