The Secret of Life

FALL A LITTLE, AND YOU'LL FALL A LOT
REST A BIT, AND YOU'LL REST MORE THAN NOT
EAT WHEN YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, AND YOU'LL EAT WITHOUT STOP

IF YOU DONT PRAY WHEN YOU COULD, G-D WILL MAKE YOU PRAY ANOTHER WAY
IF YOU DONT DO ALL YOU CAN, YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR ALWAYS
IF YOU DONT HAVE CONTROL OVER YOURSELF, ALL THAT YOU WORK FOR FLIES AWAY

LET YOURSELF BE YOU, BUT DONT GO AGAINST THE FLOW
PUT IN ALL YOUR EFFORT, SO THAT YOU'LL SHINE, OR AT LEAST GLOW
WORK HARD, FOR WHAT IS LIFE FOR, BUT TO GROW

SO TRY A LITTLE HARDER, AND YOU'LL APPRECIATE HOW THINGS CHANGE
PUSH A LITTLE MORE, AND IN YOURSELF YOU'LL BE OPENING A NEW RANGE
INCREASE YOUR SELF-IMPROVEMENTS AND PERFECTION OF TRAITS
THEN HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE WONT BE SO STANGE

Mod: No all caps in titles and it would be appreciated if you removed the caps from your content.

Hi - Creative!

I don't mean to offend but this poem really..is bad. But that's OK. You're new; you'll get better. First of all, and I know I have no authority, but I just noticed that you have no reviews yet two post, so get some done!

And, welcome to YWS

To the poem -->
This poem really doesn't make sense. Some of the lines completely contradict themselves. I get some parts, but really, for most of the poem I had no idea what you were saying.

This needs a lot of work - PM me for questions or any needed help.

Hey

I sort of understand your 'Secret of Life' but only after reading it several times. However, I think you have some great content that could be better written.

I think if you write the stanzas a little bit differently, that could enhance understanding eg:

If you don't do all you can,
You'll regret it for always.

That pretty much goes for the entire poem. Plus you should also check on the Caps..it's scientifically proven that it's more difficult to read a message in uppercase than one written in lower case. Maybe writing some words in Caps instead of the entire poem?

I wondered if I was going to get an overly philosophical feeling from reading this. Or if might completely miss the point, or try to hammer it home too much.

What I instead was pleasantly surprised to find was the humour in the first stanzas.

Firstly - and I really have to get this off my chest efore I tell you what I liked about the poem - the capitals really bothered me. It seemed like you were shouting, like you were trying to shove whatever message there was down our throats. Poetry is more about achieving impact through being subtle - but if you want to experiment with different forms, that's fine as well. Just remember that the capitals make the narrator sound juvenile and like a foot-stampeding little kid.

FALL A LITTLE, AND YOU'LL FALL A LOT
REST A BIT, AND YOU'LL REST MORE THAN NOT
EAT WHEN YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, AND YOU'LL EAT WITHOUT STOP

The last line I totally agreed with. It was funny, too, which I enjoyed. Using humour to get across a point is so overlooked sometimes in poetry.

The rest of it sounded like something I might read on the back of a bus, a religious education advertising billboard, maybe a fortune cookie or a mass-produced Hallmark card. It sounded shallow since it was trying so hard to sound deep. Weird, I know, but that's just what I got.

Anyway, you'll improve over time!