The Torturing Cell

I screamed, watching Ryan's smiling face. Useless tears rolled onto my cheeks as I pulled against the ropes that bound me to the wall. Eli lay on the ground, a pool of blood forming around him. His face was peaceful, even though he had died a painful death. Eli had finally recived his wish, the wish everyone had been wishing. Death was the best thing that could happen to us. I looked around at the three other people's faces.

Greg's face was hard. He was watching as his best friend had been killed. His face was grimy, like the rest of us, but his eyes stuck out like sore thumbs. They reminded me of ice, so pale they were almost white. I watched his mouth move, an obvious curse word escaping from his lips. His face showed no signs of pain, but during the night silent tears always streaked his face.

Anne was limp. Everybody knew she was dying and she had the knife still in her side to prove it. If you watched closely you could see the slight motion of breathing, though every day it was weaker. Her left ear was missing and her bottom lip was busted open, so she barely ever spoke or listened. Her muddy face brandished several scars, old and new. Her eyes were closed but her inaudible whimpers where indicators she had watched as Eli died.

Dani's chesnut eyes were jumping around, waiting for Ryan's recoil. He didn't know Eli was dead because he was still ranting. She knew that once Ryan noticed, we all would pay. He didn't deal well when one of his captives died. Her eyes kept flickering to Anne, as if she knew Eli wasn't the only one we would lose tonight.

Ryan stopped his endless chatter suddenly, looking at where Eli was laying. His face scrunched up in fury. He yelled at Eli to get up and kicked his lifeless corpse. All of us were slient. Ryan swore and faced Anne. He stormed over to her chained body. Swifly he reached forward and grasped the knife, ripping it out. Anne's eyes blinked open, a silent scream epruting from her throat. Ryan grimaced as he said softly, “She will die soon. Tomarrow you will pay for two deaths.” He turned his back and walked to the steel door. “See you all tomarrow.”

I stared at Anne, wishing that she would live. But she couldn't hold on any longer. Within an hour, her last breath had left her. Greg and Dani slowly slipped to sleep, but I stayed awake. I knew Ryan would come back during the night, catching us while we were sleeping. I hadn't slept for three days now and wearyness drifted over me. I wished I was back home, where ever that was. We had all came from the foster care system, and thats why I expected Ryan hadn't been caught yet. For the first time since we were captured two years ago, I prayed.

We started as sixteen people but by now we were few. And now we were even fewer. Ryan will be back tomarrow, and the endless torture would begin again.

When I read this, I could almost feel the pain these people were going through. I can't think of anything bad to say about this, although that sounds really inexperianced. It had me captivated. I could really sense that grim feeling of knowing what's going to happen next, and that was one of the things that made it so realistic for me. It was a little bland in description terms, but I actually kind of liked that. It added to the feel.

One little thing I noticed is this:

ZebraSkittles wrote:I pulled against the ropes that bound me to the wall

ZebraSkittles wrote:He stormed over to her chained body.

It just seems a bit odd to me that Ryan would bind one person with ropes, and the another with chains. Just a thought.

Overall this is very good. Your style reminds me of Stephen King. I'd say to keep writing, but I think more would ruin it, it works very well as a short story.

Hey there, the name's Irish and I'm here to review!

This was a very incredible piece! The pain and suffering you described gave you a full sense of pity and almost empathy without really telling what was going on with them... Very good job!

However, I must nitpick here.

“She will die soon. Tomarrow you will pay for two deaths.” He turned his back and walked to the steel door. “See you all tomarrow.”

Now, being the awful speller that I am, I can relate to this mistake But yeah I assume you meant tomorrow*

We had all came from the foster care system, and thats why I expected Ryan hadn't been caught yet. For the first time since we were captured two years ago, I prayed.

Now I'm not the best grammar pointer-outer but I believe that should be "come" not "came".

Thats all the technical errors and now I just have one tip:

Since there are so many names, it tends to get confusing between who is who. For a while I had thought that Ryan and Eli had died, and when you said that Ryan was speaking, I became really confused until I went back and read it over. I'm not saying it was a bad choice to have this many people, I'm just saying, be careful with it. It can easily get messed up.

Anyway, the rest of it was really good! I must applaud you *applaud* Oh that was fun!

Thanks for the read!! PM me with any questions! Keep up the fantastic work!

- Irish

This is a very good piece!
The only thing I would have to be picky about is when you said that he hadn't been caught because the children were taken from the foster system.
I have a problem with this because:
Each child in that system has a social worker who is responsible for keeping track of the child and all of their history, where they go, ect...
If a child is in the care of another, they come and make regular visits to see how the child is doing.
The social services system has records of every child that comes in and out of the system.
Therefore he would have been caught. Foster children are usually kept track of very closely.

I know this because my family has just adopted from the foster system.