Vampire House

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Rob and Nathan stood on the sidewalk, looking up at the old hotel. It seemed somewhat reminiscent of a decaying body, with the skeletal framework showing through in the places where some of the boards on the outside had fallen away. One of the two gables had completely collapsed, leaving the unnerving impression that one of the hotel’s eyes had been gouged out. On the whole, it was quite a distinct and unwholesome appearance.

“When do you think the last time was that someone was in there?” Nathan asked Rob, his hands in his jacket pockets and his hood up over his head.

Rob shrugged his shoulders and scratched at his nose. “Dunno. Didn’t know anyone had ever been in it.”

“Well of course someone’s been in it,” Nathan said, looking at Rob as though the other boy had suggested that 2+2 did not in fact equal 4. “It’s not always been Vampire Home.”

“I knew that, stupid,” Rob shot back, somewhat miffed that Nathan had suspected he was really so dumb. “What I meant was, I didn’t think anyone went inside it at all now.”

“They don’t, usually.” Nathan admitted.

“Well, who did?”

Nathan looked over at Rob with a funny look. “Whatcha mean?”

“You’re saying this so’s you can tell me about someone you know who went in there,” Rob said. “Don’t try to say you ain’t.”

Nathan shrugged at this. “Maybe I am. What does it matter?”

Rob rolled his eyes at the crypticness of his friend. Nathan was often like this, holding back to try to make things seem more dramatic or important than they really were. “Might as well tell it. You know you will anyway.”

Nathan was quiet for a moment or two. “It was my brother and his friend. They went in it back when you and me was still in kindergarten.”

“Who was the friend?” Rob asked.

“Trent, I think,” Nathan said. “Trent Matthews.”

Rob thought about this for a moment. “Who was he?”

“My brother’s friend,” Nathan said. “You wouldn’t know him, his family don’t live here anymore.”

Rob nodded. “All right. Well, what happened?”

“I’m getting there. You keep rushing me, but I’ll get there. Brother only told me about this about a year or two ago, when I said something about going into the house myself. Sat me down and said not to. Asked him why. He got this real funny look on his face. Then he told me.

“Said that he and Trent were out with some other friends one night. They’d all gotten some beer from someone and got kinda drunk. They came up to the house and all started daring each other to go inside, you know?”

Rob nodded to indicate that he understood what Nathan was talking about.

Nathan nodded. “So’s they decided they were gonna send in my brother and Trent, cause they didn’t have quite as much to drink and could handle themselves a bit better. Said they was gonna send them in and have them look around, see if the stories was true.

“Well, my brother said he wasn’t too scared when they started up to the front door. Though he said he shoulda been. Trent was plenty scared though, so he said. But, neither one of them could really pull out. I mean, it’s just an old hotel, right? No need to be all spooked about an old hotel.

“The two of them went up to the front door and opened it. Brother said that it wasn’t even locked. Said that should have clued him in. But he was saying a lot of things. Got all... I don’t know... scared.”

“He went to the war though,” Rob said. “I thought he didn’t get scared too easily.”

“Just cause you’re in a war don’t mean you don’t get scared,” Nathan said. “But, you would think some old house wouldn’t scare him after all that. It did though. He kinda shook when he told me about it. He started drinking after he was done, too. Usually he don’t drink in the house. He did this time though.”

Rob nodded. “Go on.”

“So the two of them went inside. They started poking around, trying to stir up something or other. Brother said that it was like you would expect in there, like how old abandoned buildings usually are on the television or something. Said that it was real spooky even without all the stories factored in.”

“So they made their way to the back of the place, my brother and Trent. Brother said that after a while, he couldn’t hear the voices of everyone outside. That’s how far into the place they went. And he said Trent noticed it a lot. Got real shook up about it. But neither one of them turned back. They was too far in.

“Right about that time, my brother said he started to notice something really odd. There was a lot of spider webs in the place. Like, a ton. And they wasn’t the regular kind you’d expect, cobwebs or something. No, he said these was regular spiders webs. But he didn’t think that he could see any spiders in them.

“And there was also these oval looking things laying around, all wrapped up in webbing. It took him and Trent a while to even really notice them. On a whim, my brother kicked one. He said that it squirmed, like there was something in it.

“Well, he and Trent jumped back from it at that. But it kept moving and it even started to try to make noise. So, the two of them kinda calmed down and tried to open up the pod thing, see what was inside.

“Brother said it took forever for them to tear it open. Said it was just about the strongest thing he’d ever come across that wasn’t metal. But he and Trent finally got it open. And, well, this guy popped out. Looked all starved or thirsty or probably both. My brother said he hasn’t forgotten the look on that guy’s face. Desperate and frightened.

“Well, they asked the guy just what was going on there. Guy doesn’t answer for a moment or two. They keep pressing him. He finally said something. ‘Get out. He is coming. Forget what you know. Get out.’”

“Well, they didn’t quite know what to make of that. They could tell that the guy was pretty scared. So they picked him up and tried to carry him out of there. But he fought against them, got out of their grip and crawled back. ‘Leave me! Save yourselves. I am a lost soul, a fly that he has saved for his hungry maw! Leave me!’”

“For a moment, the two of them just stood there. Brother said that he didn’t quite know what to make of the whole situation. Then, all of a sudden, he said these two huge legs came out of nowhere and grabbed the guy. They dragged him back into the shadows, screaming and everything.

“Right about then was when my brother said he started getting really scared. Them legs had been spider’s legs. But they had been way too big for any normal spider. It was like one of them monster spiders, from a movie or something. Brother said that he looked at Trent and the two of them turned and started running back through the place. They’d seen enough.

“They didn’t get far though. Brother said he heard this scuttling noise coming after them. He figured it was this huge spider, so he picked up the pace and just tore along as fast as he could.

“Trent tripped though. Brother didn’t know on what. Said that there weren’t any upturned floorboards or whatnot. He just tripped. So my brother turned around to get him and help him up.

“Said it was too late though. Said that whatever it was had already got him. But he got a good look at it. It wasn’t a spider, or it wasn’t entirely a spider. It was man shaped, and tall, almost seven feet high. Wore this big huge black robe thing, and some weird looking white mask. Coming out of the bottom of its robe were these spider legs. Trent was all caught up in them. This web was coming out of the robe and wrapping around him. My brother said he almost ran to save him. But he saw that mask, and how the eyeholes in the mask seemed to be looking in his direction. And he figured if he didn’t get out of there, he was going to be next. So he kept running.

“Made it out the front door. Said that everyone else was still there. He rushed at them and collapsed on the pavement sobbing. Begged them not to go in. Begged them to get in the cars and go. They did. He said they told him later that they’d never seen a face so pale before, and that it frightened them.

“They never saw Trent again. Never bothered to go look for him. They heard my brother’s story and decided to believe him. But they didn’t want anyone going back in that place. So they said that they’d been fooling around down by the river and Trent had fallen in. The river was swollen, so they were believed. And my brother was sorry about it, or at least he looked the part. Trent’s family moved away not too long after that.

“So my brother finished up the story and he made me promise to never go in that place, or to ever let anyone go in it. Said that the vampire was still in there, probably. He doesn’t even go near this place now. Stays away.”

“How was whatever it was a vampire?” Rob said. “I thought vampires was bats, not spiders.”

“Look, I don’t know,” Nathan replied, sounding a little like he was on edge himself. “Maybe this was a different breed, like maybe how dogs have breeds and vampires have them too. Or maybe vampires ain’t always been like bats in the stories. Vampire bats don’t live over in Transylvannia, you know. They’re in South America. Maybe vampires have always been like this, and at some point somebody got it mixed up.”

“I dunno...” Rob said, sounding a little unsure of all of this.

There was a sudden sound in the abandoned hotel that interrupted the boys’ conversation. They looked over at the place. In the collapsed gable, they thought they saw shadows that flapped in the breeze, and a pallid white spot in the middle of it all.

“Let’s get on, anyway,” Nathan said.

Rob nodded. The two boys ran off down the sidewalk, heading towards more well lit and safer parts of the town, leaving the abandoned hotel as they had found it, a rotting corpse of a building.
Garrus Vakarian is my homeboy.




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Hey. I thought this was a very good, interesting story. It definitely kept me reading. I really liked the style of exposition you chose too - the two kids talking, story within a story - "frame story" I think it's called - kind of thing.

Nathan said, looking at Rob as though the other boy had suggested that 2+2 did not in fact equal 4.


I understand why you didn't write the numbers out, but I still think it looks weird. two plus two did not in fact equal four. I just typed that out for my own benefit, to see how it would look, and I think it looks better. I'd suggest either writing them out or changing the analogy.

“Right about that time, my brother said he started to notice something really odd. There was a lot of spider webs in the place. Like, a ton. And they wasn’t the regular kind you’d expect, cobwebs or something. No, he said these was regular spiders webs. But he didn’t think that he could see any spiders in them.


First they weren't the regular kind, then they were. I think you just messed up typing this; clear this up please.



Great story overall. I like their dialogue, too.




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Hey there Conrad, Tanya here for a review!

Okay, I liked this; it was really interesting. Kept me on the edge of my seat. What I didn't like was the fact that Nathan keeps referring to his brother as 'brother' and doesn't say his name. My sister's name is Susie. I wouldn't go around referring to her as 'sister'. Besides, if Nathan and Rob have actually been friends that long, Rob would already know Nathan's bro's name, you know?

Also, You mention that 'brother' went out drinking with his friends and that on a dare they went into the old hotel. Then you mention he'd been to war. You also say that nathan was in Kindergarden at the time. Well, how old is 'brother' is his younger brother is THAT young, that he was old enough for war but young * and immature* enough to go out on a dare to an old abandoned hotel?

That's it for me; I really enjoyed the flow of this, kept me on the edge of my seat. Keep writing!!

Tanya :D




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It was long and you don't want it to be that long that only makes readers want to skip to the end and see if that's any good. You don't want that. You want others to read your work and say wow this person has a real talent for writing. I really want to read more of their work. When its long they tend not to think that way.



The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler