Chapter One
It started the same way it always did. I was brushing my teeth when all of the sudden I looked up to spit—and I couldn’t see. My vision was blurry and the foggy mirror was a complete mash of colors through my line of vision.
Crap,
I sighed and spit into the sink. I closed my eyes hard and opened them again. My sight was back. With a practiced fluidity, I rinsed out my mouth, splashed water onto my heating face, then ran down the hall to my room.
What can I do to stop this? Why does it keep happening?
If only I knew the answers.
“Ayden? I’m going to bed.” Mom called down the hall from her room.
Thank God. I didn’t know what she’d do if she saw what was about to happen.
“Okay mama! I love you. G’night.” I called in a hoarse voice. If she noticed, she didn’t comment.
“Mmhmm, love you.”
I sighed with a little relief as I heard her bedroom door shut. Now only to close my door.
I was slumped on my bed, feeling my vision fog up again—not with tears, it just got really blurry—and concentrated on the sounds around me. I’d lived here long enough that I could review the layout in my head and got up and shut my door.
Silence. Like calm before the storm. It came with a vengeance.
I’m not sure how to describe it, because it’s so…awful, but I can sure as hell try. So heeeeere we go. It rushed over me like an evil wave roaring out of the ocean. It crashed over me and latched on to my skin. The second it caught on, my skin burst into flames—not literally—and I bit my lip so hard it bled, to keep from digging my nails into the flesh and ripping it away. My vision was blurry, but I knew that’d pass and then it would become clearer than ever.
My brain exploded—again not literally—like a thousand shards of glass were being stabbed straight into my mind. Fireworks blew off in my head and I winced as it almost became too much. Soon, it would. It always did.
My melting skin bubbled hotter and hotter as my back began to crackle.
My back was cracking?
“Oh…” I choked off into a horrible moan as my spine stretched up then rippled.
What was happening to me?!?!
My eyes felt like a bee stung them and I knew that if I opened them, my sight would be amazing. But I didn’t open them.
My nails dug into the skin of my palms and I felt blood well up where my nails dug little half moons. My breathing came fast and hard like I was hyperventilating, but worse. The brain explosion going on during this cranked it up a bit. Oh yeah, like that’s what I needed. It sent a million volts of energy into my head and just then I couldn’t take it.
With a choking sob, my convulsing body crumpled into a heap onto my soft bed that felt like needles, and I blacked out.
Well, maybe ‘blacked out’ is the wrong term. I still was aware of what was going on, but it was like viewing it from the bottom of the ocean. I felt the pain and torture, but it was distant. As I wandered in the blackness of my mind, an image popped into view.
It was a white wolf. She was gorgeous, with glowing white fur, light ice blue eyes—like crystal water, and concern clear on her face. I watched her as she watched me, and for what seemed like hours, we just stared at each other with the same pain on our faces.
And as I kept watching, her features seemed to shimmer, like an illusion, and soon she was gone.
I expected what happened next.
It was like…someone grabbed hold of my sanity and pulled me back up gasping for air. Or…suddenly, I was slammed back down into my body. Either description worked fine.
So that happened and I shivered violently for a few seconds then finally I could breathe. I was soaking wet down my face and shirt front, so I must have been crying. My eyes burned a little, but my sight was back to normal. All too fast, I was once again normal.
Normal. Such a simple claim.
I took deep breaths to calm my heart rate and laid back in my bed.
You are okay now, Ayden. Everything is fine. Just pretend that doesn’t happen, and maybe it will be okay. Calm down. Deep breaths. Sleep.
I repeatedly instructed myself to calm down until sometime after midnight, I fell asleep.
“Huh,” I choked, waking up. My dream slipped from my consciousness just as I blinked in the morning light filtering in through my window. Darn. I never remembered.
“Ayden, are you up?” Mom asked from outside my door.
