Hmmmm...You kept it nice and suspenseful, and, just between you and me, I hope someone dies. I hope It'll be Phoebe. She annoys me. Kill 'er! Keep it up!!
Hey Jackle, I'm back. Um, let me see... This post has a problem that you usually have in other posts of this story. Basically, you're rushing through the story again. And also, it's sort of short.
jackle wrote:There was no answer, so why not take a blade to my wrists?
This makes absolutely no sense at all. You have to make add this and develop this reason as to why Zeda is cutting herself and maybe add how Phoebe noticed it in the first place.
Also, there's no setting in this until she runs to Phil. Which also needs to be developed more. The characters in this chapter just don't seem human enough for the reader to believe it's real and that's what we want them to believe. Of course Zeda doesn't seem like that and I understand that she has to be inhuman right now, but that doesn't mean that Phil needs to be that way too.
Then there's the scene with the phonecall with her mom. It just doesn't seem right that she'd tell her mom that it was Russell and then her mom hangs up. Any sane mother would ask her child then and there what was up and how she knows this and so much more. It's something serious and adults usually tend to become more mature and intruding if I may say when they're handling a situation like this. Do you know what I mean?
The chapter wasn't bad, it just isn't giving us much to contemplate and think about. It's actually a pretty good chapter. I liked your descriptions and the beginnings of the characters' responses to the new information. Hope I helped, Dianne
The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things familiar, and familiar things new. Samuel Johnson
'This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.' — Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
