Survive chapter four

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Hello everyone. Here is the fourth chapter of my novel survive. The preceeding three chapters are somewhere on the board, I don't feel like fetching the links to them right now. :lol:

Anyways, here is chapter four.



The rays of the sun once again beat down on the village. The great big burning ball had risen once again to illuminate every corner of the land.

Ayime slowly lifted her eyelids up, but when the light suddenly flooding into her vision, she shut them. After a moment she tried to open them again, and this time, she had no difficulties.

She sat up and looked around. Beside her was Arcadius, still fast asleep. “Ah!” she exclaimed, then reached down, and proceeded to shake him. “Arcadius! Arcadius wake up! It’s morning!”

He made a groaning noise and turned over. “Five more minutes…”

She tried again, “Wake up Arcadius! You’re late!”

“Noooooooooooo...” he turned over again.

“Arcadius!”

“Bawwwwwww...” he slurred, finally sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “What?”

“Come on! You gotta get ready to go!” She said.

“Man. I dun wanna gooo...” He lay back down.

“Arcadius!” It was a different voice this time, a voice he recognized right away. He shot up, alarmed.

He slowly turned around, “Uhhhh… hey mom.”

“Don’t you hey mom me! I’ve been worried sick since you didn’t show up last night! I should have known you would be out here.” she snapped, her blue eyes staring concernedly. In a reprimanding manner, she grabbed his arm. “You have packing to do! Go! Go! Get moving!” his mother ushered him along.

And all of the while, Ayime had been standing with her arms crossed, shaking her head, and smiling.

Arcadius quickly grabbed his sword off the ground before standing up. He wasted no time, “Yes mom!” He quickly said in a frightened tone. Arcadius quickly ran off.

He ran full speed toward his house, leaving a trail of dust in his wake. He carried himself as fast as his legs would allow him to.

At the same time he took his sheathed sword and swung the hilt over his back. Resting it on his shoulders, he made sure it was secure.

He tried to round a corner, but stumbled as he was moving too fast to allow for the sudden change of direction.

He rapidly approached a vendor who was rolling his kiosk to the other side of the street. The kiosk had a small wooden roof on it.

Arcadius realized he was going far too fast, he would soon collide with the cart. This was something the vendor realized too, but he hesitated, failing to roll it out of the way. Instead, the vendor screamed in terror for what was about to happen.

It happened in an instant. Arcadius jumped and made himself horizontal, just in time to squeeze through the three by two window in the kiosk. He dived through it, and not a single part of his body came into contact with the wood. He rolled in the dirt as he landed, hopped up, and kept on running.

The vendor, who had recovered from the scare, looked toward Arcadius. He shook his fist in the air and yelled, “Hey! Kid! Watch where yer goin’!”

Arcadius laughed to himself, “That was awesome.” He kept smiling as he continued running. That would definitely be something he would remember for years to come.

He rounded one more corner, and he could see his house in the distance. He gave one final push, trying to clear the final stretch as fast as he could. He nearly tripped once, but recovered. He nearly tripped again, but wasn’t as fortunate the second time.

He lost his balance, hopping along on one foot trying to delay his fall until finally he toppled over. Thankfully he fell into a pile of hay, which broke his fall. He quickly got up before the owner of the hay could notice he had fallen into it.

He then arrived at his house, a structure just like that of the chief’s except smaller and connect to the neighbor’s. He stood panting and struggling to catch his breath. His legs ached, and he had to place a hand on the wall next to the door to keep from falling over.

“You’re late,” a deep, groggy voice came from his left.

“Spare me Iven.” he said to his brother without a glance. He paused for a moment to breathe. “I already got a stern talking to from mom.”

“Well… that’s what happens when you aren’t here on time.” His brother Iven Llynch looked like he had just risen from bed, which was exactly what had happened. That fact wasn’t enough to save Iven from being annoyed.

“Where’s dad?” Arcadius asked.

“Out chopping wood. Why you want me to go get him?”

“Naw, just wondering.” Arcadius told his brother. To himself he thought, Thank the creator. He had not been looking forward to being lectured by his father about being prompt and being on time. A moment later he said, “Ima get ready.”

Iven turned, “Come get me when you’re done, we’ll go to the stables.” Arcadius could hear a door close as Iven went to his room; it didn’t help that Iven’s door was the squeakiest door in the house.

Arcadius went to his own room, a seven foot by five foot space. There wasn’t much to it; a window opposite the door, and map underneath the place Arcadius could hang his sword.

