Jessica: Protection chapter 4

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As I looked around, Grace spoke to a lean teenage boy. He wore a white jump suit with short sleeves. Over his heart was a badge with writing on it. It said: Ned L.: N17-15.

Grant spoke to me, “I’m going to sit down, I don’t like all this light and we have a day’s ride ahead of us. Just call Ned if you need anything, he’s really nice. Plus he’s been here for 15 years, since he was 2.

Before I could answer, he disappeared into the darkness in the back of the bus. Then Grace popped through the bubble of water as though it were the most normal thing in the world.

“All right, Jessica Cleave! E9-1. I’ll get you a seat with other girls in your form,” rattled Ned.

“What’s a form?” I asked now curious.

Ned grinned as he led me down the aisle. I noticed that about 10 kids were already sitting on the bus. Grace was sitting with two other girls her age, maybe in her form. They were making the water in the bubble they were sitting in spin around them.

“E9-1 is a form. That’s a group of kids who have the same power, the same age and came the same time as you.” Ned interrupted my thoughts. “’E’ is Electricity, 9 is your age, and 1 tells others that this is your first year here.”

“Ok, so I just find someone in my form,” I gulped.

“I’ll help you,” said an older boy, sitting in the front of the Electricity section.

“Thanks, Nick” Ned said, relieved that he didn’t need to help me.

“No prob, bro.” Nick replied.

Nick walked ten steps down the aisle to the last row. There sat another girl my age with the same blond hair and hazel eyes.

“Jessica, Samantha. Samantha, Jessica. Bye!” Nick went back to his seat.

I sat down next to her. We both sat shyly. Then…

“Call me Jess.” “Call me Sam.” “OK.” We said at the same time.

Then Sam and I started to chat, as the bus moved along, picking up other kids.

J J J J J

At about noon Ned passed out everyone’s favorite food for lunch. I got a salad and a cheese pizza. By now Sam and I were laughing and making jokes about the power of Plant, like old friends.

Suddenly Ned stood up and yelled, “We’re taking off, please keep your seatbelts on TIGHT.”

“What does he mean by taking off?” I asked the boy across the aisle.

“Exactly what it sounds like.” He shrugged.

“Hey, Jess,” Sam turned to me. “You said your last name was Cleave, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, my dad told me that twenty years ago a young couple drowned in a lake, but the bodies were never found. Then eleven years ago a baby girl showed up at an orphanage. A year later a boy, then another girl, three years after that the second boy.” Sam started to get excited.

“So what does this have to do with my last name?”

“The couple and the kids all had the same last name, Cleave. It’s like the couple died, but they didn’t,”

“What?! That makes no sense.”

“I know, but the same thing happened with my older brother. All the newspapers said that he died when he fell of a roof, but I was there so I know he didn’t, and he still comes around to visit!”

“Ok that’s weird,” I was so confused.

“I know… Jess, I don’t think your parents are dead.” Sam started to grin.

“Neither do I,” the boy across the aisle interjected, “This school tells the world that you are dead so you can live your life as what a little kid would call a superhero. And you get to choose how you die. But that only happens when you become an apprentice.”

“When is that?” I was so exited that I couldn’t think straight.

“When you are 19.” He said.

“Peter,” he said, holding out his hand.

“Jess. And this is Sam.” I said shaking it.

J J J J J

“Hey, Peter you’ve been to this school before, right?” I looked out the window at the planet I had called home for so long.

“Yeah, going on three years now, why?”

“Well then what does J.A.P. stand for?”

“Jupiter Academy for Powers,” He said knowingly.

“Is it on Jupiter?” Sam started to joke.

“Yeah it is”, Peter grinned at our surprised faces, and “Yeah and our enemy is SAPT, Saturn Academy for Power Training It’s all just so people without powers don’t ever find us. ”

“Whoa! So do we live on Jupiter? How long do we go to school? Then what?” I was already learning so much and we hadn’t even got to JAP yet!

“You can graduate from apprentice any time from 20 years old to 30 years old. It depends on how fast you learn and who your mentor is.” Peter seemed to enjoy our questions.

“My dad told me that there is a difference, at JAP, between a master and a mentor, but he didn’t tell me what it was.” Sam got a question in.

“Oh yeah, there is. A master is a teacher at school for each power. There are normally at least two masters for each power. If the power is a more common one there can be more. Like for our power, Electricity, there is a master for every form. I have Patrick as a master; you’ll probably have Rick, his younger brother. He had a form that graduated last year. They say that he is like a coconut, hard on the outside, but soft in the inside.” Peter joked. “Once you 19 you are apprenticed to a mentor.”

Was he always a walking encyclopedia? Facts, facts, facts. No details at all. If I were talking to him on the phone I would’ve hung up. “Oh, that’s cool,” I said. Then two other questions popped into my head, “How many kids are in one form? Can you learn anything other than how to use your power at school?”

“Yeah you can learn anything you want, but you always have to learn the required subjects like Math and stuff. By the way, Jessica,” His face got red.

“Yeah?” I thought the look on his face was funny.

“Your sister Grace, too beautiful!” Wow, why is he telling me this. I mean, it’s just awkward.
After that Peter stopped acting like an encyclopedia, which was good, but he actually stopped talking to us altogether. So, Sam and I went back to making fun of Plant. Why you ask? Well, because Plant is one of the weakest of the powers. Yes I know that it can kill a regular human by wrapping vines around the neck, but am I a regular human? No, I am not.




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Awesome!

Hey Aliza :D

It needs work. The scenes are a little too jumpy, and there's a lot of speech in here. On the other hand, I'm getting a pretty good feeling of who the characters are, they all seem quite unique.

"I was so excited I couldn't think straight," this seems a little dry. If she's just found out her parents might actually be alive, and have superpowers, well, I'm not sure how she would react, but this line really doesn't give anything at all.

You might want to look out for the info dump habit too. It's not terribly bad in this piece, but there's still one or two places where information has basically been spelled out. Unless the information is revealing or fascinating, it'll bore your reader.

Hope this helps.
-Ten
We were born to be amazing.



Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief