Leuce

Hi! I'm here to review.

Well first off, I'm glad you did a sonnet. I myself am learning how to write one in my English class, and this is great practice for me. I like your use of formal words, especially ones like "pulchritude" (though, admittedly, I had to look it up to find out what it meant ). There is one thing I'm not sure about, though, and that is "leuce". I had to look that one up as well, but it doesn't exist. Would you mind clarifying that for me? xD

Oh! And a great stencil to use when practicing iambic pentameter or the sonnet is Shakespeare's Prologue to Romeo and Juliet:

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Hope I could help a little! Keep it up.

-Knightley

ryanke07 wrote:Hey,

This is my second poem. It's really just an exercise out of a book I'm reading, but I thought I'd post it anyway. It's a narrative in a sonnet rhyme scheme, but I didn't worry about iambics yet. I'm planning on writing more sonnets in the future to practice iambic pentameter though. I'd appreciate any input (especially in the punctuation field).

Nature is a sinner, guilty of pride,
And jealous of Leuce, a nymph woodland raised.
Pure as vernal sweets, and honey milk eyed,
Sugared like a peach, she is Flora's praised.
But as the days wane, so does the earth's charm,
Dreading and dying, it plots to inter,
Leuce in its prison, a pulchritude farm,
To preserve its good half, it ruins her.
In brushwood she sleeps through noon, night, and mourn,
Immutable peace, and mocking her foes
She fills the copse with swelling green-eyed scorn,
So lush the verdure of her repose.
And in her life after, from hidden tomb,
She nourishes earth, a child in her womb.

I love the bolded lines. I would suggest taking our the comma after tomb second to last line. I don't know why I feel it isn't needed but it just felt out of place.

Also, GREAT allusion to Leuce. I picked up on it right way. This really fit the style of your piece especially when you included the tomb line.

The one word that really didn't work for me is brushwood. I think you could find a better word. Would you consider replacing sleeps with slumbers (line 9)

great read!

You reviewed my poem (goodbye mardi gras) thank you for your review that you gave me, your advice was really helpful.

I found this write really intriguing, these types of poems always make me think. I love the complex wording, and the mysterious picture you painted. Very deep poem. Keep up the awesome work.