Arcadius examined the map for a moment.

Most of it was covered by the forest, except for the north-most quarter and the south east corner. The northern half of the forest was cut through by the Ranje Mountains. A trail cut through this forest and mountain range, and at the very end of that was Ryon. There were other towns and villages sprinkled on the parchment, but they were at least two days walk from each other.

The only location Arcadius was concerned with was Ryon. He placed a finger on it and thought, That is where I will be in two days.

After examining the map, Arcadius got to work. He took a large leather sack, which was strung with a single rope threaded down the length of the bag, to which it allowed it to be worn like a one strap backpack. He took a trip to the kitchen and brought back some apples and a couple of ham sandwiches, both of which would last him the way there.

Examining his room once more, he nodded to himself in approval. Arcadius was ready to go.

He exited and went down the hall to his brother’s room, located on the same side of the hall adjacent to his room. With a knock he announced, “I’m ready.”

“Just a sec.” was the reply. Silence was heard. Then the door handle turned, and the large wooden frame swung open to reveal Iven, now regularly dressed.

Upon his back was his own sword, of a build just like the one Arcadius had. After all, he was the sworn village protector, being the most skilled with a blade in the area. He always had it on him, both from the fact he needed to be ready at all times, and his force of habit. He even carried it with him on his days off, which were quite frequent.

“You sure you’re ready?”

“Yep.”

“Got your list?” Iven said, raising an eyebrow.

Arcadius gave the answer Iven had predicted; “No.” Arcadius turned and hurried back into his room, snatched the list off the floor and jammed it into his pocket before coming back. “Yes.”

“Sword?”

“Check.”

“Food?”

“Double-check,” Arcadius replied.

Iven began to lead him out the door. “Now Arcadius, don’t forget, you’re on a mission here. Don’t forget to bring back anything, don’t sightsee for too long, and for the creator’s sake Arcadius, don’t forget to come back.”

“Yes mom.”

“Why you little…” Iven threw his fist up, ready to punch Arcadius, but held himself back at the last second. He had a little difficulty holding it in. Iven gave a sigh.

Arcadius simply stood there, a mischievous grin on his face, and rolled his eyes. “Can’t get me,” he joked playfully, and ran off toward the stables. With a shake of his head and a smirk, Iven followed.

It was a short distance, one they covered in two minutes when they ran.

When they got there, their father, Gerun, was already waiting. His bearded face helped hide the smile.

Along side him stood Arcadius’ mother, Zelda. He long brown ponytail was swinging back and forth as a small gust of wind blew through.

With them was Ayime, who had come with Arcadius’ mother from the pond, more than willing to come see him before he departed.

Along side all of them stood Arcadius’ horse, a bay thoroughbred named Sadie. On her was a black saddle, the kind of saddle Villa was famous for.

As they approached his mother reached out and held him, saddened yet glad he was going. “Ohhhh my baby boy is all grown up! He’s finally going on his journey!”

“Moooommmmmmm…” He mumbled, embarrassed that she was acting this way.

His father, however, simply came over and rubbed his hair, asking if he was ready. Arcadius, who released his head out of his mother’s grip, nodded. In a moment, his father took a very large sack; too large for Arcadius to carry when it was full, and handed it to him. That was when Gerun noticed something.

“Ah, hello Iven. You’re up early.” Gerun said.

“Yea well, I wouldn’t have had to, had he been on time.” He placed his hand on Arcadius’ head, causing the younger brother to scowl a little.

“He was sleeping there by the lake, with Ayime,” his mother told Iven.

First his eyes went wide, and then a smile grew on his face.

“No, it’s not what you think,” Arcadius quickly said.

“Now don’t try to hide it from me. I know what you were doing down there.”

“In public? Surely not,” Arcadius retorted. “And besides, we aren’t married, so that would be wrong.”

Iven frowned, realizing his blunder “Good point.” he said, backing off. Darn.

“Now Arcadius, don’t forget, you’re on a mission here. Don’t forget to bring back anything, don’t sightsee for too long, and for the creator’s sake Arcadius, don’t forget to come back.” his mother lectured him.

Arcadius was not amused. He simply raised an eyebrow. He didn’t pay attention to his brother’s snickering in the back of the little group. “Iven already told me all of that.”

“Really?”

“Word for word actually, you said it just like he did. Exactly like he did.” he exaggerated the word exactly, even though there was truth to what he said. Then he couldn’t help but crack a smile. “And my answer is the same thing I told Iven. ‘Yes mom.’”

