We Fall Upon Deaf Ears

Truly, we are ignored
Often we have implored
Nobody seems to care
We hardly think it fair
Our cries are never heard
Not one ever is perturbed
And everyday,
To pass away
We drown in our own tears
We fall upon deaf ears

Hi!

I really liked this poem. You had a nice, simple and catchy rhyme scheme! I notice in a lot poems that rhymes seem forced, like the author only rhymes to rhyme. I don't think you had any of these problems! It seemed very natural and fit right into the powerful, quiet feel of the poem. I just had one tiny, tiny nitpick.

Not one ever is perturbed

Here it seems a little forced. Not a lot of people know what 'perturbed' means. Why don't you try 'disturbed'? They mean the same anything.

I like this a lot! PM me if you have any questions. Keep writing, and will you do me a favor and PM me if you post any new poetry.

-Elinor xo

Hello!

I found this lacking. I got nothing out of reading this. Poetry has the special ability to draw a unique emotional response. However, this elicited no emotional response. the worst thing is to have someone read your work and think, "who cares?" which is exactly the response your content is combating.

You have the idea there. Now you want to build on it with imagery. There's a conflict, a struggle: don't tell your reader about it. SHOW her it. Help her feel what it's like to be ignored, show her who the ignored are. What's so frustrating about these deaf ears? Imagery, as I said above, is your greatest tool. It's turning something more abstract into something concrete. An image is something the reader can see or smell or taste or feel.

for example:

my words bubble to the surface
like spring water, but you've put them
in a plastic bottle and closed the lid.

It still says something -- a quick anecdote about silence -- but gives the reader something to grasp onto, to relate to.

You give yourself so much to expand upon. Do your poem a favour and build on it. Keep writing!

Hey I like the oem !

How long did it take you to write it though? Or did you just get an inspiration?

Truly, we are ignored
Often we have implored
Nobody seems to care
We hardly think it fair
Our cries are never heard
Not one ever is perturbed
And everyday,
To pass away
We drown in our own tears
We fall upon deaf ears

one question I have to ask is as to why there is no punctuation?

thank you bye !

Hey it's Layla. I liked this and the message you're trying to get out, but it's so SHORT. Try to extend it a little bit more.
Are you familiar of the band, Alesana?? You're title "We Fall Upon Deaf Ears", is almost like the line "your prayers fall upon deaf ears" from Alesana's song called The Thespian. Is that where you got it from??

Hm...I'm not sure I quite like this yet, but for small reasons. For one, it's extremely short. Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn't. This time it doesn't. Also, the rhyme was overdone, and I think you would be best off just ditching it completely. Thirdly, I have no idea what this is about! You have only the details of the events that are happening (in other words, the 'what'), but nothing else, no detail (the 'why'). Those things kind of distracted me and took away from your poem a little. :/

Anyways, good luck if you decide to revise this! I hope I was of some use, even if only a little.

-Knightley

Simple and sweet. It's rare to find a poem that is well-developed and concise all at the same time. This is a great piece. You might want to add some punctuation, especially for the last two lines, but otherwise, it's all good. Thumbs up.