Infatuation

A poem I wrote in my journal a couple weeks ago. I wasn't quite sure to post this or not, since I honestly don't know if it's my best work, but I would like to thank you all for reading. Enjoy!

I'm not the only one who feels this way,
but I have to say that through it all,
when I first saw you on screen that day,
it didn't take long for me to fall.

I know you don't know who I am,
but there's one thing I know that's true,
the moment I saw you - damn,
I fell a little bit in love with you.

I know that this feeling is unsensible,
because millions of girls feel this too,
my emotions are incomprehensible,
but your eyes are the shiniest, most beautiful blue.

Our worlds are different, very diverse,
you walk red carpets and wear designer clothes,
I go to school, which feels like a curse,
that makes me wonder if my pain really shows.

I hope you remember as you look into the crowd,
you think of a girl sitting home alone,
she waits to hear your acceptance speech aloud,
and she dreams about you calling her on the phone.

Some poeple may try to call her obsessed,
but she only dreams of one thing,
I know that when I was that girl, you were my quest,
because when I saw you it made my heart sing.

I know that loving you is hurting me,
so this, I guess, is my last goodbye,
you're what I still hope in my dreams that I'll see,
you made me laugh, smile, cry.

I guess I know that in my heart, this was only a silly crush,
even if you meet me, I highly doubt you'd call,
so I'm saying this one last time before I turn to mush,
I love you Superstar, but after this infatuation, my love for you is small.

I'm not that good at reviewing poetry or anything lyrical for that matter, but I'll give it my best shot.

I found that this was rather good, smooth and flowing. I was trying to picture a perfect melody for it, and would always come up with the same soft singing tune. On the reviewing behalf I haven't much to say (because I don't know jack about poetry), but as my own opinion; this is very good.

Keep up the good work,
Kudos Apple.

I enjoyed this poem because it not only explained the infatuation in a way that made it seem reasonable, but it also was a last stand at the end rather than all the way through. I find that if the end has more of the goodbye than the beginning a poem will flow better and the writer can cut the emotions better into the piece.

One thing I didn't like about this piece as a personal thing rather than a critics remark is that the poem itself was rather structured and for something as frantic and rampant as infatuation I like to see more of a loose chaotic structure. Also I feel that the rhymes were distracting because you stop and go "Oh, hey, she rhymed that!" rather than just reading the poem through. All the same it is a style and some poems just flow that way. This one, the rhymes seemed a little pushed so perhaps you should try in the future to not use rhymes at all and just explore yourself rather than structuring it.

Hello there!

Your poem's interesting. It's understandable and easy-to-read type. You rhymed it well. It had a good flow from the beginning till the last stanza.

I know that loving you is hurting me,
so this, I guess, is my last goodbye,
you're what I still hope in my dreams that I'll see,
you made me laugh, smile, cry.

This line's fine but as prior with your title "Infatuation", you made the narrator to be really falling in love rather than a plain crush or something.

Anyway, I like this poem. If I'm correct, the narrator is talking about a celebrity, isn't it?

Keep writing!

peace out!

Hi!
First off, I like your poem. You have great ideas and you really seem to put yourself out there, which is what lyric poetry is all about.
That being said, structurally, I think that you could make your poem even stronger by cutting back on the words. If you can say the same things with half as many words, I think that your poem would be able to get its point across even better. For example, you say,

I know you don't know who I am,
but there's one thing I know that's true,
the moment I saw you - damn,
I fell a little bit in love with you.

If I were to change this around a little, I would keep the first line the same, but the second line could be shortened to something along the lines of "but there's one thing that's true," or "but I know one thing that's true." Also, in the last line, if you cut out "a little bit," that would primarily serve to clean up the meter, but it would also put your main point out there without anything getting in its way.
Basically, I love what you're doing, but if you clean up the meter so that it reads a bit more smoothly, I think that it would be even better.