They all burst into laughter, they could barely contain themselves, save Iven, who simply scowled. When it was over, he came and hugged every single one of them, going down the line. He had thought to skip Iven, which his brother would have preferred. Instead gave him a hug too, if only to embarrass him.

When he came to Gerun, he was pulled aside momentarily and was told, “Be careful. There are many dangers in the forest, and they can kill you." Gerun paused for a moment, "You should know a little bit about that now. You remember what happened to Iven right? He had a bad encounter with a god too, and almost died. So please, be careful.” Part of the speech was a lie.

“I won’t, cross my heart.” Arcadius replied.

Then he came to Ayime, and what happened next was long in comparison to the other hugs. It was a good five seconds before they released each other. “Promise you’ll come back?” she asked, a bit tearful. Her face wasn’t much different than the others; however both Gerun and Iven were not as teary-eyed, especially Iven.

“Promise.”

Then, after facing his family once more, he turned and mounted Sadie. He placed the very large sack into a compartment built into the saddle, in the very rear of the seat. With a nod he said. “I’ll be back. See ya’ll then.”

He turned, and kicked. Sadie responded by raising her front two legs into the air with a neigh, and broke into a gallop toward the mountains beyond.

He shouted one last goodbye as they all followed him to the edge of the village.

It was a good minute before he could not longer see them, all of whom were waving their hands high above their heads. Arcadius waved back until their faces disappeared from his view.

Then, he turned his attention forwards, toward his destination.

He was on his way. His journey to Ryon had begun.


Please don't hesitate to tell me what you think :)
Call me RK :)




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Hey there RK!
Here to review, obviusly. :wink:

The rays of the sun once again beat down on the village. The great big burning ball had risen once again to illuminate every corner of the land. I loved this opening paragraph. :)

Ayime slowly lifted her eyelids up, but when the light suddenly flooding into her vision, she shut them. After a moment she tried to open them again, and I think that 'but' would sound better here. this time, she had no difficulties.

She sat up and looked around. Beside her was Arcadius, still fast asleep. “Ah!” she exclaimed, then reached down, and proceeded to shake him. “Arcadius! Arcadius wake up! It’s morning!”

He made a groaning noise and turned over. “Five more minutes…”

She tried again, “Wake up Arcadius! You’re late!”

“Noooooooooooo...” he turned over again.

“Arcadius!”

“Bawwwwwww...” he slurred, finally sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “What?”

“Come on! You gotta get ready to go!” She said.

“Man. I dun wanna gooo...” He lay back down.

“Arcadius!” It was a different voice this time, a voice he recognized right away. He shot up, alarmed.

He slowly turned around, “Uhhhh… hey mom.”

“Don’t you hey mom me! I’ve been worried sick since you didn’t show up last night! I should have known you would be out here.” she snapped, her blue eyes staring concernedly. In a reprimanding manner, she grabbed his arm. “You have packing to do! Go! Go! Get moving!” his mother ushered him along.

And all of the while, Ayime had been standing with her arms crossed, shaking her head, and smiling.

Arcadius quickly grabbed his sword off the ground before standing up. He wasted no time, “Yes mom!” He quickly said in a frightened tone. Arcadius quickly ran off.

This first part was kind of confusing. I wasn't too sure where Arcadius was, for example. I kind of figured that hE was in the forest? I'm not too sure though. Maybe you could clear it up slightly?

He ran full speed toward his house, leaving a trail of dust in his wake. He carried himself as fast as his legs would allow him to.

At the same time he took his sheathed sword and swung the hilt over his back. Resting it on his shoulders, he made sure it was secure.

He tried to round a corner, but stumbled as he was moving too fast to allow for the sudden change of direction.

He rapidly approached a vendor who was rolling his kiosk to the other side of the street. The kiosk had a small wooden roof on it.

Arcadius realized he was going far too fast, he would soon collide with the cart. This was something the vendor realized too, but he hesitated, failing to roll it out of the way. Instead, the vendor screamed in terror for what was about to happen.

It happened in an instant. Arcadius jumped and made himself horizontal, just in time to squeeze through the three by two window in the kiosk. He dived through it, and not a single part of his body came into contact with the wood. He rolled in the dirt as he landed, hopped up, and kept on running.

The vendor, who had recovered from the scare, looked toward Arcadius. He shook his fist in the air and yelled, “Hey! Kid! Watch where yer goin’!”

Arcadius laughed to himself, “That was awesome.” He kept smiling as he continued running. That would definitely be something he would remember for years to come.

