I'm Gone

Hey Matthew! In this poem, you are exploring an age-old concept - and, while this is perfectly acceptable, I'd recommend doing it in a more creative way than the literal statements that make up the majority of your poem. For example, saying 'it's always my fault' was not terribly enticing as a first line - maybe if you'd started off by narrating an incident and sort of subtly suggested that your fault was implied.

However, I definitely enjoyed this piece as lyrics and I think you should maybe throw it in the lyrics section as well, to see what people think of it there. For some reason, I had the Michael Buble song of 'Just Haven't Met You Yet' stuck in my head as I was reading this and the tune seemed to fit really well - kind of upbeat and happy-go-lucky,and thus it lightened up an otherwise deep and dreary theme.

Hi! I think you definitely have a knack for poetry, and I'm not going to comment so much on the content and meaning, as I will on the rhyme and the grammar. There are several components that make up a good poem, and these are very, very important.

Matthew wrote:It’s always my fault,
That’s what you thought,
Except I always got caught.

Syllables: 5, 4, and 7. Read this aloud and see if the lines match up, and the rhyme sounds alright. Not-exact rhyming is all well and good ("fault" and "thought"), but try your hardest to match up the syllables within each line. Like:

It's always my fault,
That was what you thought,
But I always got caught.
[5, 5, 6]

Sometimes just deleting, adding, or changing a single word can make a poem infinitely better. Again: read your work aloud.

Sure it was good; don’t say I’m wrong,
But now I’m not staying, I’m gone.

Sure it was good; don't say I'm wrong,
but now I'm not staying, now,
I'm gone.

Do you see how one word makes a difference?

You say I don’t have the heart to care,
But you’re heart has gone to who knows where.

If you haven’t got anything to lose,
Then why do you still have such a short fuse?

All you do is blow,
And say this was my show;
So by others, I’m told to go.

But this time I’m going to compromise,
And give you no time to analyse.

To you I’m just some entertainment to enjoy,
But now I’m not going to be your trampling toy.

This time I'm gone,
This time… you're wrong.

I just threw the dots in these just because a pause would sound more dramatic, and I thought that was what you were going for, anyway. I hope I helped!