a once beautiful heart.

Sometimes life hands you things
That you don’t want to hold ,
But they say you must go on, strive forth,
Go into the world and be bold.
What do you do, though, when you can’t keep a smile?
To where do you go when nothing’s worthwhile?
As you lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling,
Wishing at least, to have some type of feeling
Other than this, anything but the black hole
Turning inside you, slicing through soul.
Warm tears don’t even come
To ease the heavy pain ;
They say you’ve used much too many
They are never coming again.
Laying there on the sheets with an empty expression
Avoiding all thoughts of the suicidal depression.
Legs curled into your chest so tight;
Maybe, go away, the pain just might;
Let it burn away and wither apart
Just like what happened
To your once beautiful heart.

I loved reading this. Really, I did. It was awesome! I didn't see any grammatical errors, and I didn't have any issues with it as I often do when reading poetry.

mandeyy wrote:Let it burn away and wither apart

This line reminded me of this inside joke we have at church about burning! I read it and had to stop to laugh. I love when things that I read make me remember stuff especially stuff that makes me laugh. I would explain the joke so you could laugh too, but it's extremely long, and who really has that kind of time? But if you want, the Bible verse it revolves around is John 15:6. I mean, you can go check it out if you are into the Christian stuff.

Anyway, I really liked this poem. I didn't see anything wrong with it, and it had that little line that was personally funny for me. Thanks for the laugh and the nice read! Keep at it!

-Emily

Felt kind of deep and emotional, that's good ^^ The flow of text went good, I had no trouble reading it fluently except : They say you’ve used much too many . I just do not get the point of 'much too many' =S

In terms of imagination I saw a man (brother) sitting next to a girl (his sister) on a bed, writing this down into his notebook as he looks at her face. This poem has a quite good impression, however I can't say it's really perfect or about it. It just lacks something I can't find a word to describe =S Anyway though, it's a nice piece of work and I'd gladly encourage you to write more =) Good luck!

Hello there!

This poem's good and interesting. It's an emotional piece. It had a smooth flow and the idea of this is quite understandable.

Sometimes, life hands you things

You need a comma here to indicate there's a quick pause to separate between "Sometimes" and "life". It would sound awkward if there's none.

Sometimes life hands you things
That you don’t want to hold ,
But they say you must go on, strive forth,
Go into the world and be bold.

These line's were quite catchy to the readers. Also, if I would be more particular on the rhyming part, it's not-so good. When you rhyme, you should at least do all in the poem. Take the words "hold" and "bold" for example, they do rhyme but in "things" and "forth", it doesn't rhyme. There should be at least a pattern so when read aloud, it would be nice to hear it. Even though it's a free verse but if the presence of rhyming is visible then rhyming should be taken place int the whole piece. I'm not only talking about the first four lines, I'm talking about the whole poem, its structure and pattern. Hope this helps. Overall, aside from the rhyming problem, I must say I like it!

keep up!

Peace out!