Diary of a Heartbreak

Yeah, I know it sounds poshy x.x But I just felt like doing some short thing to get some things out of me.

Diary of Heartbreak
Day One
I hate it when I walk down the street and the smallest thing ticks me off. All these – these despiteful feelings make me want to hit something. Why should I be weak now? I have fallen to them, these emotions. You made me fall off of my high horse. I was strong, and therefore never broken. And now… now, you scattered me. For what, I wonder? Good memories that make my insides weight and my lungs tighten? Well, thank you very much then.

And what I hate the most is that I can hate all these feelings and even myself - I can despite myself - but I cannot bring myself to blame you. For the first time ever, I feel so awful that it makes my eyes swell with tears. It’s not just the weight of it all on my chest, it’s what I lost. How, I have yet to discover, I guess I shall never know. I lost my precious friendship, I lost your smiles, and I lost my smile. I think it’s hidden somewhere under all this hatred, but I can’t find it.

I’m going to get over it, I know. But time seems to pass by so slowly, and that time, the time which I’ll have forgotten and be all good and new again, seems so far away. Sometimes, I wish I could bring myself to hate you. It would all be so much easier, I could get caught up in anger and not sorrow, and I could be living rather than sulking. But I guess it’s natural, now isn’t it?

Perhaps that’s why I’m writing this. I know it sounds ridiculous, I have as much sense as to that, but hey, if it gets these things out of my chest, I say why not? I wish it would take these feelings away too. Words define them as sorrow, sadness, and whatever not. But what I feel is hollow, emptiness, black inside of me. As if something really important was missing. I refuse to believe that that is you, I cannot sink any deeper. I will not, and I repeat, will not admit anything like that. You guessed it, I believe. Maybe that’s what made you leave? Yet, I may wonder but will not accept it. Accepting that these feelings maybe more would be too much to handle.

Now, I must leave. Go and put on my act, as you used to say. Get into the Channel boots and rock my way down the cheerleader’s hall.

Goodbye.

Hey there!! Irish here!

Wow, this is...sad. I totally understand that feeling and I still get that feeling sometimes. (I broke up with my first boyfriend 7 months ago xP)

Is this based off of actual feelings? If so, let me say I'm really sorry I really hope you feel better.

So, I couldn't find anything wrong with this. No spelling errors or grammar issues.

Keep up the awesome work!

- Irish

Allo la Chatte!

I can despite myself

I believe you mean "despise".

This flows, and there is a lovely detachedness from the emotions within the words. There's a subtle pain here, where the prose leads towards the hope of a breakup that's buried in heartache.

Your beginning and end, I find, are your weakest. Your beginning introduces concepts such as strength and your past, but you never really finish them or follow up on them. It also introduces the concept of being set off by just about anything, yet there are no examples.

At the end, that's where you introduce personal concepts such as "because I believe" and we're left wondering what, exactly, you believe in. You're also given the context of clothes and what the MC does in her free time, again, with no context.

This dredged up something in me, resonating with buried hurt. Yes, it doesn't have much of a story behind it, and it reads like a coherent diary entry that has no context, and there isn't really a story structure to the post. But I'm finding myself overlooking all of that for how much I can understand this.

Yes, I'm admitting to bias, and I should probably attempt to give this some unbiased review. But I find this lovely in a heart-wrenching way, mostly because I can fill in the blanks from my own past.

PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey