El Golpe

The music,
It carries a beat
Close to
My heart

It moves
My body
Soothes
My soul

Surrounding
The air
In which
I breath

It becomes
Me.
It revives
Me

Hey. I like this poem. It isn't like most poems, but that's what makes it good.

The only thing I have to pick at, is the second line. 'It carries a beat'. I don't think it fits in with the rhyming scheme. But other than that, I have nothing eles to say expect that I really like it.

Thanks

not much to say because much wasn't written. but i did enjoy what I read. only that I dont think that it should be "IN" in this line
"The air
IN which
I breath"
It would sound grammatically correct if it was "FROM WHICH"

Hi!

So, I think my main problem with this poem is that it feels dry and bare. This is because you barely have any imagery or any kind of words that will really help the reader get a sense of what your narrator is going through or the kind of setting she's in.

Right now it feels so bare...it even look bare. What kind of music is playing, and why does it have a profound affect on the narrator? Is it soft or upbeat? What kind of place is she at? Is it dark? Is she alone? Are there a lot of other people there? If you add this good stuff to your poetry, it will increase the quality by tenfold. This is because the readers have to get a sense of where they are and what kind of situation they're dealing with in the poem to really relate to it and feel for the characters. Besides, it's the imagery and description that makes poetry so lovely and memorable.

While you're revising this, I recommend that you take a look at some of the poems in the Poetry Database. Take a look at some of the methods poets used to describe their setting and the focus. How is it accomplished for various scenarios. If you take a look at the Poetry Tutorials section of the knowledge base, there are some good articles to read. Good luck with this! M me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo

Thanks so much for the great information