Don't remind me!

Don’t remind me that I love him.
Let’s keep that between you and me.
But if you ever see him,
Ask him, does he see?

We had a great thing going.
We were perfect for each other.
Even though I don’t deny it,
This shame I try to cover.

I had a surprise that day.
I’d tell him what he knew.
But even though I loved him,
He still bid me a dew.

Now things are how they used to be,
When we were just friends.
It just really sucks that,
I never tied loose ends.

Now they say he’s been set up,
But her name I don’t know.
I wish he wanted me back,
But it’ll never be so.

tha was a great poem I enjoyed reading it your use of words your puntuations and the sense of self pity of the poetic character was great you did a good job with your poem.
Oh by the way i will like to add that the line "Ask him, did he see" got me confuse i really do not know what that meant. And also the line "Even though I don't deny it", i think it will make more sense if it was "Even though I do deny it".
Maybe its just me, but your poem was great.

Hi,

This flows nicely and I love how the simplicity of the pattern contrasts with the speaker's pain.

The last two stanzas are really great. The tone is very powerful and they flow perfectly.

" a dew" should be "adieu."

I'd avoid twisting the syntax to fit the pattern as it makes things sound forced, for example "This shame I try to cover" and I'd also change "Ask him, does he see?" as this is losing meaning in its attempts to fit the rhyme scheme. See what?

Hope this helps,
Jas

Hi,

This flows nicely and I love how the simplicity of the pattern contrasts with the speaker's pain.

The last two stanzas are really great. The tone is very powerful and they flow perfectly.

" a dew" should be "adieu."

I'd avoid twisting the syntax to fit the pattern as it makes things sound forced, for example "This shame I try to cover" and I'd also change "Ask him, does he see?" as this is losing meaning in its attempts to fit the rhyme scheme. See what?

Hope this helps,
Jas