I coughed, “Y-yes, mama. My alarm hasn’t gone off yet. Why?” I looked over at my nightstand. Clock said eight-twenty-seven in the morning. Well, my alarm would have gone off in three minutes anyway.
“Can you fix me lunch? It tastes better when you do it.” She requested quietly.
I smiled. “Sure, sure. No problem.”
“Thanks a bunch honey!” And she was off to finish getting ready for work, at a book store.
I yawned and stretched as I stood up. I felt the heavy weight of the attack last night settle onto my chest and sighed. I could try to forget it, but when I looked down and saw the marks of where my nails had dug in, I knew I couldn’t. It seemed like it would never go away. I had no explanation for what it was, except maybe my body was trying to change. See, since I can remember, I have always wanted to be a wolf. Call me crazy, but it was my dream. And, I felt that dream boil in my blood, especially when the Attack happened. But it was only a theory.
I dressed for school, not paying attention to what I threw on—who really cared?—and quickly brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, pulled it back into my traditional long braid down my back, and washed my face.
My looks, by far, were pretty average. I had dark brown hair with a red tint, green eyes that were sometimes blue, and a pale face with not-to-exciting features, so I see no need to go into detail.
“Mom! Wheat or white bread?” I called from my tiny apartment kitchen. Mom loved it when I made her lunch. So I loved to do it. It was reverse roll.
“Wheat! Gotta lose some weight!” she replied from her room.
“Yeah—and wheat bread’s gonna do that, no problem.” I whispered to myself. Mom wasn’t huge, but she was a little plump. I thought she looked cute.
I, on the other hand, was skinny. Mom always complained I didn’t eat nearly enough, but it was hard when I was just never hungry.
I finished mom’s sandwich—wheat bread, smoked ham, Swiss cheese, and mayo—and slid it into a sandwich baggie, then set it on the top shelf in the fridge.
“Sandwich is on the top.” I told her as I walked back down the narrow hall to grab my backpack from my room.
“Thank you so much, Dee.” She said from her doorway, smiling at me.
“Welcome, mom. Gotta run, love ya.” I grinned, hugged her, then rushed out the front door.
My walk to school took about five minutes. As I was walking, I saw two girls a few yards ahead of me. One stood out tremendously, because she was wearing all black, except her hair, which was a strange white blond color. The other, only had jet black hair that from here I could see reflecting blue. It hung down almost to her waist in waves I was jealous of. Her shirt was a light green and she was wearing jeans with holes everywhere. This much I could see from afar.
A truck roared past me and slowed next to the girls. “Heeey!” One guy from in the truck shouted. They whistled loud and blew kisses at the two girls who both paused to look at them. The one in black flipped them off and the guys drove off.
I chuckled. She had guts. I would’ve been too scared to do anything but ignore them, because they could be like, potential rapists or something. But that was just me.
The girls seemed to be locked into some serious discussion when suddenly the black haired one tripped a little then walked faster. The black clothed one followed her quickly.
I continued to watch them all the way to school, feeling like some stalker, but this was the only way to school from my apartment. So I sped up a little to get a better look at them.
We were in the parking lot, and they were talking again, when some guy with red hair—Jeremy was his name—started to get out of his car and the black haired one—finally I recognized her from my English class, her name was Kara—shoved the other girl and she almost knocked Jeremy off his feet.
“Cute?” I heard Kara shriek, but then the rest of her sentence was too quiet for me to understand.
Now was the time that I veered off the same path as them. They kept going down the hall towards the bathroom, I walked to the right until I was in my first period class, Chemistry. Sound like fun? Nope.
So it was school. You’ve been there. Looooooong and booooooring. Nothing happened until I was in English, which was my easiest class, but also the one class with the most wretched teacher ever born to mankind.
His name was Mr. Landsin. He was a balding man that resembled a vulture and had a crisp voice that clawed at my eardrums unpleasantly.
