the air bag was obese and no one wanted to hug or they will be squashed and then hell lose his balance and fall on them. the air bag was walking along a giant forest all the animals laughed at him. he fell on a pile of turd. then turd slapped him. he was sad so he ran away and fell again. he use to be the air bag of a car but he squashed the car with his weight so the car got angry and told him to jog on. well when did jog he erupted the earth. he met a female air bag she liked him a lot but she kissed him suddenly she turned obese and was floating on the air and fell. the air bag started crying everything never went his way. then afterwards he saw a fast food shop he entered to buy food. he bought the food with a tray then was devastated when the food ran away.
I will not criticize this piece on content, I have no right to. Whatever the subject matter is it is YOUR freedom of expression. I gave this a "Needs Improvement" rating because you simply ignored a lot of set standards for writing. Standards which include capitalization after a period, and using the past tense. You're very creative I'll credit you with that much, but as a literary piece this needs to be revamped to add some interesting appeal.
At the risk of sounding like a jerk, this shouldn't be on the site right now. Before publishing, you need to:
1. Capitalize 2. Punctuate properly 3. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WRITING!
I think you need to go back and take some time on this. It reads poorly and is sloppy. You need to show that you put some effort into this. Right now I'm not so sure. I agree with EliteHusky that this NEEDS IMPROVEMENT.
Sorry to be harsh.
Sarebear
Sorry to be harsh
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a psychologist.
I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though. — Holden Caulfield
