2012

“Let me tell you a story.” “Story time” said Toby, “what’s it about this time?” said Sid, “trust me its going to be fun, and real.” “What’s it going to be you learning karate, or having superpowers,” ignorantly said Sid. “Super powers!” said Toby in a cheery tone. “Actually Sid, yes”
“When I was 12 years old, the year of 2012 I woke up to find,” “wait are you telling them the superhero story” said Phil. “Well act”… “May, come down here granny’s telling the superhero story” yelled Phil on the top of his lungs. “. “I’m coming” screamed May. “What’s so great about this story” asked Sid, “be quiet” said Toby, May and Phil at the same time. “Ok, when I was 12 years old, the year of 2012, I woke up to find that I had superpowers” “superpowers?” asked Sid “yes super strength, super speed, I could shoot lasers out of my eyes, I could be invisible, I could stretch all the way to Texas, I could freeze people and objects, I could move objects with my mind, I could freeze time, I could make force fields and better yet… I could… FLY!!” “How did you find out that you had superpowers?” asked Toby
“When I woke up there was two holes in my on my wall that was about the size of my eye maybe, and my covers were completely ice, and my whole room was all out of order like someone moved it all.

Hi, my name's skutter and I shall be your reviewer for the day! Grammar is in red everything else, green, ok?

The first part wasn't really needed, you know “Story time” said Toby. You can end the sentence here!
Gaps like this between two pieces of dialouge make it easier to read
“What’s it about this time?” said Sid.

“Trust me its going to be fun! This sounds better, don't it?

“What’s it going to be you learning karate? or having superpowers?” said Sid, ignorantly (easier to read).

“Super powers!” said Toby in a cheery tone. This dialogue wasn't needed!

“When I was 12 years old, in the year of 2012 I woke up to find - (because of the interuption.,”

“Wait! Are you telling them the superhero story?” asked Phil.

“Well act..."
“May, come down here! Granny’s telling a superhero story!” yelled Phil on the top of his lungs.

“I’m coming!” screamed Could you explain why she's screaming? May.

“What’s so great about this story?” asked Sid Here is a chance to use some word on how he said it

“Be quiet” said Toby, May and Phil at the same time.

“I took out the "ok" because it didn't really fit into the character, you see.."When I was 12 years old, in the year of 2012, I woke up to find that I had superpowers-”

“Superpowers?” asked Sid.

“Yes, super strength, super speed, I could shoot lasers out of my eyes, I could be invisible, I could stretch all the way to Texas, I could freeze people and objects, I could move objects with my mind, I could freeze time, I could make force fields and better yet… I could… FLY!” She exclaimed.

“How did you find out that you had superpowers?” asked Toby

“When I woke up, there were two holes in my wall that were about the size of my, my covers were completely ice and my whole room was all out of order like someone moved it all

.

This story has some real potential, but it needs a lot of work. Also, I think that you need to try and extend it, but don't fret and keep writing!

I think you have a nice start and a good beginnig. My revisions would be these:

* Do what skutter11 taught you with grammer. it makes things alot easier to read.

* Get rid of the line “Actually Sid, yes". It truly doesn't make any sense there. ( If you want you can organize it better- it just didn't make sense there)

* Have a better ending. You should have had more of either: A) A more final end sentance or B) A suspense ending

Thanks and keep writing!:)