But it was also the class I sat next to Kara. She’d been here about a month, and made zero friends as far as I could tell. She was different. She gave off an energy that was just, powerful and confident. No one talked to her. I felt bad for her. Suddenly, I wondered if she even ate with anyone at lunch. Maybe that blond girl?
“So! What can you tell me about the last chapter we read? Anyone? No? What a shame.” Mr. Landsin said, tapping the cover of a dusty book he’d just slammed on his desk. His face lit up with a dark grin. Jerk.
I looked around, knowing the answer, but waiting for someone else to answer. I hated talking in front of the class. I never spoke up. But the fact that everyone around me looked clueless—except Kara, who looked like she wanted to throttle Mr. Landsin—infuriated me.
“Jeez! Who cares that we don’t like this book? Doesn’t anyone try and pay attention? Bunch of…” I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I wasn’t speaking up, so I really had no right to be angry. Plus about ten people had turned to glare murder at me.
“Honestly?” a soft voice whispered beside me. It was so low, I had to think for a second if I had really heard it. “No amount of beating will get this bunch to care.”
I turned to my right, and looked right into the eyes of Kara. I smiled. “No,”
She blinked and continued to stare at me. I swallowed under her gaze. Her eyes were dark blue, almost a more blue-ish teal color, and insanely intense. Like she could see right through to your soul by one glance. It was extremely intimidating. Her face was beautiful. She looked almost…animal somehow. But I didn’t see how that fit. How can someone look animal-like?
“That’s great!” Mr. Landsin shouted, the evil on his face brightening. He walked around to the front of his desk and sat down. “No one has any idea what’s going on?”
Kara, beside me, twitched and looked at the guy in front of me. Just then he turned around and growled, “Why don’t you speak up, Miss-know-it-all?” His name was John. He was that jerk guy, that was really ugly—pizza face, crooked yellow teeth, etc.—but thought he was good looking and treated everyone like he was better than them.
Regardless, I was intimidated. “Well…I…um, see, I don’t like talking in front of…people.” But the way he was glaring at me mad my anger flare. I sat up and spit back, “Besides, I don’t I count for the whole class.”
Mr. Landsin cleared his throat. “Miss Pentra is right. She does not count for the entire class. Therefore, how about we reread it, hm? No complaints, it’s your own fault. Teach you all a lesson” He grinned wide and cruel and I felt the terror in the air emanating from everyone in the room.
“Let’s get started. We are on chapter three, reading about how the animals are starting their revolution…” I let his voice fade in and out, not caring if I heard him or not. I already knew what was going on. Maybe if I’d spoken up, we wouldn’t have had to reread it. But, then again, everyone else deserved this for not paying attention the first time. Still I doubted they were paying attention now.
I glanced around at the people around me. Charlie, a blond girl, was texting under her desk. Matt was sneaking bites of a chocolate bar, Jimmy was also texting, Carrie was sleeping, and Nancy was reading a different book behind her bag. And that was just some of the class.
I sighed. I felt that prickley sensation on the back of my neck that someone was looking at me. Following the instinct, I looked over to see Kara just turning to look at me.
Hmmmm. She looked frightened for just a second, jumped a little, then hurriedly looked back down at her desk.
She was so odd. Ever since she first moved here, I’d felt oddly connected to her. Like we should be friends. But I didn’t know how to bring it up. Maybe, after seeing her watch me, I should just go with the flow and talk to her.
Class dragged on after that little excitement and I was totally relieved when the lunch bell rang. The whole class lurched from their seats and sprinted out the door. Something I would’ve done normally, but Kara was packing her bag, and this would be my only opportunity to talk to her.
Uhhhh, oh! Book!
I pulled out one of my favorite books, a book by James Patterson, and shuffled my bag and then tried to restuff the book in. Apparently, it was going to take longer than a few extra seconds. After I completely crumpled the books cover, it settled into a slot on top.
I glanced up to see Kara watching me with fascination. All righty.
“So…” Think! Think! Think! “Who do you eat with?” I asked nervously. I mean, what a stupid opening question! Whatever, she looked kinda relieved I had asked her.
She looked like she was going to say something, then changed her mind.
“Go to lunch.” Mr. Landsin ordered.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Kara look at Mr. Landsin like she was going to rip his head off. Seriously. I quickly rethought my decision to talk to her, but then she answered me.
“My, um, cousin…and friend who moved here with me.”
What?
“Our families travel together. Some weird pact our parents made when they were young.” She added quickly.
Ookkkkaaaaay, I thought. So strange.
But I nodded. I had already suspected she wasn’t alone. She kinda drew you in once you started talking to her.
I lead the way out into the hall of hunger fueled teenagers and said, “So your not alone. I figured.” What else to say? I really wanted her to sit with me. “So your okay? You have someone to eat with?” Uhhh, redundant much Ayden! You already established that. Ugh.
“Nah, not at all. I’m always with someone.” She said solemnly. I looked at her in time to see her eyes flash a weird violet color then return to that scary intense blue. I couldn’t remember if I really saw it, or if I just imagined it.
But…it kinda sounded like she was annoyed. I sighed. “Oh, sorry.”
She blinked at me, surprised, and raised an eyebrow. It looked like a practiced skill. “Sorry?”
How to answer? I went with what came to mind. “Well…I just know you’ve been here…what? A few weeks? I guess it’s kinda late, but I just didn’t want you to eat alone. I can’t imagine being new at this place” That surprised me. I hadn’t expected to admit that much. It kinda just spilled out. I looked at the people around me, and thought about how annoying they really were. About how I never seemed to fit in with them. “This place sucks. I hate it.” I said, again surprising myself. I went on, “I mean, I have my friends, but…” They were zero help. They mostly treated me like dirt.
Suddenly the Attack was on my mind. “I want to—” I shook my head. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t admit my deepest wish. Snap out of it Ayden! “I want something new.” I amended. There. That was reasonable.
God, I probably sounded like a freaking idiot! She would never want to talk to me again. She probably couldn’t wait to get away from me.
But despite my worry, the Attack was my most dominant thought. Why did that happen to me? Was I insane? Was I sick?
“Yeah, I don’t much like this place either. But since I just moved, I just got new so…” Kara shrugged and smiled at me, looking like she was sorry for me. Why did she feel bad? Was I really whining that much? Ugh.
I tried to return the smile, but knew I failed miserably. The Attack was creeping up my spine. I just needed to breathe.
We walked into the cafeteria, a place much louder than my own head, and I looked around, curious to see if Kara’s friend and cousin would suddenly appear.
It was time to say bye. “Um, so I guess you wanna…” I mumbled. I still felt like I should stay with her.
“Actually, I’d like to sit with you.” She said, biting her lip. Worry flashed across her face for a split second, but I was too excited to care.
“Really? Cool!” To my horror I actually clapped. I stopped immediately and turned to leave. “Uhhhh, yeah. Let’s go…sit.”
As Kara followed me she laughed. It was light and nervous. I led her to the bench I always sat at, outside, because out here, it didn’t reek of sweaty kids and plastic food.
Food! I realized that we didn’t get anything. Just ’cause you don’t eat, Ayden doesn’t mean she doesn’t.
“Do you wanna get food? We left without getting anything.”
She looked like I had just amazed her. “Ew, no way! Save me the stomach ache please. That food shouldn’t be served to any animal—person”
Animal? Whatever.
Besides, it was cool she agreed with me. “Oh, good. Their food does not add class to the place.”
She fidgeted and popped her knuckles. “Um, since I’m sitting with you, I’d better let my cousin and friend know. I’ll be right back.” And she left.
I didn’t have high hopes of her coming back. Damn. I ruined it. But how? It had seemed like we were getting along. Right?
Jeez, I complained too much.
