Time to move on

Today's the day I start my life
All over again once more.
Today I find a better cause
That's more worth fighting for.
-
Today's the day I give up love, 
It was never really true.
Tomorrow I'll search once again
Hoping I will find you.
-
Today's the day I need to rest
And soothe my troubled mind,
Because yesterday decided
I'd leave my past behind.

 

Hey. This is a very good poem. Normally, when I review or leave comments, I leave a bit of criticism, but I don't think there is anything to criticize.

What I do like is how you made it rhyme, and also kept it starting with 'today'. Good jib. Keep writing.

I like the poem, but one point is repetitive, the second line i think. Its one of them, but you re-state the thing twice in the same line. I like the message, and the structure.

13timmy24 wrote:Today's the day I start my life
All over again once more.
Today I find a better cause
That's more worth fighting for.
-
Today's the day I give up love, 
It was never really true.
Tomorrow I'll search once again
Hoping I will find you. [b]This is very contradicting so I really don't know what to make of it.

-
Today's the day I need to rest
And soothe my troubled mind,
Because yesterday [b]I/b] decided
I'd leave my past behind.

 

Besides that I really liked it. I liked the rhyme in it.

Keep Writing

-Flower-

Hi!

I'm not going to lie; I really, really liked this poem. I think that it had a nice flow to it, and the rhythm is extremely catchy. Your simple, almost lack of imagery complimented the style of the poem perfectly. You didn't make it over-bulky or anything more then it needed to be.

My only main problem with the poem was that it seemed a little too vague. Exactly why is your narrator leaving behind love? Did something traumatic happen to him? I understand that you may want to leave it up to our imaginations, but we'll able to sympathize more with your narrator if we get a little insight into his back story, as well as appreciate his courage for moving on.

When you revise this, just think about one thing. Do you want to connect with your readers, and tap into parts of their lives which they'll probably be able to relate to? Good luck revising this, and do PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo