I Bear My Soul In This

I bleed my thoughts onto these lines.
My heart into these words.

My life has plunged into the darkest
depths of the abyss.

My heart no longer
knows true happiness.
I bear my soul to you who read this.
The judges of what I am.

A monster for no longer feeling love?
A beast who no longer feels any emotion?

I beg you to see past my facade.
My mask that projects happiness.

To see this broken soul,
disfigured,
beaten beyond recognition.

Please help this creature.
Transcend its existence
back to that of normalcy.

Hai there!

This was a wonderful poem. It has everything a person can relate to: love, hiding their true self, feeling ashamed. It's a wonderful poem and a pleasure to read.

The only negative thing about it is the flow. It and the syllables and the stanza lengths are so random it's hard to read because I'm too busy focusing on how this could be better organized. I can see how you are trying to fit everything together, but the way it is now make the poem seem a little choppy. Maybe the lines longer, complex and compound sentences so that they aren't all the same sentence structure.

Keep writing!

Classy

Hey Dante!

Maybe this is just me, but I would like to read less about how you're bearing your soul to us and more bared soul... if that makes sense. I feel like most of the poem is trying to persuade us hat you are being sincere. But I would rather you just plunge into the depth of the torment and the masks and just address the subject directly, without excuses. And I think you'll find that you don't have to persuade us that you're being honest... we'll believe it.

Good luck!

I agree with Snoink on this one, I'd like to see a little more why, and less because. But I rather liked it and enjoyed reading it, just one quick thing

My heart no longer knows true happiness.I bear my soul to you who read this.The judges of what I am.

Good luck and keep writing!

~Hope

Thanks for the comments. This actually for a three part series I wrote. I forgot to mention that in my entry. This is the first of three poems i wrote about this subject, It is supposed to be somewhat superficial.

This is rather an emotional poem, and definietly well written! I must say, I was captivated within, actually the first word. My eyes were glued and I couldn't take them away.

You really do have a talent for this type of stuff. The comments about say mostly anything I can really comment on so I'm just dropping by to commend you! This is really good work and I cannot wait for another installment.

What throws me though, is that the right 'bear' in the title. When ever I read it I get a big grizzily. Maybe it is? I am never sure with words that sound the exact same yet are used in two very different contexts!

Oh, I'm puffycherry but you can call me Chrissie! I don't know why I am saying that now, though, I am.

No it is bear as in i give you my soul in its entirety. I give you a glimpse into my mind. That sort of stuff.

Oh okay. Told ya' I was shifty with the words with the same sounds and such yet mean something completely different!

Yes though a grizzly image sounds awesome!