Killer Mask [0.03]

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“Isabelle!” My mom shrieks. I thrust my canvas book bag over my shoulder before sprinting down the stairs.

Mom is standing in the kitchen in a navy blue business suit. She is holding a porcelain mug and is glaring into it.

“I’m ready.” I mutter as I put a slice of bread into the toaster.

“I have to go now. You’ll have to find your own way to school, sorry.” She rolls her eyes and puts the mug into the sink.

I look out the window. Rain is pouring from the sky.

The toaster lets me know that my toast is ready. I ignore the fattening butter, and the jam and swallow a few bites of toast.

I don’t have time to purge now, so I can’t eat a full slice of toast.

I go into the rain and sprint into the street. Water soaks through my hair and jacket.

By the time I reach school, the late bell had rung. The principal corners me in the hallway. [No Sir, it won’t happen again. So sorry, I was running late.]

He gives me a warning as he twirls his thick moustache.

I sigh and head for my class. Thirty pairs of eyes turn on me as I sit in my seat. The teacher stops her lecturing and turns on me.

“Isabelle, why are you late?” She glares at me through her fluorescent pink glasses.

“Because I had to find my own way to school.” I say.

“Don’t let it happen again."

“No, Mrs.”

The teacher, whose name I have forgotten, rambles about some government policies. I tune out.

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Today, I don’t bother eating anything for lunch. Lily meets me in the cafeteria with her Tupperware container filled with fruit.

“Are you going to eat anything? Want a strawberry?” She stares at me with wide eyes.

“No thanks. I ate a huge breakfast.” I lie, though my stomach is growling trying to get me to eat.

She munches on some strawberries and grapes while I convince myself that I am strong and healthy. What a lie.
Last edited by RedRaven on Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Review [0.03]

Seriously, putting these all into one chapter would be easier to review.

I'm kind of starting to get into the story now. Stories about Emo's are difficult and depressing to read, but I like how Isabelle is honest, I think that's what gives it a charm.

The time frames are confusing me a little. The scenes seem to be jumping back and forth a little fast. Maybe you could give each one a little more purpose, like, in between the speech parts add some of Isabelles thoughts. Mention how she feels about the rain; maybe it rains all the time so she doesn't care, or it suits her mood, or it's just plain discouraging. If you must mention the little things, make them important by using them to create some insight to your character.

On to 04.
We were born to be amazing.



It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
— Mark Twain