This is For Them

She stands in the rain
waiting for the bus.
her tears running down her face
and mixing with the puddles
she's running from her past.
She wants to get away
all she wants is to be gone.
Memories flash through her mind
she remembers her mothers gentle laugh
and her fathers lopsided grin.
She smiles bitterly
knowing they would disapprove.
they didn't want to take care of her
and another child.
She doesn't want to hurt them
but she knows this will be for the best.
She wishes she could have said goodbye
and told them why she was going.
She hears the sound of tires
and turns to see a greyhound bus
she smiles sadly because this is her future.
The doors open
and she sees a somber board driver
who doesn't care about her problems.
she silently enters
and turns to give one final look
with her hand on her stomach.
Her parents would never understand
they had enough problems
they didn't need one more.
She walks to her seat
and smiles sadly
and looks out the window and waves goodbye.
This is for them.
She'll be fine
she can take care of herself
and her child.

The poem didn't really attract me until you reached more of a loose style actually saying something rather than describing things. I feel like the repetitiveness of the word Rain in the first stanza also hinders the poem's flow. You may want to do something that would hint more towards that she's pregnant up near the top so that the reader isn't left completely clueless as I was when I read it. If you draw that from the start I think it will support itself better. I also feel that sticking to three line stanzas is a bit too conformed for the sorrow and emotion this poem takes on verses the non-structured lack of punctuation through the poem. If you punctuate the poem I think it will flow better and try in the future to write without committing to the stanzas. I feel like it would fit better with how you string your words.

wow the story line is one commonly used but you truly made it your own in this piece

She stands in the rain
waiting for the bus
her tears mixing with the rain

i don't like how you've used rain twice, it's too repetitive. maybe you could say 'she stands in the downpour' or something like that...

She's running from her past
she wants to get away
all she wants is to be gone

i really liked this stanza
anyway, good job but a lot of the stanzas just started with she which put me off a bit.

Hi,

Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I love the first four lines. You create a very clear image and manage to convey the emotions of the character nicely.

I'd cut "She wants to get away
all she wants is to be gone.
Memories flash through her mind"
because you suggest this in later lines in a more subtle way.

"Mothers" and "Fathers" should be "Mother's" and "Father's" to show possesion. I love "lopsided grin."

I'd cut "She doesn't want...going" and instead try to suggest it through how she acts and the things she thinks about.

I really like the bit when she's boarding and sitting on the bus, your description is very good.

I'd try and suggest the last three lines through an image rather than saying this directly.

The best thing you can do for your poetry is read poetry.

Hope this helps,

Jas