lips to my pain

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The slit of a knife,

the cold-tiled floor,

My head jerked towards you as you opened the door,

Eyes open wide,

Your jaw was slack,

How I wished I could make time turn back,

So you wouldn't have to find out this way,

You turned for the door,

but I wanted you to stay.

As if reading my thoughts,

your hand on the knob,

You retreated toward me,

To do your job.

Tenderly, you turned over my wrist,

My heart fluttered,

As you gently kissed,

The crisscrossed scars tattooed on my skin,

Your lips to my pain, our journey begins.
Last edited by elfwriter97 on Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I don't have ADD, I just- SQUIRREL!!!




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:) RHYMES!!!! :)

This was sweet. Good work Elfy!!!

-Cressy
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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This was exquisite! Beautiful! Magnificent! The rhythm flowed so well, and this just took my breath away completely. Just a few, if any, mistakes and comments I have.
♥ You didn't capitalize your I's.
♥ To me, it would look better if the words were posted like this:
The slit of a knife
The cold-tiled floor
My head jerked towards you
As you opened the door
♥☺ Well, i'm not sure myself about punctuations in poems so I'm in no way eligible to put punctuation in the above comment. Sorry. I'm sure someone more experienced with poems could tell you.

Well, other than those two things, I see no more. Goodbye and, once again, this was spectacular.
LoVeLeSs I review short stories and novels.

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:shock:

Well I'm officially sad! And I was having such a good day too! :cry:

I guess that is what you were looking for though...
If there is one thing in the world I CAN'T stand it is the Redwings.




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I really like this. I love poetry that rhymes, and you don't really see it much, and if you do it's not good. That said yours was amazing! I gave details of what happened, and what would happen in the future is left a mystery. I know how this feels so I can relate. Keep up the good work, pm me if you write anymore.


-Flower-
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





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I liked it, but to some it might be construed as superficial, only doing that to get attention. But i guess thats only an artificial message. It was very good though.
-Dante93




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Good work my elf! (:
I like how it flows evenly.
Its not like mine where I have a diffucult
time rhyming and such. Its beautiful!

Love always,
Kat. =^..^=



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