Limericks of the Cullens

EDWARD:

There once was a man named Ed Cullen
Whose life it was all rather sullen
And then he met Bella
Who said "be my fella"
He said "now my leg you are pullin'"

BELLA:

There once was a woman named Bella
Who thought that she was Cinderella
“A princess I be
Even though I’m clumsy”
And then down some stairs she did fell “ahh!”

RENESMEE:

There once was a girl named Renesmee
That then said “Who the heck named me
It was fairly cruel
I get teased at school
Die or have someone restrain me”



Hey! Please, don't get offended. I'm just messing around. This is actually my first try at poetry, nonetheless limericks. Hope it's not too awful. *grimaces*

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

Well, all I can say is a job well done!

Your poems rhyme well, the way a limerick should rhyme, where lines 1,2, and 5 rhyme and 3,4 together =) ! So, good job there!

Your limericks are also funny, which is essential when writing one, especially to people who understand what you mean, because they've read the books, which I'm guessing is most people on this site! So, good job! Your first attempt at poetry, i.e. limericks has been a success .

They're cute, original and funny

Thanks!

And thanks for reviewing!

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

Hahahaha! Good job!
I don't rally feel like critiquing now, by I honestly liked the Renesmee limerick the best. When I read it, I burst out laughing.
Good job,
-Jane

Hey ultraviolet!

These were some really cute poems! I always liked limericks... they're so bouncy and playful. Anyway, Renesmee's limerick was the best by far. The other two limericks started off good, but then the last line was a little lame. Renesmee's was funny all around though.

Thanks for posting!

Hey UV!

Those limericks were meant to be funny, and they were. I love a bit of light humour, with no heavy handed meaning or anything attached, for a short laugh, so thank you.

Just a couple of things, though: Firstly, the rhythm was off in places - it could have been cleaner. This annoyed me while I was reading (only mildly though ), which was a shame, since when the flow got ruined, it had less of a powerful effect and seemed like you were trying to force it out of the lines.

For example:

And then he met Bella
Who said "be my fella"

These lines have perfect rhythm. They even have the same no. of syllables (which helps, but is by no means totally necessary).

Whereas these lines:

There once was a woman named Bella
Who thought that she was Cinderella

The syllables are perfect again, but the rhythm is a wee bit off - the 'that' in the second line stuff it up a bit; but I don't think taking it out would help. Just have a fiddle around with it.

Read the whole poem aloud as a first-timer might to see any ares where things might be smoother.

Okay, and the second thing was this: (it was also a teensy weensy problem too - I enjoyed the poems, really; but just thought to mention this in case you were interested in polishing it a little bit more) - some lines didn't make sense and had to be reread since I stumbled over them. Alright, I'll amend that - of course they made sense; they're just not written in the way we might normally see them, so don't look like they make sense at first glance. This also disrupts the flow.

For example:

He said "now my leg you are pullin'"

Sounds off. I'm pretty sure you can come up with a funnier and cleaner line than this. This one sounded like the order of the words was forced by the rhyme - and I believe it was; so try not to do this too much, since it makes the MEANING of the line be determined by the RHYME - never a good thing in rhyming poetry.

Also:

And then down some stairs she did fell “ahh!”

Yeah, I think Snoinkus Doinkus already pointed out that the last lines could be uncluttered up a bit more, so you know what to do again!

Anyway, lovely reads - and I especially liked the 'be my fella' rhyme and the 'thought she was Cinderella' rhyme, since they were the most original and also rather true.

I quite like these poems and can't really find any problems with them BUT, it is a biggy, I am afraid. Never apologise for anything you ever write! The thing is that if someone is offended by this, they need a life! These are good poems, the rhyming style flows brilliantly and I hope to find more of your work in future!

Thanks everybody for the compliments and advice.

Whether or not you'll see more poetry from me is a mystery. I was just playing around. It could be fun, but any other kind of poetry I've tried has failed. Epically.

Anyways, thanks.

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

Hi ultraviolet,

Wow, is all I can say. These are kind of funny. A few things:

I might rework: "now my leg you are pullin'" Pullin' doesn't really rhyme with Cullen.

In Bella's you mean "And then down some stairs she did [bold]fall[/bold] 'ah!'"


"There once was a girl named Renesmee
That then said “Who the heck named me"

You mean "Who then said." You might work on Renesme and named me as a rhyme.

Nitpicks aside, these are cute and really good!

Sarebear

Hello there!

This is quite a fascinating and a funny poem. I was enjoying reading it from the start till the end. Though, as other have pointed out, words at the end of the lines don't seem to rhyme well.

Even though I’m clumbsy” I think this should be "clumsy". There's no such word as 'Clumbsy' or it is a slang or something?

And then down some stairs she did fell “ahh!” Quite funny

Because of you, I might start liking limericks.

keep writing!

Peace out!

Thanks yuriko. There are some words that are probably totally obvious of how to spell, but totally elude me. Glad you like the poems.

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

Haha! Those were great! My favorite was definitely the third one! The only line that bothered me out of all of them was the second in Edward's limerick. I don't know what it was, I just felt it didn't flow completely well. Other than that, thanks for the laugh!

Hey!

Contrary to what everyone else said I think the end line words are all really good except for "pullin." They capture the characters very well. I Definitely think that you should make limericks for the rest of the vampires. Also they were enjoyable to read.

~Day

Thanks. I'll have to think about doing that. It might be harder to capture Emmett though.... So, maybe.

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

That! Was hilarious! I'm in hysterics right now; my family probably thinks I've lost my marbles. Well done.

I think you should expand this for the rest of the family. I believe Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme could use some fun poked at them, too.

And, if you decide to take my advice please let me know, because I would love to read it.

Thanks for posting and great job!
Carly