I fidgeted after she left, trying to block out thoughts of the Attack, and tried to find a safe topic in my head. It didn’t work. I ended up chewing my nails very unattractively until I realized Kara was, like, right next to me, standing up. Relief flooded through me as she sat down. I hadn’t scared her off. Although she looked a little angry now. Maybe a fight with her friend and cousin? Who knew?
“So who do you usually eat—sit with?” Kara asked, correcting herself since neither of us ate.
Do you have to ask that question? I thought. I mean, it would make me sound like a weirdo. But, oh well. I considered lying, but ultimately decided against it.
“No one. My friends don’t have this lunch. I mostly wander.” I said, frowning.
“Hmmm,” Kara smiled at me hesitantly.
Well, this conversation was going nowhere fast. I knew I wasn’t all that exciting to talk about, but ‘hmmm’ was all she had? I needed something to work with. I was slowly starting to get why she hadn’t made friends. So…if she didn’t want to talk about me…then maybe she’d talk about herself. It was worth a shot.
“Where’d you move from, Kara?” I asked. A simple easy-to-answer question, right? Apparently not. Her face was instantly guarded, like I was asking her something insanely personal. But then it cleared and she looked at me warily.
“Um, Oregon.” She gave a little cough then went on. “Uh, I hope this isn’t rude, but what’s your name?”
Was she serious? She didn’t no my name? Oh, Lord. “Rude? No!” I laughed. I mean, it really wasn’t rude. A little clueless maybe, since Mr. Landsin liked to call on me a lot, but not rude. I held out my hand to her and beamed. “My name is Ayden.”
She took my hand firmly and grasped it for a second to long then let it go, looking mildly intrigued. “Well Ayden, I think this could be the start of a wonderful friendship.”
Wonderful? Friendship? I was still processing that fifteen minutes later, when the bell rang and we parted ways.
The rest of my day was a blur. I was constantly thinking about the Attack—because really, if it happened to you almost every night, you would too—and Kara. Who was she? I realized I didn’t know anything about her except her name—Kara Leigh. Which was more than she knew about me, obviously. Oh wait, I knew she walked to school and moved from Oregon and moved here with a cousin and friend. Wow, that was just so much to base a friendship off of. So while thinking about this, I managed to epically fail two quizzes and give four wrong answers during the rest of my classes. I was unbelievably happy when the bell rang.
Like, so happy I practically skipped home. I weird myself out sometimes too, don’t worry.
When I got home I did my ritual. It consists of: Throwing my backpack on my bedroom floor, eating something unhealthy—cookies, brownie, candy, you get the picture—, turning on Spongebob—because it just cracks me up—or turning on the stereo, whichever one I feel like that day, and finally, grabbing a book and lounging on the couch till I had to get up and cook dinner, before mom got home. Sometimes, when I was having a bad day or just needed to think, I would throw my backpack in my room and then sneak out into the woods right at my backyard. Well, if you considered the back of an apartment building your ‘backyard.’ Which I did.
Anyway, I would go into these woods—which spread for miles, they were gigundo, let me tell you—and walk a little ways in, constantly checking my cell for the time. Mom would have knocked me senseless if she knew I did it. She’d be all, “Now, Ayden Elizabeth, you know not to go walking in there! Murderers or coyotes or—something could kill you! And you could get lost! I mean, why would you do that to me, huh? Leave me alone? So selfish…” Blah blah blah. Something like that anyway. So I really prided on the fact that I could lie smoothly to her with a straight face. “No, mom, I wouldn’t be so selfish as to be murdered in the woods. How could I ever do that to you?” You’d believe it, right? Hell yeah.
So, back to my ritual. When I threw my backpack on my carpeted floor, I stood in my doorway, contemplating. Did I want to blare my favorite songs? Or did I want to think things over in my calm forest? I ripped a piece of my pinkie nail off as I considered. Hmmmm. I finally decided on the forest. It felt like the right place to go.
I started down my slightly worn trail and took a deep breath. Birds and insects buzzed around me, and for once I felt…at home. Like the woods was where I belonged. Ugh, how corny. But corny aside—I really did feel it was where I belonged. Like nature was reaching out for me. I felt so alien when I was hanging out with my two ‘best friends’ (they weren’t the best, but they used to be). They talked about music, books, movies, kids at school…normal stuff. And believe me, I loved talking about that stuff too…just not like they did. It was strange, being me. I felt obligated to be normal, but also felt so inhuman.
Anyway.
I never went too far into the woods, because knowing me I would get lost. I kind of just ambled along through the trees, keeping an eye out for landmarks. I let my mind wander into it’s special place where all there was room for was the Earth around me. I tried as hard as I could not to think and just walked.
When I finally got back home, it was around five-thirty, and mom got off at six. With a sigh I flipped the TV onto a funny home videos show and started preparing dinner. Spaghetti. Yum.
I methodically boiled the noodles, heated the sauce, and by the time mom walked in the door I had our bowls set out on the table.
“Hey, mama!” I greeted her, grinning.
She nodded. “Hey—phew! Work was horrible! I am so glad you remembered to cook! I was going to call, but you know Betty kept me working my ass off putting away all the freight. I really wish I had another job.” Mom sat down across from me and sighed, staring at her bowl.
I pushed back anger. This was the first thing she had to say to me when she walked in?
“Oh, that sucks. Hope you like dinner.” I smiled again.
Mom frowned at the bowl. “You forgot cheese.” She stared at me for a second.
You can’t freaking give me a break can you?
“I’ll go get some.” I snagged the shaker off the counter and set it in front of her and dug in.
We ate dinner in silence for the most part. Mom asked me how school was, and I hesitantly told her about Kara.
“Oh? A new friend. Better than those other two you hang out with?” she asked, getting up to put her bowl in the kitchen.
I got up and followed her in.
“Yes, mama. She’s kind of weird though. I don’t mean that as mean, but…I don’t know. She kind of throws this I’m-better-than-you-but-looks-can-be-deceiving vibe. Because really, she’s nice.” I said, rinsing my bowl.
Mom thought. “Huh. Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait and see if she’s a keeper or not.”
I rolled my eyes where she couldn’t see. Mom strode to the living room and I heard her flip TV channels. I sighed and closed my eyes. Giving advice, my mom was not good at. She liked to ask for advice and just keep on talking. I swear, that woman could talk about herself for days. But regardless of how she got under my skin, she was my mom, and I loved her.
After I cleaned up the kitchen I took my shower. When I walked back into my room, about to grab a book and read, hopeful that the Attack would be absent tonight, I looked into the mirror. What I saw made me flinch and try not to scream. I bit my lip and coughed, holding back my shriek.
This would happen often. It was like a reminder. So I wouldn’t have an Attack tonight, but I’d have to see this. My eyes were blue, which always managed to freak me out when it happened, because I don’t really think peoples eyes change color that drastically, and my face…I knew it wasn’t real. That the half-wolf reflection in the mirror was only an illusion. I mean, when I touched my face, I felt skin. But the mirror showed me with a bloody muzzle and terrified ice blue eyes.
“Ayden? I just found an old picture of your dad. How funny,” mom said from the living room.
I blinked, and just like that, it was my regular face staring back at me, horrified. Wow I needed help.
I realized what mom had said and my horror turned to sadness. My dad. Big whoop. I wanted to say, “Oh, you mean the jackass that left me without a reason? Nah, I’ll pass at seeing that jerk.” But I couldn’t avoid seeing him, because I looked exactly like him. I had one photo of him I’d stolen from mom’s album that I always kept. Because sadly, I wanted to meet him.
I shrugged off my icky feelings and flopped down onto my bed. And that was when my eyesight fogged, and not from tears. Oh this night could not get better.