He rounded one more corner, and he could see his house in the distance. He gave one final push, trying to clear the final stretch as fast as he could. He nearly tripped once, but recovered. He nearly tripped again, but wasn’t as fortunate the second time.

He lost his balance, hopping along on one foot trying to delay his fall until finally he toppled over. Thankfully he fell into a pile of hay, which broke his fall. He quickly got up before the owner of the hay could notice he had fallen into it.

He then arrived at his house, a structure just like that of the chief’s except smaller and connect to the neighbor’s. He stood panting and struggling to catch his breath. His legs ached, and he had to place a hand on the wall next to the door to keep from falling over.

“You’re late,” a deep, groggy voice came from his left.

“Spare me Iven.” he said to his brother without a glance. He paused for a moment to breathe. “I already got a stern talking to from mom.”

“Well… that’s what happens when you aren’t here on time.” His brother Iven Llynch looked like he had just risen from bed, which was exactly what had happened. That fact wasn’t enough to save Iven from being annoyed.

“Where’s dad?” Arcadius asked.

“Out chopping wood. Why you want me to go get him?”

“Naw, just wondering.” Arcadius told his brother. To himself he thought, Thank the creator. He had not been looking forward to being lectured by his father about being prompt and being on time. A moment later he said, “Ima get ready.”

Iven turned, “Come get me when you’re done, we’ll go to the stables.” Arcadius could hear a door close as Iven went to his room; it didn’t help that Iven’s door was the squeakiest door in the house.

Arcadius went to his own room, a seven foot by five foot space. There wasn’t much to it; a window opposite the door, and map underneath the place Arcadius could hang his sword.

Arcadius examined the map for a moment.

Most of it was covered by the forest, except for the north-most quarter and the south east corner. The northern half of the forest was cut through by the Ranje Mountains. A trail cut through this forest and mountain range, and at the very end of that was Ryon. There were other towns and villages sprinkled on the parchment, but they were at least two days walk from each other.

The only location Arcadius was concerned with was Ryon. He placed a finger on it and thought, That is where I will be in two days.

After examining the map, Arcadius got to work. He took a large leather sack, which was strung with a single rope threaded down the length of the bag, to which it allowed it to be worn like a one strap backpack. This sentence was a bit awkward to read and also a bit long. Try rephrasing it! He took a trip to the kitchen and brought back some apples and a couple of ham sandwiches, both of which would last him the way there.

Examining his room once more, he nodded to himself in approval. Arcadius was ready to go.

He exited and went down the hall to his brother’s room, located on the same side of the hall adjacent to his room. With a knock he announced, “I’m ready.”

“Just a sec.” was the reply. Silence was heard. Then the door handle turned, and the large wooden frame swung open to reveal Iven, now regularly dressed.

Upon his back was his own sword, of a build just like the one Arcadius had. After all, he was the sworn village protector, being the most skilled with a blade in the area. He always had it on him, both from the fact he needed to be ready at all times, and his force of habit. This sentence was a bit on the long side too. :wink: He even carried it with him on his days off, which were quite frequent.

“You sure you’re ready?”

“Yep.”

“Got your list?” Iven said, raising an eyebrow.

Arcadius gave the answer Iven had predicted; “No.” Arcadius turned and hurried back into his room, snatched the list off the floor and jammed it into his pocket before coming back. “Yes.”

“Sword?”

“Check.”

“Food?”

“Double-check,” Arcadius replied.

Iven began to lead him out the door. “Now Arcadius, don’t forget, you’re on a mission here. Don’t forget to bring back anything, don’t sightsee for too long, and for the creator’s sake Arcadius; don’t forget to come back.”

“Yes mom.”

“Why you little…” Iven threw his fist up, ready to punch Arcadius, but held himself back at the last second. He had a little difficulty holding it in. Iven gave a sigh.

Arcadius simply stood there, a mischievous grin on his face, and rolled his eyes. “Can’t get me,” he joked playfully, and ran off toward the stables. With a shake of his head and a smirk, Iven followed.

It was a short distance, one they covered in two minutes when they ran.

When they got there, their father, Gerun, was already waiting. His bearded face helped hide the smile.

Along side him stood Arcadius’ mother, Zelda. He long brown ponytail was swinging back and forth as a small gust of wind blew through.

With them was Ayime, who had come with Arcadius’ mother from the pond, more than willing to come see him before he departed.

Along side all of them stood Arcadius’ horse, a bay thoroughbred named Sadie. On her was a black saddle, the kind of saddle Villa was famous for.

As they approached his mother reached out and held him, saddened yet glad he was going. “Ohhhh my baby boy is all grown up! He’s finally going on his journey!”

“Moooommmmmmm…” He mumbled, embarrassed that she was acting this way.

His father, however, simply came over and rubbed his hair, asking if he was ready. Arcadius, who released his head out of his mother’s grip, nodded. In a moment, his father took a very large sack; too large for Arcadius to carry when it was full, and handed it to him. That was when Gerun noticed something.

“Ah, hello Iven. You’re up early.” Gerun said.

“Yea well, I wouldn’t have had to, had he been on time.” He placed his hand on Arcadius’ head, causing the younger brother to scowl a little.

“He was sleeping there by the lake, with Ayime,” his mother told Iven. Oh, that's where he was. :wink:

First his eyes went wide, and then a smile grew on his face.

“No, it’s not what you think,” Arcadius quickly said.

“Now don’t try to hide it from me. I know what you were doing down there.”

“In public? Surely not,” Arcadius retorted. “And besides, we aren’t married, so that would be wrong.”

Iven frowned, realizing his blunder “Good point.” he said, backing off. Darn.

“Now Arcadius, don’t forget, you’re on a mission here. Don’t forget to bring back anything, don’t sightsee for too long, and for the creator’s sake Arcadius, don’t forget to come back.” his mother lectured him.

Arcadius was not amused. He simply raised an eyebrow. He didn’t pay attention to his brother’s snickering in the back of the little group. “Iven already told me all of that.”

“Really?”

“Word for word actually, you said it just like he did. Exactly like he did.” he exaggerated the word exactly, even though there was truth to what he said. Then he couldn’t help but crack a smile. “And my answer is the same thing I told Iven. ‘Yes mom.’” Haha, I liked this. :)

They all burst into laughter, they could barely contain themselves, save Iven, who simply scowled. When it was over, he came and hugged every single one of them, going down the line. He had thought to skip Iven, which his brother would have preferred. Instead gave him a hug too, if only to embarrass him.

When he came to Gerun, he was pulled aside momentarily and was told, “Be careful. There are many dangers in the forest, and they can kill you." Gerun paused for a moment, "You should know a little bit about that now. You remember what happened to Iven right? He had a bad encounter with a god too, and almost died. So please, be careful.” Part of the speech was a lie.

“I won’t, cross my heart.” Arcadius replied.

Then he came to Ayime, and what happened next was long in comparison to the other hugs. It was a good five seconds before they released each other. “Promise you’ll come back?” she asked, a bit tearful. Her face wasn’t much different than the others; however both Gerun and Iven were not as teary-eyed, especially Iven.

“Promise.”

Then, after facing his family once more, he turned and mounted Sadie. He placed the very large sack into a compartment built into the saddle, in the very rear of the seat. With a nod he said. “I’ll be back. See ya’ll then.”

He turned, and kicked. Sadie responded by raising her front two legs into the air with a neigh, and broke into a gallop toward the mountains beyond.

He shouted one last goodbye as they all followed him to the edge of the village.

It was a good minute before he could not longer see them, all of whom were waving their hands high above their heads. Arcadius waved back until their faces disappeared from his view.

Then, he turned his attention forwards, toward his destination.

He was on his way. His journey to Ryon had begun.


Overall

I am still interested in this story! Well done for keeping my interest. :)

There were hardly any nit-picks in this, ones that I could find anyway. Your grammar is pretty much perfect. My only critique is that sometimes your sentences can be a bit long. I think that I've mentioned this in past reviews. Just try replacing some of those commas with periods and semi colons.

My only other critique is about the first part of the chapter. It was kind of confusing. I know that you explained this later on, but I wasn't too sure where your MC was. I also found it kind of confusing why his motehr was there. To wake him up; I know, but couldn't Ayime have just done that? This is probably just me being dull, but yeah! :lol: Maybe you could clear it up a bit?

I liked your two opening sntences, especially the second one where you used the metaphor. You used good imagery, or as I look to call it; a pretty picture in my head! You have a lot of effective descriptions here, so well done!

I haven't really got much else to say. There isn't that much to critique. Your grammar's more or less perfect and your sentences flow nicely. Plus, I still really like your writing style, so keep it up!

Make sure you post in my WRFF thread when the next chapter of this is up!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Thanks once again Skins. :)

I think it was established during chapter two that they are still in the village, but at a pond on the edge of the village. Ima go back and look at that.
Call me RK :)



Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller