If Not For You

My life is a waste,
I thought to myself one night.
No accomplishments to my name,
No lives saved,
No lives impacted,
By my existence.

I wish just once
I could reach out
And just help somebody,
Where they would remember me.

A voice spoke in my head,
“You have affected many.
However, you are unaware
Of what you did.

“Do you remember the girl last month,
Who did not have enough
Money at the store?
It was only change.
But she remembered,
And will grow up to
Be very generous.

“Do you remember the boy
Who fell off his bike last month?
You helped him clean his knee
And put a band aid on.
It was only a scrape.
But he remembered,
And will grow up to
Be a Doctor.

“Do you remember yesterday,
At the library where you helped
A teen find something to read?
It was only a book.
But he remembered,
And will grow up to
Be a famous author.

“You see,” said the Lord God.
“Your life is not a waste.
You have touched many people.
They will not be
What they are in the future
If not for you.”

Hi, Write!

So, I think I quite liked this poem. I can definitely relate to it and how the main character feels a lot. This has touched me on a personal level, and now I feel optimistic and warm inside.

One thing I think I think you could do is add more to the beginning. We're given two stanzas of whining, basically. Since not everyone is going to be able to relate to this character, we're going to have to feel sympathy for her. When I was reading over the first couple of stanzas, I was thinking, "well, why doesn't she get out and do something?". Then I read the next part and I was like 'oh'.

So, yeah, when you try to revise this, you could maybe mention something about how she thinks she's being helpful but no one ever seems to credit her, because I bet if she did all of that she'd at least be aware of it consciously. Another good thing to mention would maybe be the fact that she feels overshadowed by other people who get a lot of credit for their work?

Overall, I really liked it. It had a cute message to it which was conveyed well. You didn't shove it at us, and it wasn't so subtle that we wouldn't understand what we were talking about.

So yeah, when you're revising this, just work on character, and sympathy. Show us what the character is going through so we can relate to her and understand what she's going through. Hope this helped! Good luck revising, and PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo

Hai there!

This is so cute!

Though, something irritates me about it. Maybe it's the obviousness of it. Everything is all planned out. Instead of saying specific jobs, can't you do what you did for the change girl? Just say an attribute or a part of their personality that is impacted. Saying that they will become a doctor couldn't turn out to be a good thing, you know? I think I would take a lot more out of this poem if it was less specific.

Seriously, this was such a pleasure to read. One of my biggest fears is leaving this world without impacting some one's life or making someone improve. I even wrote a story on it! So thank you for writing something I can relate to in a beautiful poem.

Classy