Just another life

Just another life

At the beginning I was born
and as the time passed i was torn

Ripped appart to small pieces
infected by thousand deceases

And i was experiencing every feeling
and i cant say i found any particullary appealing

I felt hunger, like a sucking hole
threatening to erase my soul

I felt this dry thing in my throat, thirst
and i couldnt still it, I was cursed

I felt anger, this rage that hated
and that thought happiness was overrated

I felt sadness, hoplessness that never ended
and it wouldnt go away even though i turned and bended

I felt physical pain, a threat against my life
a punch in my stomach, a shot in my head, a cut with a knife

But it was the pscychic pain that i couldn't take
and it was what finally made me break

I was born and torn
ripped and zipped
felt pain, got insane
and that was my bane

But then come the feeling that didnt hurt me
They called it love, it healed, and i no longer wanted to flee

So iamgine when i was torn again, as never before
no marks on my skin, but my heart were sore

I was loosing all hope i had held on to
and everything slipped away with you

You took that heart, that originally was mine
i was crying inside, but said i was fine
I thought love was the feeling that kept you sane
but more of all it was what drove you insane

Makes you believe that even though there is pain
there are things that keeps you sane
You made me think love was for real
Love was the feeling, i thought i did feel

But it was just another lie, another pain
Took my heart, made me bleed in vain

My life, just another life
another heart taken
another cut with the knife
that is called love, and i'ts forsaken

In the beginning i was born
in between I was torn
in the end I was dying
as the world continued lying

And it was just another life

Oki, so this is the first thing i post on here, what do you think?
Tzz, next try... better?

First of all I'd like to welcome you to YWS community =)

Now I'd get to the reviewing. I liked the stanzas of two verses you used, they rhymed well and they told the story well for my eyes and ears. However, that one big stanza of yours messed it all up for me. The four verse stanzas are more endurable but the big one seriously bugged me. Especially with the enormous kick of words without any punctuation. I lost the rhythm, the flow, had to reread and didn't feel like reading it whole as my eyes noticed how stuck together it is. Next I noticed you had some type mistakes. Try rereading your own work before posting next time ^^ Helps.

The story you told is a good one even that I've seen many of those. But heh, as it says, everybody's got an unique style when written with heart.
As I said, the main disadvantages of the poem are punctuation, structure and about it. Let me know if you make any changes =)
Good luck and keep writing!

Mmh, yes... i always do writing mistakes.. i will look it over! x)
Thanxx for replying though! And i will try change the long thing bit too.. but i always use to pull in some long thing where i dont think just write xDD

it was a cool poem you wrote there. that just needs little touches, first of all in your first three stanza there was no any form of puntuation. again in stanza 3 the use of and twice made me felt like i was reading a prose, " particullary" is spelled "particularly". and again the sharp within the poem assuming that love would bring an end to whatever was plauqing and then it turn out to be a failure too i enjoyed. by the way i didn't see bended in my dictionary